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Old 25-01-2016, 05:18 PM   #1
emmyloves
 
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I can't stop.

Last few days I've been battling in my head. I need help. I know my behaviours out of control. I don't know what to do. I'm under crisis team but all I'm
Entitled to is a phone call. My behaviour the weekend has been erratic. Today I brought a toxic substance and have saved a massive stash of pills tonight feels like the night. I've had my last meal, I've wrote my note and said goodbye to everyone. Of course I don't want to die. No one in suicide really wants to die. There's always going to be that constant argument which us humans will never understand but there's no way out.


Last edited by Aardbei : 26-01-2016 at 10:43 PM. Reason: removed nature of substance - tip-sharing
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Old 25-01-2016, 07:33 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emmyloves View Post
Last few days I've been battling in my head. I need help. I know my behaviours out of control. I don't know what to do. I'm under crisis team but all I'm
Entitled to is a phone call. My behaviour the weekend has been erratic. Today I brought a toxic substance and have saved a massive stash of pills tonight feels like the night. I've had my last meal, I've wrote my note and said goodbye to everyone. Of course I don't want to die. No one in suicide really wants to die. There's always going to be that constant argument which us humans will never understand but there's no way out.
I'm sorry I'm struggling with coming up with the right words to offer you some tangible support. Don't give up! You still have hope or you wouldn't be asking for help. I understand all too well what its like to feel hopeless and looking for a way out. I don't (really) want to die either.


Last edited by tiptoes : 28-01-2016 at 06:02 PM. Reason: removed edited information from the quote
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Old 25-01-2016, 09:02 PM   #3
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I think I'm going to take them.

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Old 25-01-2016, 10:41 PM   #4
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how are you doing?
i know its hard and i will sound like a hypocrite whatever i say becuse i feel so similar to you.
but i am here if you need someone to be with tonight just to listen

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Old 25-01-2016, 11:28 PM   #5
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I took a little amount. Crisis team said there sending an ambulance.

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Old 26-01-2016, 04:06 AM   #6
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Well done for reaching out for help, I know it can't have been easy.
Sorry I didn't reply sooner

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Old 26-01-2016, 01:19 PM   #7
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The ambulance just took me to the mental health. I said I don't feel safe and they know I'm struggling with the death of my ex boyfriend. So after going all the way there for 20 mins they said they can't help because they have no beds and yet again I'm entitled just to a phone call. So meh. Doesn't matter if I died. No one cares.

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Old 26-01-2016, 01:50 PM   #8
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it makes me so angry all the cuts to MH and how they dont help anyone. You do deserve help and people do care. I care.
Do you have a therapist or anyone you see regularly? If so, could you try phoning them, maybe they will be a bit more stable and allow you to see them more often in the short term.

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Old 26-01-2016, 02:33 PM   #9
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it makes me so angry all the cuts to MH and how they dont help anyone. You do deserve help and people do care. I care.
Do you have a therapist or anyone you see regularly? If so, could you try phoning them, maybe they will be a bit more stable and allow you to see them more often in the short term.
I do have group therapy 3 days a week.

Feel so ill and dizzy today. Maybe this is the start of a painful death.

I rang them last night saying I've got [substance] and loads of pills in front of me they were just like "a well phone back in a bit" no point reaching out for help.


Last edited by Aardbei : 26-01-2016 at 10:42 PM. Reason: removed substance - tip-sharing
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Old 26-01-2016, 03:04 PM   #10
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i have had similar experiences with crisis teams too, theyre so rubbish sometimes i wonder why they do their job. i know sometimes they want to do more but cant because of limitations. but sometimes it feels like they just cant be bothered.
i remember one time and the crisis team came round after i had been discharged. i told her i needed to try again etc, she went 'hmm' and just carried on off topic and left and that was that. ****ing useless.

when is your group therapy? could you bring it up with them how hard things are for you right now?

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Old 26-01-2016, 04:11 PM   #11
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It sucks :( I don't know why there even called a Crisis team anymore. No ones taking me seriously. No wonder why my ex committed suicide if there like this. Arghhh! He said in his note the NHS has failed him.

A few weeks ago woman came round she didn't have a clue about my ex and I had to go through it all again. And she just kept saying how nice my flat was.

It's only if j do something people ****ing listen. What am I meant to do? I'm trying so hard but I can no longer keep myself safe. I know it's my responsibility etc.. Tonight I have plans. **** telling anyone this poison will finish me off

I have one tomorrow they are fully aware I'm struggling and do support me but my "24 hour care" is the crisis team. My behaviour was erratic the weekend.

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Old 26-01-2016, 04:42 PM   #12
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im sorry about your ex
totally with you on that it feels like if you dont do anything they ignore you
theres no other mental health helpline in your area besides the crisis line? i think it depends alot on the area, when i used to live in uk there was one. they were more willing to listen and would just sit with you on the phone so you felt a bit less alone.

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Old 26-01-2016, 05:41 PM   #13
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There's focusine and the usual numbers they give you like 111, Smartians but I'm done talking.

Crisis team keep saying there either busy or have one staff member on duty. I mean why tell the ambulance to bring me up. I said to them I feel unsafe. I have poison at home. He tried to look for avbed, no beds, didn't even talk to me then sent me off home in a taxi. Pfft don't matter anymore. I will have a painful death but will be at peace by the end of it and be with him.

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Old 26-01-2016, 05:45 PM   #14
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do you have any friends or family you can call or be with?
or maybe even a film you want to see, go to the cinema and get a massive tub of popcorn?

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Old 26-01-2016, 05:48 PM   #15
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Not really my folks and friends live far away and not people I want to be around now to be honest.

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Old 26-01-2016, 06:27 PM   #16
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okay fair enough.
can you think of anything at all you can do for distractions? any projects youre working on? do you like art and craft? when i need to distract myself mindlessly and not think too much but still use my hands i usually go on pinterest

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Old 26-01-2016, 07:52 PM   #17
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youve gone a bit quiet whats going on right now?
sorry the stuff i say isnt helpful, but sometimes having someone to listen helps?

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Old 26-01-2016, 07:57 PM   #18
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Took more tabs.
Got it all ready the drink.

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Old 26-01-2016, 08:15 PM   #19
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please call for an ambulance. showing up twise in two days to A&E must tell them its not safe for you to leave.
please call?

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Old 26-01-2016, 09:55 PM   #20
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have you managed to phone for some help?

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