I feel kind of bad to be posting another thread, asking for advice, when I don't give anything back to the community. So, I'm sorry to everyone..
So, I was in the hospital for almost two weeks. While in there I was seeing a psych for a brief period every morning of the weekdays. He was alerted before hand about how things had been going for me, what I had been doing, how I was acting. He would ask very small simple questions like "how are you?", "what do you want to work on?". Basically very generic questions in my opinion. The only reason I believe he discharged me was because I chose to return home after my stay instead of a shelter. On the day he alerted me of my discharge he told me he was recommending my parents read a book called "Stop walking on eggshells", because as he put it "they shouldn't have to worry about provoking a bad mood so you go off overdosing on them". At the time I was like whatever, so what it's just a book. So, I came home, and like I think anyone would be I was interested in what my parents were going to be reading to potentially help me and help themselves understand mental illness and what I was going through. That's when I found out it's a book on coping with people who have Borderline personality disorder. I've never been diagnosed with anything, he never spoke a word to me about what I may have. In fact I don't believe he has anyway of being able to successfully label me after knowing me for a week and talking with me about 6 times, I've even been reading about BPD and I'm having an even harder time seeing how it is possible for him to have done that with my age and all.
This may seem like no big deal, but I'm worried that my parents reading a book on something I haven't been diagnosed with could be damaging to their understanding of what I'm going through in the long run, and to mental illness as a whole. Do I have any reason to actually be worried? Am I just in denial? I don't see how my parents reading a book having to do with BPD is going to help me right now. Has anybody read the book? Does it have anything in it on anything other than BPD? I guess I'm just looking for others opinions on this whole situation.. I'm not seeing him anymore but I have to go check in with him next Thursday to see how the zoloft is doing..
i've never read Stop Walking on Eggshells. i think it has a lot of negative connotations. fact is, that many people with BPD are very different. and a lot of people without BPD can be manipulative too. i think it's ill-advised for a mental health professional who doesn't know someone very well to suggest a book is the best tool for the parents of a distressed child. it may well be that they feel powerless but i think there needs to be more understanding between you all as a family, than what can be found in a book that has a negative name (and, from what i can see, mixed reviews on Amazon). i think family therapy would be better, or individual therapy for you and separate support for your parents.
but then, i do get very angry when i hear all these negative views towards people with BPD (though it is true that sometimes our behaviours can be a bit manipulative, even if we don't know it - but the same can be said for many people).
i don't think the diagnosis is the issue here. do you have anyone you see regularly for support/professionals?
I think family therapy is what he should have recommended. One thing he was aware of was the rocky relationship between my and my parents, and the lack of understanding we have with each other and their very little knowledge on mental illness.
I start seeing a counselor starting next Tuesday. But currently no. Before the hospital visit I had no even talked with any mental health professional.
Last edited by live/love/die : 11-06-2009 at 11:18 PM.
Just to say my friend had BPD and thought that book was very accurate and helpful. Maybe you could read it first and then if you thought it might be useful pass it on to your parents?
I was thinking of that. But no libraries in my city have it, so my parents were the ones going to buy it..
I mean I could very well have BPD, I have 8 of 9 criteria, from what I can tell.. But i think it's too soon for my parents to be reading material on a specific psychiatric disorder
I have never read the book, but from my understanding it is written to deal specifically with BPD.
However I decided a long time ago that the book was stupid and that I hate anyone who likes it, because the only people I ever heard talk about it were the stupidest and cruelest people I could imagine.
So in the opinion of someone who has BPD and has never read the book, every single copy should be burned and the author should be beaten.
That being said...I don't know, maybe try and focus on the symptoms rather than the actual label? Books that deal with BPD and focus on understanding symptoms might be a good place to learn from whether you have BPD or not. I read "Sometimes I act crazy" and I thought it was really good. It gives a lot of real life examples/experiences and explains each symptoms. So if you have those symptoms maybe you'd want to read that.
I also believe that book would give a lot of understanding into those symptoms and would be good for a family member to read.
I dunno....walking on eggshells seems to have a lot of really annoying assumptions and little compassion for the suffering that goes along with BPD.
Personally I would steal the book from my parents and shred it. Anyway sorry, dunno how helpful I was...even the mention of the phrase "walking on eggshells" angers me. haha
I have read some of the book and stopped because I didn't like it. I was told to read the book because my mom has BPD and that I have picked up some traits myself. I didn't like the idea of following a set of guidelines of how to treat my mother.
I think it's good that you are questioning what they are telling you. It doesn't sound like denial, it sounds like you are trying to see if this possible diagnosis sounds reasonable. For various reasons I've had to have a number of different therapists (at different times) and I had varying diagnosis. One told me I have BPD and two said I do not. So I think it's important to find someone that you trust and who has had experience in this area. I'm not saying this doctor was wrong or right but I don't think it's fair to give you a diagnosis in that little time.
About the book, I wouldn't jump into it. I think it can be helpful looking at reliable sites online and getting information about it but I would not suggest the book, especially at this point. I think the important thing right now is setting you up with a support system, which includes a therapist if you don't have one already. You said you're on medication so that's a good step but having a therapist is really important too.
Maybe take your next appointment as an opportunity to ask him why he suggested the book.
Every time you get up and get back in the race,
One more small piece of you starts
To fall into place
i actually bought my parents that book and it hurt me so much,basicly my parents need to see me as a risk to prove to social that they no and can protect my baby from the risk.but as he was reading though the book i noticed that its been over done complety.
Borderline personailty disorder isnt what other think it is.
i dont advise this book for ure parents,be warned they will come out with things when ure very upset like i love you but im not going to talk to you in this state and walk off cause that what this book tells you.
for me its made my parents see risks that aint either there but i needed to do this for my situation.
my dad was making comments the whole way though the book like this sound like you,black and white think always right ect things that make you feel really **** about ure self.
i would advise any other book,because that book is horried,i mean just think about the title stop walking on eggshells it is the relatives that are walking on eggsheels it the person who actually have it.there the ones who feel like they can brake any minte or slip on the floor.
My mom ended up borrowing the book from the library last Saturday. I got "The borderline personality disorder survival guide", it seems so much supportive. Me and my mom had a talk the following night about it, and surprisingly she shares the same concerns as me. So, she is still gonna read the book but she says she isn't taking it to seriously, and I've convinced her to read my book when I'm done. My mom also raised the concerns with my counselor on Tuesday, and she said it won't hurt to read it, but she wants my mom to discuss all this with the psychiatrist on Friday..
I'll about Friday after we speak with him
When I'm alone I make believe that,
I'm in a different time and place where,
nobody wants to know my name and
no one will recognize my face.
People have said to me "I'm sick of walking on eggshells with you" or "I'm walking on eggshells here" it really does upset me a lot... I've had other similar comments and it's just... grrr. BPD is commonly misunderstood by those who don't suffer from the debilitating disorder.
Sarey, is there anyway you could explain to them that they needn't do that. I wrote a letter to one of my younger sisters at the beginning of the year because she found out about my mh problems towards the end of last year and then stopped confiding in me etc in case she made me do something. After she read the letter, things started to get better as she now knows that it isn't her fault if I "do" something.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
