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Old 08-06-2008, 04:20 AM   #701
healingraine
Psalm 34
 
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Yay. it's good that everyone seems to be doing well.
I'm just over 10 months SI free myself.
and it's getting a bit easier.
my devotional the other day was about persevering through the bad thoughts. Instead of letting them control you, thinking about them with the mind of Christ, and using the Holy Spirit to conquer them.
and... June 28 will be my 4 year anniversary of accepting Christ.

on another note: today i had summer orientation at my new school!
so i spent the night in a college dorm for the first time. that was exciting, but a bit scary, because i realized that i have to grow up a lot faster than any of the other people my age... i mean, i'm going to be living on a university campus with all the same rights and privileges as a university student for my last 2 years of high school... So much freedom... and that's a lot of pressure. and i'll be going into an environment where there are not many christians. mostly buddhist, muslim and hindu... so... i'll be needing a lot of prayer...
and i noticed that at least 2 other girls in my new class are/were cutters. cause it's like 98 degrees and they were wearing sweaters over their tshirts... and one girl i actually saw really noticeable scars. i think she saw mine too, because she was avoiding most other people, but she talked to me quite a bit.... yeah, that last bit didn't have much of a point... i'm just always shocked when i see another SIer...



SI free solely by the grace of God!
August 2, 2007


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Old 08-06-2008, 09:39 AM   #702
xxxgypsyxxx
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I Used To Not Believe In God, Then I Went To Church... I Really Got Into It, And Now I Feel Him Everywhere...



“I wanted to die, then. I wanted to destroy the body I was trapped in, become what she was, no matter what it took. No matter how much mutilation or pain. But he looked away, at me. He pulled my face down and pressed my lips against his like he was almost trying to suffocate us both.”



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Old 08-06-2008, 10:43 PM   #703
healingraine
Psalm 34
 
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That's amazing!



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August 2, 2007


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Old 08-06-2008, 10:54 PM   #704
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Salanna View Post
on another note: today i had summer orientation at my new school!
so i spent the night in a college dorm for the first time. that was exciting, but a bit scary, because i realized that i have to grow up a lot faster than any of the other people my age... i mean, i'm going to be living on a university campus with all the same rights and privileges as a university student for my last 2 years of high school... So much freedom... and that's a lot of pressure. and i'll be going into an environment where there are not many christians. mostly buddhist, muslim and hindu... so... i'll be needing a lot of prayer...
and i noticed that at least 2 other girls in my new class are/were cutters. cause it's like 98 degrees and they were wearing sweaters over their tshirts... and one girl i actually saw really noticeable scars. i think she saw mine too, because she was avoiding most other people, but she talked to me quite a bit.... yeah, that last bit didn't have much of a point... i'm just always shocked when i see another SIer...
I'll pray for you. I'm going through the same thing right now. At the start of next month, I go to mine, it's 2 1/2 days. It's gonna be a little uneasy at first, being that I might be the only SI'er there, (Or there is at least one other, and I don't notice them) well, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.





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Old 09-06-2008, 08:44 PM   #705
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Hey :)

I'm Christian and a SI'er. I didn't think that there would be other Christians who self harmed but I'm glad I'm not the only one :)

I've been thinking, I've self harmed since I was 12/13, when my parents broke up and the bullying got worse, and I really want to stop, and my youth leader has been really supportive and I want to thank her in some way, but I don't know how? I want to throw away everything I've used, but not at home, where I could easily delve into the bins whenever I feel the urge, so Idk, I have an idea of taking them to my youth group and wait until everyone is upstairs and just throw them in the bin in the kitchen.. or something, because my youth group is where I feel most accepted and safe, so yeah.

This may have been way OT or something, I'm sorry if it was a bit long

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Old 10-06-2008, 08:51 AM   #706
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Hiya,
Can you give your stuff to your Youth Leader? If they know about it they will be able to not only help you by doing that for you but also to support you as you try to stop.
I was brave and gave them to a friend at church who didn't know I SH. I just gave her my box and said "Can you get rid of this for me".
She was fantastic, she asked no questions, the way she saw it, it was between me and god.
I had prayer for it a few weeks later and she was really good and supported me then, i threw my last few things out that week.
Anyway, I hope you are able to do this.
Liz

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Old 12-06-2008, 10:35 PM   #707
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I did it :) I put everything into a box and gave it to her. I feel strangely liberated now.. even though I know the temptation of using my mum's kitchen utensils will still be there, but I'm determined to stop causing harm to my body.

10 of June was my last cut, today, 12 of June, was the day I threw it all away :)

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Old 13-06-2008, 01:20 AM   #708
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someone died. Someone I didn't know. It was actually a friend of a friend of my best friend (yeah, I know, sounds stupid), but he got into a bad accident. He was in a coma, so she asked me to pray for him. So I did. I guess I didn't pray hard enough.
He died. I don't know him, and I feel bad. I don't know why. I don't understand why he had to die. He had to be around my age. He could have done anything. Why him?
Don't give me any of that "mysterious ways" or "divine plan" crap. I've heard it all before. I want a reason.



I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.



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Old 13-06-2008, 09:36 PM   #709
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he was in an accident. accidents happen. people die in accidents. death is part of being human. it sounds harsh and fatalistic, but everyone's going to die some time. as christians we have hope in the resurrection, that death isn't the end. this guy's death doesn't mean there was anything wrong with why, what or how you were praying. and you can keep praying for him now. it's ok to feel the way you do, but there is more to life than the here and now. xxx



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 13-06-2008, 10:37 PM   #710
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Hi, I'm Nathan, new on this website.
I'm quite a devout Catholic.
Try to go to church weekly, although sometimes I don't.
Catholic my whole life, was brought up on God knows everything, God loves everyone/thing, God looks after people, etc etc.
Now whenever I feel depressed or that my life has no direction and basically everytime I resort to self harm or eating something, I feel as if this great God (that I do firmly believe in) has strung me out to dry and forgotten me. I guess this is normal but can I get some responses on how you guys feel? Or any other opinions on the whole God thing when life is so crap...

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Old 14-06-2008, 03:33 AM   #711
healingraine
Psalm 34
 
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My feelings:
I know that God will never let me down. It's against his very nature. So when i feel depressed, or cut [when i used to cut], or anything like that, i realize that it's not God abandoning me, it's me choosing to stay away from Him. because i know that cutting is idolatry, because it's putting something before Him, and turning to something else for relief.
And I know that sometimes there is a good reason for depression, but when i have periods of cause-less depression I realize that there is probably something not quite right with my relationship with Christ. Sometimes depression is a way to tell me i haven't been spending enough time with Him.



SI free solely by the grace of God!
August 2, 2007


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Old 14-06-2008, 03:38 AM   #712
healingraine
Psalm 34
 
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Oh yeah, and I talked to my friend who helped me give up cutting in the first place today. It was cool cause i haven't talked to her in months, then she out of the blue called me. It made me feel good, cause she was really encouraging, telling me how amazed she is that i'm still being obedient to God in this area.
and she was telling me that at the camp she's about to work at she's already talked to the church leaders, and she found out that 2 of the teens are SIers, and she told me that she's planning on sharing my testimony with them if she gets the chance.
and that was cool to me
i've never thought about me having any sort of testimony
so i was thinking i'd get some of it down on paper in case i ever get an opportunity to share.



SI free solely by the grace of God!
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Old 14-06-2008, 06:30 AM   #713
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I've shared my testimony before... and then went out after and I cut. I couldn't handle the people looking at me, even though it wasn't the first time I spoke in a church. I could've sworn that I could see the hurt in one of my best friends' eyes (yeah, even though I was talking about being si free, I know strange)... and I just couldn't take it.

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Old 14-06-2008, 09:24 PM   #714
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nathanmo - i know how you feel but i also know i'm not the right person to help you feel better, because when i couldn't handle feeling deserted by God, i blamed it on myself, started to believe he never had been and never would be there for me. i'm catholic too and at times when i have found things especially difficult i have found it helpful to talk to our priest, for confession or just guidance. having someone somewhat detached from the situation who can be there without wanting to make you do anything, can be at least a relief. and the great consolation of that person being a priest is i know anything i say won't go any further - priests are good at confidentiality. and in the secular world it can be difficult to talk about the spiritual side of your life, or for someone who doesn't share your faith to understand. would you be able to maybe speak to your parish priest sometime?



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 14-06-2008, 10:46 PM   #715
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSuffererComplex View Post
i will be praying that it all goes well for you ph1sh
ASP went well besides being triggered twice last week. [it was 1.5 wks since i was last triggered]

@Salanna i <3 your cs lewis quote




Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"

Thomas Parke D’Invilliers



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Old 14-06-2008, 10:56 PM   #716
ashleighbean
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i have been so far from God lately...i am going to camp this summer and i have been going there for about ten years, and its a christian camp (word of life...if anyone knows it)..and i almost didnt sign up this year. i go to church every week and youth group but i cant seem to be close to God anymore...i want it back but i cant seem to find my way...



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Old 15-06-2008, 01:28 AM   #717
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^^^you sound like me...i'm there too..leavin for camp in 2 days! (good luck!!) camps are good for gettin close to God...you just have to be ready for when you get back...if you wanna stay close you really have to work hard.

at least you're trying =D
i'm being stubborn and i know it...its like i've told god that if he really wants me...he's gonna have to come get me lol (not a good idea probably)

*squishes fellow squishy squad member*



Love so amazing, so divine
demands my soul, my life, my all. =)



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Old 15-06-2008, 04:42 AM   #718
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting in the dark View Post
nathanmo - i know how you feel but i also know i'm not the right person to help you feel better, because when i couldn't handle feeling deserted by God, i blamed it on myself, started to believe he never had been and never would be there for me. i'm catholic too and at times when i have found things especially difficult i have found it helpful to talk to our priest, for confession or just guidance. having someone somewhat detached from the situation who can be there without wanting to make you do anything, can be at least a relief. and the great consolation of that person being a priest is i know anything i say won't go any further - priests are good at confidentiality. and in the secular world it can be difficult to talk about the spiritual side of your life, or for someone who doesn't share your faith to understand. would you be able to maybe speak to your parish priest sometime?
Hi waitin in the dark,
there is actually a priest at the college i live in, so i mite seek him out at some point. Im feelin a bit better today, forcin myself 2 temporarily 4get about exams and last nite i had a really fun time with my friends so i feel a bit happier 2day
Nathan

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Old 15-06-2008, 04:46 AM   #719
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dazedandconfused: yeah i am thinking that way as well..its just soo hard coming home from it all and i will be there two weeks and that is alot of camp time and time with god that i no i will loose when i get home..i just dont feel worthy enough to love god anymore.



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Old 15-06-2008, 04:47 AM   #720
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^^oh and *squishes back* i forgot.
and hi nathan i am glad your feeling better.



Leave out all the Rest:
[Dreamer&Believer and netsirkylime are my bubbly amigos]
[shakespeare's strumpet is my big sis]
<3[absi is my girlfriend]<3


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