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Old 07-10-2007, 05:24 PM   #1
*Gothic*Angel*
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dunno how to feel!

my dad passed away 3 years ago today.
it was sudden.
on the anniversary i always got drunk....to kind of forget....but i wold drink for at least 2 weeks up to the date and for 2 weeks after the date......be completely wasted and not remember who i was half the time....in a way it was my way of coping......i have had problems with alcohol in the past and each day is a struggle not to touch the bottle again.

this year i am sober.
i am facing the my fears.....facing the fact that my dad has gone and he isnt coming back.
and its hard......its so so hard.
i feel numb in a way....today anyway.
over the last few days i have cried myself to sleep.....i have cried in my gf arms for hours on end.

but today i cant cry.
i want to but cant.

i dont even know why im posting.
it seems stupid to really.
i just think i need someone to say thats its normal for me to feel this way...




What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.

Hecato, Greek philosopher


last cut 23rd september
everyday i get stronger



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Old 07-10-2007, 05:43 PM   #2
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Im so sorry for your loss
It is normal to feel the way you do.
If you think about it, for the past two years the anniversary of his death has been numbed by drink, so youve not properly dealt with an annivesary. This year, you are and maybe, just maybe this will help your healing as youre allowing your emotions to run free.

Hope that makes sense
Please take care and treat yourself gently
much love xxxx

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Old 07-10-2007, 07:25 PM   #3
slipping up again
 
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*hugs*
Losing someone close is very difficult to deal with. Because this is the first year that you have been sober its like its the first anniversary and you're dealing with it.When someone dies the first of everything is really difficult-birthdays, Christmas etc. I think you're grief is at that stage when its like the first anniversary and his death is still very raw(hope that makes sense).

I think its very understandable to feel so emotional. And crying is good, its great that you're releasing all of your emotions rather than bottling them up. Its ok if you cant cry today, theres no right or wrong way to grieve, grieving is a personal,individual thing.

I'm glad you posted, its not stupid, thats what we're here for.
Take care Xx




Today I'll try to become more aware of alternatives that I haven't yet realised.
Although I have no control over other people's reactions or thoughts, I can change the way I react.


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Old 07-10-2007, 08:01 PM   #4
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I dont really have any advice but I know that its normal. You just have to cope with it in your own way.
Sorry I'm a bit useless,
Miriam xx

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Old 08-10-2007, 04:52 AM   #5
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There is no "right" response to loss or grief, and numbing and crying and such are all typical human responses, I think. This must be especially hard for you as your first anniversary to not drink... congratulations on staying sober. It takes a lot of courage to do that, especially when you've used alcohol so heavily in the past to cope with your dad's loss. Try not to feel bad about not crying on the "right" day. *hugs*

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Old 08-10-2007, 01:04 PM   #6
blondiebear
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who says

who says we have to react a certain way? sometimes when the feelings are strongest, i hurt so bad that my chest aches and i just can't cry.
good for you for staying away from the booze. just do it one day at a time.
hugs



My husband is my best friend.

In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.

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Old 08-10-2007, 01:07 PM   #7
*Gothic*Angel*
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hey everyone
just thought id let you all know.....i didnt touch a drop of alcohol!
its a big acheivement for me......although i did have a swig of vodka this morning which has left me with the shakes........so im dissapointed in myself for that....but im good.
my fiancee says she is proud of my for doing so well yesterday and not touching the bottle :D
but im not so sure.....i had alot of cravings for it but i still didnt touch it.

i still havent cried......keep stopping myself for some reason. but im sure i will in time.

thank you all for your reply's its good to know that i have support here aswell as the great support from my fiancee.




What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.

Hecato, Greek philosopher


last cut 23rd september
everyday i get stronger



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Old 08-10-2007, 01:38 PM   #8
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well done on not drinking yesterday,that must have been really hard,but you did it,give yourself credit for that.dont worry about not crying,you dont have to cry to be grieving.
Take care X




Today I'll try to become more aware of alternatives that I haven't yet realised.
Although I have no control over other people's reactions or thoughts, I can change the way I react.


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Old 08-10-2007, 05:47 PM   #9
battlekitten
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Well done for being so strong hun, it must be really hard for you and the fact that you have managed not to give in to cravings is so impressive. I hope you get through the next few days/weeks ok, keep trying and know that Vicky is there for you, as are we. *big hugs*


Last edited by battlekitten : 08-10-2007 at 06:48 PM.


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Old 08-10-2007, 06:32 PM   #10
*Gothic*Angel*
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thank you so much.
your support means so much to me.......
vicky has been a tower of strength to me atm. i dont know what i would have done without her.

but i am taking one step at a time...its hard but im getting there.




What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.

Hecato, Greek philosopher


last cut 23rd september
everyday i get stronger



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Old 09-10-2007, 01:19 AM   #11
Mandimoo
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lisa hun, you have hid away from what happened, only letting it through at anniversaries where oyu drank to forget, in reality you had 3 years worth of grief, loss and remembering all at once on one day. be very proud of yourself you and bump are a good team together! with vicky supporting you as well you are set to win, well done, mand x



Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER

Mand x

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Old 09-10-2007, 03:10 PM   #12
*Gothic*Angel*
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thanks mand...
its still hard......got lots of things going round in my head....wich i need to work on. but i am gettting there....vicky is being really supportive and has seen the pain i have gone through over the last few days and says she is proud of me.....but for some reason i still think there is nothing to be proud of me for.
dunno why i feel like that though.




What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.

Hecato, Greek philosopher


last cut 23rd september
everyday i get stronger



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