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Old 01-06-2010, 08:58 AM   #1
*Jackie*
 
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My little Girl has speration anxiety, help?

My 4 yro Jessica goes to day care 4 days a week, when i drop her off she clings to me and crys and wont let me leave without a big to do.

I was very ill up untill she was 3yo, in and out of hospital for varying periods of time. She has always been anxious to let me leave her right up untill about 3 months ago when one of the day care teachers spoke with her and then she used to walk me to the door and wave goodbye no drama. A few weeks ago i spent a few hours at the hospital because of a migraine. Ever since she has gone back to not wanting to let me go.

I feel awful because i feel it is my fault that she is scared to let me go, like she thinks i am going to disappear and never come back. I hate seeing the impact my illness has had on my daughter.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to help her feel more secure?
I kiss her and tell her i love her and reassure her that i will be back but it doesn't help. I end up handing her to one of the teachers and just walking away. It breaks my heart.





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Old 01-06-2010, 08:20 PM   #2
Lou Lou
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Do her teachers say whether she carries on crying after you've left? I know it's hard but children are clever little things...they know just how to work their parents.

I work in daycare and we have several children who go beserk when they get dropped off but are back to their normal, happy selves within 2 minutes. It really breaks their parents hearts but most of the time it's just for show.

I know its very hard but the best thing to do is give her a hug and a kiss and walk out without engaging her about how upset she is. Soon she'll understand she can't get your attention that way and will stop. If that doesn't work...I don't know....could you decrease her hours in daycare and then gradually increase them again so that she gets used to be left for short amounts of time before being left for longer (hope that made sense?)

Also, if you know you are going to be leaving her for any amount of time, talk to her about it in an attempt to prepare her for the separation and so that she understands you'll be coming back xxxx



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Old 01-06-2010, 08:24 PM   #3
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I had separation anxiety as a child, still do, as an adult, although it is easing now, with very intense work in therapy. It never got addressed back then. What DIDN'T help me was the welfare assistant taking me outside and walking me around the field, because I apparently upset the other children. I really needed someone to talk with me, sit with me, help me feel safe. I needed people to understand, not stuff my feelings away.
Not sure if that helps. I can say more if it does.

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Old 01-06-2010, 10:51 PM   #4
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I know its very hard but the best thing to do is give her a hug and a kiss and walk out without engaging her about how upset she is. Soon she'll understand she can't get your attention that way and will stop.
Its very normal for children to act like this, its usually because they're afraid their parent wont return.

I wasn't able to see my almost 3 year old for a little while at the begining of the year (because of depression) and when i did see him it wasn't like normal. he spent most of his time with his dad (For 2 or 3 months)

When everything was back to normal, he would cry and scream when i dropped him off at nursery. Before we'd never had a problem, he was really secure and would go to nursery just fine. It broke my heart so much.

What i did was, like Lou Lou said, kiss him say goodbye and go. He'd scream. I'd cry walking about to my car. I hated myself for it. But then I'd call nursery about 10/20 minutes later to check he'd calmed down and he always had.

Children soon learn (if you're consistent) that you will return and they don't need to get worked up and cause a scene.

Like others have said, try not to lengthen out the goodbyes, keep it short and sweet. try calling nursery a bit later to reassure yourself. And also it would be worth having a word with the staff to see if they have any concerns or suggestions. My nursery have been fab at helping be work through issues.

Try not to panic. If you or nursery are still concerned you should probably see your G.P or child's health visitor. x x



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Old 02-06-2010, 08:15 AM   #5
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Thank you so much for all your replys.

Yes the day care says she calms down almost as soon as the door closes.

Will try keeping it short and sweet, i do draw it out a little.

Thanks again





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Old 03-06-2010, 02:25 PM   #6
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its probably for attention if she's over it so quickly. maybe set up a reward system for each morning she lets you leave without a fuss, stickers or choice of snacks or something, mand x



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Old 03-06-2010, 03:33 PM   #7
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Also you could kind of work on a distraction type thing. Maybe get similar items such as a small pretty stone. Have one each and tell her if she ever misses you or wants to talk to hold teh item and where ever you are you be holding yours thinking of her too.

Or the other thing is to plan with her something you will do when you pick her up. Then you can kinda say I will be back in x time and then we wil do such a thing together.




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Old 03-06-2010, 11:03 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou Lou View Post

I know its very hard but the best thing to do is give her a hug and a kiss and walk out without engaging her about how upset she is. Soon she'll understand she can't get your attention that way and will stop. If that doesn't work...I don't know....could you decrease her hours in daycare and then gradually increase them again so that she gets used to be left for short amounts of time before being left for longer (hope that made sense?)

Also, if you know you are going to be leaving her for any amount of time, talk to her about it in an attempt to prepare her for the separation and so that she understands you'll be coming back xxxx
Totally agree with this.
Short and sweet is the best way to go =]
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Old 04-06-2010, 02:20 PM   #9
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I droped my little girl off to day care on Thursday, I was prepared to be short and sweet with her and instead she kissed me and said "bye mummy" and waved with a big smile on her face. Kids are so unpredictable.





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Old 04-06-2010, 02:28 PM   #10
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Oh wow! Great news! hope it continues x



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Old 07-06-2010, 11:33 PM   #11
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:) That's good. Sometimes children pick up on the tensions of their parents...if you were relaxed about it, prepared for it etc, she may have been too.

Long may it last. And don't be discouraged if she reverts back to getting upset xx



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Old 08-06-2010, 12:03 PM   #12
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thats great she did that :) so pleased for you! I had to go away with my partner for a weekend as his father passed away and my son was exactly the same when I got back, really clingy. He is just fine now he knows Im not going anywhere.



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