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Old 26-04-2008, 06:37 PM   #641
tamobhuuta
 
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congratulations TheSuffererComplex, and stay away from stress :)



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Old 27-04-2008, 01:45 AM   #642
healingraine
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We have baptism [usually as a small child] then when we are old enough we go through "Communicant's Class", and at the end of it we hace the choice to "be confirmed", join the church



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Old 27-04-2008, 03:54 AM   #643
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Salanna View Post
We have baptism [usually as a small child] then when we are old enough we go through "Communicant's Class", and at the end of it we hace the choice to "be confirmed", join the church
Explained it better than I could :P

I don't know if Stupenville is only a thing around here, or if it's around the country... At any rate, has anyone gone, and if so, how was it?





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Old 27-04-2008, 04:06 AM   #644
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Hi, I've seen this thread a few times but never got the courage to post... I am 17 years old and have been SIing for the past 5 years. the only people in my family that know that are my parents, brothers and aunt and uncle (she had to let him know so that when i call he could keep their kids busy) and a cousin. There is only one person in my church that knows of my si but has moved due to her husband getting a job as a pastor at a different church. I have yet to tell my pastor and am wondering if i should or not. She is a wonderful women but i am afraid of her reaction. I do see a therapist (but am currently changing) and psychiatrist. So yea do you guys think i should tell her?? How would I get around to telling her? I hope it's ok that I'm asking this....



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Old 27-04-2008, 07:51 PM   #645
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I'm not sure. It is necessary to see things from a christian perspective, so she could help with that... Personally, my pastor was always nicer and more understanding than my therapist...
We recently got a new pastor, and I haven't told him because I don't think it's necessary... It's a part of my past now



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Old 30-04-2008, 03:38 AM   #646
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help

i dont know what to do at the moment im so scared...sorry for posting and not replying to others much...i just sent a email to a friend at church about how im feeling ...im so scared...im shaking...and...i didnt mean to press the send button, wasnt ready...im am so scared....please help...shell probly think im stupid and hate me or something....

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Old 30-04-2008, 07:15 PM   #647
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Can I vent a bit? I know I have a tendency to go on and on, so this will probably end up long and somewhat repetitive - you don't have to read if you don't want :)

I am a Christian, but sometimes I just get so frustrated with how people in the church handle problems like SI, mental illness, etc. I need a friend who's going to stand by me and help me fight, not one that's going to just throw Christian cliches and Bible verses at me. I'm tired of hearing that I just have to believe what God says about me, that I have to find my identity in Him, that I have to turn to and depend on Him, that only He can truly heal me, etc. It may all be true, but sometimes it feels like people just say these things so they feel like they've done their part, they've done all they can do, and now it's up to me to get better. So then if I don't, they don't have to feel guilty, because they tried to help.

I don't need any more cliches and Bible verses. What I need is someone to be there, someone to hold me and let me cry and make me feel safe again. Someone to love me until I can learn to love myself again. Wait a sec - that sounds like something from a poem I wrote last fall - let me find it.

Ah, here it is:

exposed.

here i stand,
stripped of my pretenses,
an open book.
no more masks,
no more walls to protect me,
here i stand before you --
vulnerable.
no more pretending
denying, avoiding...
past hurts are once again fresh,
and i am scared.
i can't do this on my own,
please hold me.
reassure me,
encourage me.
give me strength to do this.
i am walking on the wire,
please,
give me your hand...
don't let me fall!
here i stand before you,
no walls,
no masks,
just me.
will you teach me to love myself?
tell me i am beautiful,
precious?
remind me how much i have to share?
will you tell me until i believe it?
it's going to take some time.
but here i stand before you,
my deepest secrets laid bare...
standing at the edge of the cliff --
i am ready to begin.

When I shared this with people at church, they all assumed that the one I was standing before was God. That's a great interpretation, and I like it, but it was not my intention when I wrote the poem. I wasn't standing before God, I was standing before THEM.

(Hm, I think I wrote about this before too...oh yes, that explains it very well. Long, but I'm going to put it here anyway. If nothing else, having all this together is helping me sort out my thoughts on all this.)

Quote:
i just feel like it's never going to get better. lindsay said it takes some people years of therapy to heal from emotional abuse, because it's become so much a part of them...and she said that didn't mean it would take me years of therapy, but for some people it did. it will take me years of therapy, though. i know, i can see, how deep those lies go. it is going to take me years to get rid of those lies and replace them with truth.

and in the meantime, i'm going to continue to be a crappy friend. people are going to give up on me, because they're going to feel like no matter how many times they tell me truth, it never sinks in. i'm honestly surprised that more of them haven't given up on me yet. especially lori. she's stuck with me since things first got bad back in seventh grade. and i can't help wondering when she's finally going to decide she's had enough of this "friendship."

honestly, i'm scared to let anyone in, because i'm afraid they'll just leave me in the end. i'm afraid they'll get sick of my problems, sick of them never getting better, sick of having to tell me over and over that i'm their friend, just plain sick of dealing with someone so...needy.

i don't really trust anyone to not leave me. i don't trust anyone to stick with me through it all. i don't trust anyone to not give up on me.

i know the only one i can really trust is myself, because i can't leave myself. if i keep to myself, i don't get hurt and i can't hurt others.

seems like a win-win situation, except for one thing:

i can never heal from this on my own.

i need other people.

i need people to help me replace the lies with truth, because i can't do it on my own. on my own, all i can do is continue to believe the lies.

i need people to "write love on [my] arms."

like in my poem, "exposed." - "will you teach me to love myself?/tell me i am beautiful,/precious?/remind me how much i have to share?/will you tell me until i believe it?/it's going to take some time."

i know people at church like to think that the "you" in the poem is God. and i like that interpretation too, but when i wrote the poem, that's not what i had in mind. when i wrote the poem, it wasn't directed at God, it was directed at my friends. they're the ones that i'm scared will leave, abandon me, get sick of dealing with me. give up on me. it's about opening up to people and trusting them with my deepest secrets, being vulnerable and admitting i need help...and being scared that they're going to leave. being scared that once they see me...see me for who i am, problems and all, they'll decide that my problems are too much. it's about needing those friends to walk with me through this and not give up on me. needing encouragement and reassurance, needing them to just be there and love me, needing to depend on them and borrow strength to get me through. just like at honey rock - on possum's crossing and the ropes course - when i couldn't do it on my own and needed to depend on others' physical strength, to get through this sometimes i will need to depend on others' emotional strength. hm. that's...hard. i have a hard enough time trusting others' physical strength. remember when we were doing trust falls at the cma youth group? they caught brad, and i still didn't trust them to catch me. well - i guess i did in the end, since i did fall, but it took me a little while, and i was still afraid they were going to drop me. even though i knew it was irrational, because i did trust them to not drop me on purpose, and i mean...they caught brad! i definitely have some trust issues...it's interesting the parallels i can find between how i react to more tangible, physical situations, and how i react to emotional situations (like how i always write about how when i'm physically hurt, the first thing i usually do is laugh and get right back up to show everyone i'm okay...and i do the same thing emotionally). anyway, back to the poem - it's about how i need others to love me, to teach me to love myself; how i need them to keep reminding me that i am beautiful and precious and valuable and all that. how i need them to keep telling me until i believe it. because it is going to take time. and people probably will get frustrated, because they'll feel like they're getting nowhere, because they have to tell me over and over and over and it'll seem like it never sinks in. but it will...it's just going to take a long time and a lot of affirmation to counteract the years of invalidation and abuse. someday i'll believe it. i want to believe it so badly, it's just hard.

so yeah. i kind of lost my train of thought. but i needed to write that out. the poem being directed at God is a good interpretation, and is probably better, because i'm probably expecting too much out of people...(trust issues again...*rolls eyes*)...but i just wanted to write about my true intent for the poem. it's not directed at God, it's directed at my friends. hmph. so there. (haha)
So, yeah...I'm just...frustrated with people at church and my other Christian friends right now. Guess that's all I have to say. Thanks for letting me vent.

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Old 01-05-2008, 04:15 AM   #648
healingraine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mystery View Post
i dont know what to do at the moment im so scared...sorry for posting and not replying to others much...i just sent a email to a friend at church about how im feeling ...im so scared...im shaking...and...i didnt mean to press the send button, wasnt ready...im am so scared....please help...shell probly think im stupid and hate me or something....
If she's really your friend she won't think you're stupid or hate you because of this. She might freak out, in my experience even the most well meaning people sometimes don't know how to react to SI... It just doesn't make sense to a healthy mind.
Let us know what happens, in the mean while, I'll be praying for you

pm if you need to

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShyGirlEiana View Post
Can I vent a bit? I know I have a tendency to go on and on, so this will probably end up long and somewhat repetitive - you don't have to read if you don't want :)

I am a Christian, but sometimes I just get so frustrated with how people in the church handle problems like SI, mental illness, etc. I need a friend who's going to stand by me and help me fight, not one that's going to just throw Christian cliches and Bible verses at me. I'm tired of hearing that I just have to believe what God says about me, that I have to find my identity in Him, that I have to turn to and depend on Him, that only He can truly heal me, etc. It may all be true, but sometimes it feels like people just say these things so they feel like they've done their part, they've done all they can do, and now it's up to me to get better. So then if I don't, they don't have to feel guilty, because they tried to help.

I don't need any more cliches and Bible verses. What I need is someone to be there, someone to hold me and let me cry and make me feel safe again. Someone to love me until I can learn to love myself again. Wait a sec - that sounds like something from a poem I wrote last fall - let me find it.

Ah, here it is:

exposed.

here i stand,
stripped of my pretenses,
an open book.
no more masks,
no more walls to protect me,
here i stand before you --
vulnerable.
no more pretending
denying, avoiding...
past hurts are once again fresh,
and i am scared.
i can't do this on my own,
please hold me.
reassure me,
encourage me.
give me strength to do this.
i am walking on the wire,
please,
give me your hand...
don't let me fall!
here i stand before you,
no walls,
no masks,
just me.
will you teach me to love myself?
tell me i am beautiful,
precious?
remind me how much i have to share?
will you tell me until i believe it?
it's going to take some time.
but here i stand before you,
my deepest secrets laid bare...
standing at the edge of the cliff --
i am ready to begin.

When I shared this with people at church, they all assumed that the one I was standing before was God. That's a great interpretation, and I like it, but it was not my intention when I wrote the poem. I wasn't standing before God, I was standing before THEM.

(Hm, I think I wrote about this before too...oh yes, that explains it very well. Long, but I'm going to put it here anyway. If nothing else, having all this together is helping me sort out my thoughts on all this.)



So, yeah...I'm just...frustrated with people at church and my other Christian friends right now. Guess that's all I have to say. Thanks for letting me vent.
So... Of course all of those things about the biblical promises, and having your identity in Christ are true, and you need to know them... but too often we as Christians forget to care about the people we are counselling. We get stuck in a "take 2 verses and call me in the morning" type of counselling because it's easier for us to point someone towards the bible than to really care for them therefore becoming emotionally involved and risking getting hurt...

So here goes: I do not know you at all, but I care about you. I sympathize with you because I have felt the way you do now. I am here for you in whatever way I can be, and I am praying for your healing.



SI free solely by the grace of God!
August 2, 2007


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Old 02-05-2008, 01:39 AM   #649
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Happy National Day of Prayer everyone...
well, everyone who has a National Day of Prayer. You can celebrate with, if you want.



I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.



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Old 02-05-2008, 03:19 AM   #650
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I'm going to World Youth Day 2008 in two months time and I'm petrified that owing to us being in a small group with emotions running high I'm going to sh...but that's not why I was posting here...No one really knows about my sh, well my family think i used to do it years ago...but no one knows how recent it's been (it's been a wee while but I'm not sure when i last sh-ed) anyway, I digress...you see this year's World Youth Day is to be held in Australia and, well, being Scottish I'm used to the cold and get away with long-sleeved tops even on warm days, and at my old work when the uniform was short sleeves, no one bothers too much as it is so often baltic...(exaggeration??Moi?)...my point is that I'm really panicking about what might happen if anyone sees my arm (thankfully, it's just one..but still...) or what I'll say if anyone asks why I'm wearing long-sleeved tops when the climate is likely to be a wee bit warmer than what we're used to...and yes, I know it will be their winter when I go...but still...their winter vs our summer??!!HA!!

I'm driving myself crazy.I am so close to crying again...can someone please help to calm me down or make me shut the heck up??



"I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight"

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Old 02-05-2008, 07:48 PM   #651
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long sleeves made of a light material?

say you don't own t-shirt because of the scottish summer snow

or just say your body can't cope with the heat from the sun and cover up totally (what I do on very occassional hot days in bonnie scotland)

sorry if not much help, very very tired

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Old 03-05-2008, 11:22 AM   #652
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um...the friend i sent the email to was really nice, we talked...but i had to tell mum about feeling suicidal and stuff...that was so scary...im kind of stuck as i dont know where to go from here, she said i should go to counselling but im scared....yeah just wanted to tell you all how it went.
thankyou

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Old 03-05-2008, 05:37 PM   #653
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angelmillenium666 - i should think people are unlikely to notice. you could say you burn easily, don't like your arms, get cold quicly. i don't know what an australian winter is like but if it's warm, shops are starting to get in kaftans and so on for the summer, which migyht be lighter than your normal long-sleeved tops. good luck for WYD, i'm sure it'll be a brilliant experience, though emotional.



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Old 04-05-2008, 03:42 AM   #654
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I dont know what i want from typing this, maybe i am just venting i am not sure.
On my main msn (not the one i keep for ryl pplz, my other one); i have a christian screen name along the lines of "How Great Is Our God" which is a line from a song that has been sung at church that i enjoy.
Last night when i came online to talk to my tutor whos christian as ive said before here, a girl said hi to me. She kept asking me if i was a christian and then she added some friends into the conversation and i am telling you now, that this was just some random. She started swearing and saying that "swearing a sin" i know it is but all i said was one small swearword and then she said "if ur in love with god so much, y dont u f him?" then she added her friends and they kept swearing and stuff and asked me obsurd (sp?) questions. eg "have i ever had sex" "that im fd in the head if i believe in sex before marriage". They told me that i should go die if i want to be with god so much. Like wtf? It made me angry and depressed; cos even tho i am struggling so much at the moment, i do truly love god!

Can i have maybe a prayer request? Please pray for the difficulties in my life and for all of the stuff that gets thrown at me mentally cos i am a christian?

I feel just lost at the moment. My tutor whos christian, he says that i can talk to him about anything big or small, self harm wise or non self harm, but if i message his phone and ask if he could come online to talk and when he does, i just feel locked up and that i cannot express to him how i am feeling, whats going on in my head etc etc.. I just feel scared all of a sudden.....

I spoke to my KHL counsellor last night, that was hard. I didnt cry but i felt like it. Ive been avoiding my counsellors. So it meant something that i was able to talk to him last night on the phone for 45 minutes.

I am sorry that this is just so long.

love to all

silentgirl

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Old 04-05-2008, 03:08 PM   #655
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*hugs for silentgirl* I'm really sorry you had to endure what those idiots were saying. Some people are just so misled... I think if that happens again, perhaps you should just close the message box and block them, because you dont need to be brought down right now.

I'm sure you do love God, and that's the most important thing in the world. Unfortunatly, not everybody understands what it's like to know God and to love him and have his love. It's sad... you might have felt like a victim last night, but you were really strong. And after all, they are the ones losing out, because they dont know God.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so lost at the moment honey. You'll be in my prayers ^_^ PM me if you like


Last edited by Strict Machine : 04-05-2008 at 06:39 PM.
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Old 04-05-2008, 04:18 PM   #656
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it's horrible how needlessly mean people can be, i'm sorry they picked on you silentgirl. it's no reflection at all on how much you love God, after all these people don't even know you. as Strict Machine said, block them if you can.
it's really great that you managed to talk to someone while you're feeling bad, i hope you can amybe do that more often, because you don't have to be alone. i'll be praying for you



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Old 05-05-2008, 03:47 AM   #657
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Honestly, I don't know if this would belong here, and if it doesn't, then please, please point me in the correct direction. I am a relatively new Christian, my coming-into-cutting having shaken any past beliefs away and keeping them at bay until this past November. Anyway, since I started going to the Baptist Church I now attend, I've come into contact with some amazing girls that go to my school, this contact created by our all-girl accountability group. There we talk about self-injury, struggles with faith, stress, and other things, but it also opened my eyes to the struggles of others. Since then, I have spoken to my youth minister, whose wife leads our accountability group, and I suggested a help group held at the church for self-injurers from all surrounding areas. =] I am proud of myself for having thought of a way to benefit others as well as myself. Might I request some prayers for the hasty beginning and steady running of this group? Please and thank you, loves.

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Old 05-05-2008, 11:08 AM   #658
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Hi MissRed, congratulations on becoming a Christian and also on your month free of SH. Your idea sounds great - I really hope it works out. I'll be praying that it does ^_^



Strict_Machine: argh! *rants*
Small_Light: *joins in*
Small_Light: *throws pillows at adult mental health services*
Small_Light: *changes it to pillows with bricks in*
Strict_Machine: *changes it to pillows with bombs in*
Strict_Machine: (*bombs of peace and love of course!*)


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Old 05-05-2008, 11:47 AM   #659
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good luck with your group MissRed, i think it's a really good idea. i'll be praying for the Holy Spirit to help you :)



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Old 06-05-2008, 12:24 AM   #660
healingraine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silentgirl View Post
I dont know what i want from typing this, maybe i am just venting i am not sure.
On my main msn (not the one i keep for ryl pplz, my other one); i have a christian screen name along the lines of "How Great Is Our God" which is a line from a song that has been sung at church that i enjoy.
Last night when i came online to talk to my tutor whos christian as ive said before here, a girl said hi to me. She kept asking me if i was a christian and then she added some friends into the conversation and i am telling you now, that this was just some random. She started swearing and saying that "swearing a sin" i know it is but all i said was one small swearword and then she said "if ur in love with god so much, y dont u f him?" then she added her friends and they kept swearing and stuff and asked me obsurd (sp?) questions. eg "have i ever had sex" "that im fd in the head if i believe in sex before marriage". They told me that i should go die if i want to be with god so much. Like wtf? It made me angry and depressed; cos even tho i am struggling so much at the moment, i do truly love god!

Can i have maybe a prayer request? Please pray for the difficulties in my life and for all of the stuff that gets thrown at me mentally cos i am a christian?

I feel just lost at the moment. My tutor whos christian, he says that i can talk to him about anything big or small, self harm wise or non self harm, but if i message his phone and ask if he could come online to talk and when he does, i just feel locked up and that i cannot express to him how i am feeling, whats going on in my head etc etc.. I just feel scared all of a sudden.....

I spoke to my KHL counsellor last night, that was hard. I didnt cry but i felt like it. Ive been avoiding my counsellors. So it meant something that i was able to talk to him last night on the phone for 45 minutes.

I am sorry that this is just so long.

love to all

silentgirl
I don't mean to simply throw a scripture at you, but i hope you take comfort from this. "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." --Matthew 5:11,12

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissRed View Post
Honestly, I don't know if this would belong here, and if it doesn't, then please, please point me in the correct direction. I am a relatively new Christian, my coming-into-cutting having shaken any past beliefs away and keeping them at bay until this past November. Anyway, since I started going to the Baptist Church I now attend, I've come into contact with some amazing girls that go to my school, this contact created by our all-girl accountability group. There we talk about self-injury, struggles with faith, stress, and other things, but it also opened my eyes to the struggles of others. Since then, I have spoken to my youth minister, whose wife leads our accountability group, and I suggested a help group held at the church for self-injurers from all surrounding areas. =] I am proud of myself for having thought of a way to benefit others as well as myself. Might I request some prayers for the hasty beginning and steady running of this group? Please and thank you, loves.
That's amazing. I'll be praying for you.



SI free solely by the grace of God!
August 2, 2007


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