i want to hurt myself, cut, make suicide attempts. want to do everything i can to hurt myself. i want to get worse. i think i deserve worse. i deserve pain. i dont care if it kills me but i care about how others would feel about it
i feel helpless . dont know what to do
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
I can really relate to what you have said. I feel like this a lot of the time too. I'm sorry that you don't care about yourself, I hope that will change. In the meantime I know it's hard but even just trying to focus on not hurting yourself for the sake of others can maybe be a way to at least stay safe. It sounds like other people care about you. Do you know what good they see in you? Maybe you could ask people.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
i think its just how they feel when theyre around me.. thats the only reason people want others to stay alive, how you make them feel, how they will feel when you're gone etc. Its not about how i am as a person, good/bad, whether i have potential etc.. no one actually cares about that stuff, its only said to make you feel better and not kill yourself because they want you to be alive.
^dunno if any of this makes sense, makes sense in my head though
I've just been trying to get on with work, pretend to be a normal human being. Its obviously difficult but no other option.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
I can understand what you're saying, it still means that you have some good qualities though because it would affect people if you weren't around. I'm sure there are at least some people who can see your potential too and genuinely care about you having a good life.
Facing daily life can be difficult when you're feeling so low, I hope you recognise your strength with persevering with things. You are a normal human being having a hard time. Is there anything that can be put in place for you right now that might help?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
cant think of anything. spoke to the GP today, she wants me to continue seeing her regardless of whether i want to accept treatment or not. i told her i dont see the point and dont want to waste her time but she still thinks i should keep coming in to see her so i've accepted that for now.
right now im overwhelmed from counselling earlier and just want to hide
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
It might be beneficial to continue having contact with your GP regularly, just in case you find that you feel the need to discuss something with her. Even just having a person there for you can ease the burden a bit.
How do you normally cope after counselling? Would it help to literally have a place to hide, maybe making a den with pillows and sheets and spending some safe time there?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Firstly, do you know what has suddenly brought this on? I get like that when real life feels really overwhelming and I think I remember you mentioning something like this before..where 'getting better' is scary (sorry if i'm wrong)
Nobody deserves hurt and pain. I truely believe that. If you think people won't miss you, they will. They associate themselves with you because they like you and you are valuable. My friends definitely wouldn't have stuck by me if they didn't care about me.
Can you do anything tonight to keep yourself safe? I like the idea of building a safe space. Blanket fortes are the best.
Keep talkiing here if you need to aswell.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I managed to get some sleep that night, yesterday wasn't too bad but my work suffered. Like, what's the point?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeRises
Firstly, do you know what has suddenly brought this on? I get like that when real life feels really overwhelming and I think I remember you mentioning something like this before..where 'getting better' is scary (sorry if i'm wrong)
I think work stress plays a part. Its a cycle. Stress about work, feel low, can't work/don't see the point of it, fall behind, stress more... etc.
You're right. Though right now I'm not getting better, just worse. That's not scary. Its what i want. So yeah, better =scary. Worse=goal
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
I thought today would be better but i ended up cutting - first time in several months. Got it checked which is a positive.
Just trying to distract myself from further urges. if i can get through the weekend without self harming it would be ideal.
im going to try harder with getting work done tomorrow, like actually turn up to do work. if i can get myself there and just do at least an hour of work i would be more than happy... of course it would still mean im falling behind but its better than staying home.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
How have you been getting on? Sorry you turned to self harm but I hope you'll be able to move forward from here. Glad you got yourself checked out and have been doing your best to distract yourself from further urges. It's difficult but not impossible. Here if I can help at all.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Im glad i cut. I think i needed that. I needed the humiliation you feel when you cut and have someone take look at it and try fix it. I dont want to be there again.
I've agreed to treatment. not sure about getting better but i can see that im probably just afraid of change or something. I need to get better.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
Change is really scary most of the time I think. The word 'better' implies that things will be, well, better though so it would likely be a good change. Is there anything you can think of that would make change less scary for you?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
