Beyond repair.

[one_step_closer]

I'm glad the appointment went fairly well, I hope the other ones go well. It's definitely ok to take some time to rest, you've been full of anxiety about the appointments and that's bound to further drain you. Be kind to yourself.

[chinahorse]

I could do with something. I feel I don't matter unless I self harm. I'm insanely jealous of people who have recently. I want to self harm badly but I've work tomorrow and not enough money to go visit a friend next weekend AND go to a and e tonight. I want somone to tell me that I don't need to self harm for them to see I'm struggling. I'm really low and really really on the edge of cutting. I feel like a failure at life.

[chinahorse]

My meeting with my new cpn went terribly and I don't like her.

[Juella]

I'm sorry it didn't go well. What went wrong?

[chinahorse]

I don't know I can't quantify it I just feel it went terribly. Everything is terrible rn.

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry everything feels terrible. Do you think you can give the relationship with your CPN a bit of time to develop and hopefully it will improve as you get to know each other? I know you need someone right now though. You do matter and you are not a failure.

[chinahorse]

I don't want to have to get to know someone else though. I know I sound like a spoilt child though.

Thank you.

I'm craving self harm. To be looked after.

[one_step_closer]

I understand that, it would be much better if you could have a longstanding supportive relationship with someone. I'm sorry you don't have that right now.

I also understand wanting to self harm to be looked after, and it's really sad that you feel like that's what you'd have to do to be looked after. What would being looked after look like/feel like? I hope there would be another way that you could get some comfort and support from someone.

[chinahorse]

Thank you.


I want someone to be with rn. Someone to spill my head to in person who understands. I'm not sure that's all of it but that's all I can verbalise.

[one_step_closer]

I know. A person, just someone there with you who listens and won't judge can be an amazing relief. Are there no people like that in your personal life right now? Are there any support services where you could talk to someone?

[chinahorse]

The last time I spoke to ooh I took an od that should have killed me because of them. I haven't got over how unhelpful they were.

I've message a friend. It says I want to die but don't think I'll act on it. Which is true.
And now I'm crying

[one_step_closer]

Oh Lillie. I'm glad you've messaged a friend anyway. Is this friend usually helpful?

[chinahorse]

Not sure I can stay safe. I am so sad.

The friend is trying.

[Juella]

Are you okay? Did you manage to stay safe? I'm sorry everything is so tough and support is so hard to find.
Was your friend able to support you?

[chinahorse]

I ended up in A and E.

[Eska]

*hugs and love*

How are you doing now? Were they able to treat you and/or get you any support?

[tamobhuuta]

Sorry you had to go to A&E. How are you now? Sending love.

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry you ended up in A&E Lillie. Did anything useful come of it? How are you now?

[chinahorse]

I got put back together. Went home. Slept for 3 hours and did an 8 hour work day. No point to see psych as they will just tell me I'm fine. I'm exhausted.

[nonperson]

Why do they tell you you're fine? =/

Can you get a super early night tonight?