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Old 08-08-2014, 06:47 AM   #1
liveforthemoment
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Join Date: May 2014
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update: I need to talk...please help.

Okay, this may be a bit long..sorry.

I didn't take a "break" but that's what I told everyone on FB. I took an OD of a certain med that will completely stop your heart. I was in ICU for 3 days and the hospital for a week. Then I was sent to a mental ward for 11 days.

The first 2 days that I was there, I had a psychotic break. I was hearing vulgar words over the intercom but I thought the other girls were hearing it too.

They put me in isolation for 2 days for my own safety. I was put on Risperdal, an anti-psychotic and I take it everyday. I'm terrified not to. I've only ever heard a man in my head telling me to disfigure my face but i KNEW it wasn't real. This time I didn't know reality.

Kelly called me while I was in the mental ward crying because her ex left her after a week. I took her back. I KNOW I'm not well.

BUT the worst part is that my sister and her husband have bought a house about 2 minutes away from me. But I have told Kelly I'm going to move back to Union City when my lease is up. But I will have my OWN plave and not live with her. The reason for this breaks my heart because my sis told me that she was afraid to let me babysit my niece now that I'm taking an anti-psychotic plus I've been having really bad manic phases. She was very gentle about telling me this. And I understand completely. It's nothing personal. My sis and I are closer than ever. I want to stay here in my house once my lease is up but Kelly will leave me but I will have my sister here, so maybe that will help. I just have to see what happens.

Kelly is very controlling. I still care about her very much but I'm not in love anymore. But I would never see Kaleb (her son that I raised for 6 years) again.

My mind is racing. I'm scared and lonely and I truly need someone please?

Thank you.

Love to all
xxxxxxxxxx

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Old 09-08-2014, 02:40 PM   #2
liveforthemoment
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I harmed for the first night in ages last night. That's all....



Mental illness is a very powerful thing. If it is with you it is probably going to be there until the day you die. I am trying so hard to break mine, but it is not easy. It is my toughest fight ever

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Old 09-08-2014, 10:54 PM   #3
Snow White.
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I'm sorry to read you've been through such a difficult time, things certainly have been very intense for you and it sounds like hospital was a scary experience as you were experiencing psychosis. You did well to get through all that. Try and forgive yourself for harming and think about what might help you in the future to keep safe.

Even though this at very difficult for you right now I'm glad you're still with us x

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Old 10-08-2014, 03:16 AM   #4
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I realize things are difficult right now but it does sound as though you are least trying to remember that there are positives. You are your sister are much closer. You are no longer in love with a woman who you cannot trust to be loyal to you. Just keep moving forward. Yes, there will be pain no matter what decisions you make in life, but that is always the case for all of us. Try to do what is best for you. Talk it over with people you trust.

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Old 05-09-2014, 04:00 PM   #5
Mandimoo
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I think there's another update to come



Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER

Mand x

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Old 05-09-2014, 11:53 PM   #6
Tig
 
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Hope all is okay Mandi, or as much as possible.x

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Old 22-09-2014, 04:31 AM   #7
liveforthemoment
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update:

I have basically moved back in with Kelly. Her mother wanted me to plus I was literally going to die if I didn't stay with someone. I will give my 30 day notice on my house Oct. 3. I have lost a lot of my family due to moving back in. This includes my son, Keith. He simply won't deal with the gay thing. And I have to let him be him and I'm going to be me.

We have 2 room mates which help a LOT with Kaleb. In fact, I haven't had to do any homework nor do we have to help him with so many things anymore. A lot has changed in a year.

That's basically it. I gained one family back and lost the other. ughhhh....



Mental illness is a very powerful thing. If it is with you it is probably going to be there until the day you die. I am trying so hard to break mine, but it is not easy. It is my toughest fight ever

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