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Old 25-03-2010, 12:44 PM   #21641
Doikers
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Quote:
I feel so pointless, worthless, useless, unloveable.
April you are NONE of those things , you just can't see it as you are in such a shitty place but it will get better for you , for all of us , we just have to hold on and yes thats hard but we can do it , we are a tough bunch *Hugs*
Oh and don't worry about what you landlord thinks about what you look like it's not his buisness to judge you . As for your cold feet try these * Hands April super warming socks*

I Read your rant-vent thread , please be safe mate *Extra Hugs*


Last edited by Doikers : 25-03-2010 at 12:48 PM. Reason: to add a bit .


I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones

It's okay , they know me here .

Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)


''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"

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Old 25-03-2010, 12:55 PM   #21642
one_step_closer
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I wish that I would just die. Life is too much for me and I want nothing from it.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-03-2010, 02:09 PM   #21643
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*cuddles to all*

I'm really struggling. Just didn't realise how much?? I think just because I had a couple good days, it wiped out all the bad ones before that from memory, if that makes sense. Yet I remember other people (well my best friends) not being okay. But keep trying to block out me not being ok. If that even makes sense? All came to a head on Tuesday night, well Wednesday morning. Was talking to one of my best friends for over 3 hours about how I'm spiralling downwards & so fast, apprantly my best friends are trying to catch me but I'm going too fast & they're worried. They must be right, they are the people who know me the best :) Sorta realised it for myself yesterday. But everything's fine. I'm fine. Don't need any help. I'M FINE FINE FINE :@ :'(

Sorry for lack of individual support..



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Old 25-03-2010, 02:23 PM   #21644
SoMuchMore
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*cuddles april* yes it would be nicer to just be able to reinvent myself. There has been a lot going on that makes me feel like this... its just all kinda been building since my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. Thats when i first got this idea that i needed to get out of here, and even tho now I am a lot more okay with the whole situation than i was... that feeling hasnt gone away at all. Plus, Im just so tired of having social anxiety issues ruin my life... I hate it. Like in class or whatever, i'll actually have something legitimate to say and ill try to raise my hand (to get my participation points) and a huge wave of anxiety comes over... not usually a panic attack but still pretty sucky. Idk. I just want out.

Anyway, enough about me... I'm sorry that you are feeling poorly but Mark is right, you are not pointless or useless or any of the other things you said. I'm glad that you professor gave you an extension, that was very nice of him. Keeping hold on, I know its hard, but you can do it! *hugs*

*hugs mark* I understand what you mean about wanting someone to say something that will fix you... it sucks that it doesnt really work like that. I always find myself waiting for quintessential moments that never actually happen heh. Anyway, I hope you are okay.

*hugs lindsay* I'm sorry things are so hard right now, but you can keep fighting. Stay strong hun.

*cuddles helen* Hun, you don't sound fine... Maybe try to let your friends help. Keep talking on here if it helps. I'm sorry i dont have much advice right now.



<3

forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past
- buddy wakefield

I won't give up if you don't give up



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Old 25-03-2010, 02:38 PM   #21645
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I'm not fine. I know :'( Now I may have a job and I'm sat here nearly crying. Feeling like crying for days. I can't do this. Can't do anything :'(



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Old 25-03-2010, 02:46 PM   #21646
SoMuchMore
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*cuddles helen* maybe you should let yourself cry... it might help. Hang in there. I've gotta get to class, but if u need to talk feel free to send me a PM.

*hugs everyone else before rushing out* gonna be late! heh o well.



<3

forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past
- buddy wakefield

I won't give up if you don't give up



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Old 25-03-2010, 02:47 PM   #21647
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Thanks Laura x



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Old 25-03-2010, 03:10 PM   #21648
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*huggles everyone*

Thanks April and Mark re my 19 months milestone. Tonight - hmm, maybe that should be last night as it's now after midnight - we celebrated by watching two movies (Romeo + Juliet && Jumper) and had some Black Forest cake. It was really nice. Just some time with friends who realise that it's been a struggle. Seriously, it's been lovely.

*hugs everyone, sneaks some cake and snacks into the ward and then curls up in the corner to try and get some sleep :) *



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 25-03-2010, 03:28 PM   #21649
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Sounds awesome, hope you get a good sleep Kahlia :) *cuddles*



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Old 25-03-2010, 03:32 PM   #21650
Scarletdreamer
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I spy a Helen!! *cuddles* So sorry that you haven't been feeling very well... that sucks. :( And that you're not fine - I understand what you mean when you say that there were a few good days that kind of wiped out the bad. Is there anything I/we can do to help? and yes, I agree with LauraStar, let your friends help you as - as you said - they know you best. *squish* Maybe seek some outside help too if you can??

Thanks for the support guys... am still feeling awfully rubbishy and just want to off myself... but I can't here. I don't know. I just don't see any way out anymore.



RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.


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Old 25-03-2010, 04:18 PM   #21651
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Trying to let my best friends help (aswell as my other friends) but everyone has so much of their own ****. One of best friends replied to my text earlier, that I sent during the night, telling me how need help etc.

BUT I'm not going back through that circle of crap, to be told they can't help/nothing's wrong/broken promises. May aswell just continue to suffer. Meh meh meh MEH MEH MEH!!



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Old 25-03-2010, 04:54 PM   #21652
borntobleed
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*huggss everyone in the ward*

im lost in my own head. i see no way out. my memories are fading and all i want is to have them back, silence is killing me and im left alone with the people in my head, and only bad dreams. all i want to do is cut. ive tryed to cry but i cant, im to angry but for no reason.
im scared of myself



strength is overcome by weakness. i have nothing left to give. accept me with my scars of leave
I LOVE LET-IT-BLEED SHE IS MY ANGEL. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE TO PROTECT HER

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Old 25-03-2010, 05:03 PM   #21653
Scarletdreamer
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I spy a Crimson & a borntobleed (sorry don't know your name!!)!!... how are you guys doing? *cuddles*

Hels, I'm sorry that you are in such a bad place... :( I feel your pain, I really do... what are you thinking about most of the time? if I dare ask that, heh... maybe try to do something to get your mind off of it - whatever "it" is? I don't know, sorry am not of much help right now. *cuddles* Feel free to PM me... I know I didn't/haven't yet respond/ed to your last one but that's my fault not yours... sorry. :(

Borntobleed, I wish that I could sprinkle magic happydust on all of us and make everything better... :( I'm sorry that you're feeling low as well. Are you getting outside help?? *hugs*

I'm still feeling rubbishy but just had some M&Ms so am feeling a little more, erm, chocolatized. Heh. :-/

I emailed my pastor about how bad things are getting and am waiting for a response... am nervous. :( I was 100% honest with him... so I'm scared.

*hides where no one can find her*



RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.


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Old 25-03-2010, 05:05 PM   #21654
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ok i feel like i am replying too much now.. so sorry if im getting to be an annoyance.

*hugs kahlia* glad you had a good time!

*hugs april* please dont do anything. Things might get better with time. I know thats hard to picture especially if you have been waiting for years but, u have to keep up hope. Im glad that u emailed ur pastor, hopefully he is some help.

*hugs helen* if your friends want to help though, maybe you should let them... its okay to lean on people, everyone has their own problems i know but that is what they are there for... to support each other.

*hugs borntobleed* I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Try to stay safe. Did anything trigger these feelings?

*goes over to corner and hides for awhile* I'm so stupid sometimes.



<3

forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past
- buddy wakefield

I won't give up if you don't give up



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Old 25-03-2010, 05:20 PM   #21655
borntobleed
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scarletdreamer:- thankyou i wish that i had magicel happydust id happily o.d on it

fallinstar:- yeah i have been triggered, because i am alone, no one wants to be around me no more, everyone is always angry at me i just want to get away from myself

i feel ditached from myself, like nothing is real like i am so far away from everything. all sounds are to loud and i cant deal with this
sorry for rammbeling



strength is overcome by weakness. i have nothing left to give. accept me with my scars of leave
I LOVE LET-IT-BLEED SHE IS MY ANGEL. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE TO PROTECT HER

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Old 25-03-2010, 05:43 PM   #21656
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I spy a Hayley & Doikers =)

Thanks for the support April & Laura *cuddles*

Am trying to allow people to help me, but they don't seem to be able to help much at the moment. People keep saying I should go back to a&e/my doctors etc. But I really don't want to go through all that stress again :'( Maybe I should. Only way I'll ever get help is if I keep going. Hate mh services >.>

Thinking lot about lot of things I guess April. About self harm, overdosing (I so did not count the amount of painkillers there is in the kitchen), suicide and other bad **** :/ Bleh. I don't even feel like I'm answering the question properly *sighs*

I am having epic fail of today. Haven't done my chores whatsoever. Will get called lazy by my sister. Least I forced myself to finally get washed & dressed not that long ago (it's 4.42pm) so nobody can say anything about that. Keep eating when promised myself I wouldn't today :/ It's too hard :'( :'( Trying to keep safe. I do want to keep safe & really don't. Got to love conflictions (Y)



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Old 25-03-2010, 05:49 PM   #21657
CrazyHayley
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I swear I only missed an opportunity to get online yesterday but there have been onver 3pages of posts since I was last paying attention! *worries she's lost time!*

Please forgive me for not doing individual replies to all but there were far too many, though some posts stuck out in my mind....

*does a belated 19month SI free dance with Kahlia* oh and as for NSAIDs, have you tried diclofenac or naproxen? Though they don't advise to be on high doses of these for too long as they can cause stomach ulcers! I was on the first one for over 5 years before they realised and I was swiftly taken off it otherwise they said I could be dead by the time I was 30....at the time I was 25 and su so I was like "thats fine with me!" As I'm 29 in a few months and having a sane day today I'm glad they changed me, though last month I had to have an anti ulcer drug which made me feel really nauseus :( But I can't get by without my NSAIDs, so I feel your pain *painrelieving huggles*

*huggles Crimson* thanks for posting 'Dream Big' not the genre of music that I would usually listen to, but the lyrics were uplifting and full of hope :)

*group huggles all else in ward*

*pops out to the smoking shelter*...."puppy sinclair! Walkies!!"



"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"

"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"

dontwantyoutoknow is my lil sis

I GOT LEI'D IN VETS!!!
I'm a Plumeria Tree!!!


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Old 25-03-2010, 05:53 PM   #21658
CrazyHayley
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ooh just read my post then wondered....if I'm having such a sane day today then why did I binge earlier?! And why did I then take laxatives?! I may not have cried today or had thoughts of SI or what not, but still....I guess I still have a lot of work to do before I can be 'normal' even on my sane days.....

*ponders whilst goes back out to smoking shelter*



"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"

"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"

dontwantyoutoknow is my lil sis

I GOT LEI'D IN VETS!!!
I'm a Plumeria Tree!!!


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Old 25-03-2010, 06:10 PM   #21659
PoisonedApple
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Hayley~ me either but it was on an blogtalk radio show i was listening to... i liked it.

Yesterday was going so well... then i went home and it all went to ****.i was so pissed off i didn't even get on my computer... i cleaned house. on the upside my laundry is now all the way caught up even though i thought it'd be a few loads off...
hope today goes better but i have to finish cleaning tonight so the landlord can come in tomorrow... i hate when the come in no matter the reason or how clean the place is. i always feel judged...
*huggles laura, heyley, helen, april, kahlia, anyone i missed*



I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!

"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"


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Old 25-03-2010, 06:52 PM   #21660
CrazyHayley
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ooh I had a landlady check yesterday, it was the first time I didn't clean before she came round, I was just too poorly with my M.E symptoms. But she was happy enough as it was still clean and tidy for her liking, perhaps I still am quite obsessive compulsive with my cleaning, it just doesn't feel clean enough...but my priorites have changed, as in I'll post on here rather than go do the washing up.....well my alarm is set to go do that at 6.15pm, I've a freind coming over at 7pm and I can't have them see my mess/dirt!
what was I rambling?! Oh yes, landlords, mine always checks in my fridge and makes comments on my eating! bloody cheek!! So I totally understand how you feel Crimson about being judged. But I'm sure we with MH issues kinda feel it worse. Congrats on getting up to date with laundry. I nealry am, I just have handwashing stuff to do. Oh how I dislike handwashing, but I love the clothes!

*huggles Helen* I see you awake in here!



"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"

"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"

dontwantyoutoknow is my lil sis

I GOT LEI'D IN VETS!!!
I'm a Plumeria Tree!!!


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