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Old 05-02-2018, 10:25 PM   #81
milomushi
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I am approved to be in program until the end of the week. I don't see why the insurance would not approve more time with the given symptoms but I guess I'll know more in a few days.

About two months or so ago I had a tarot/medium reading (only my second one ever). It was very intense. She channeled someone in my life putting her hands on my cheeks and saying that "You matter" shortly after she asked if I was suicidal. She became very tearful and channeled someone that she knew who committed suicide and came to her for help after he died. She told me that if you kill yourself everything that you are struggling with remains but worse because you might not understand what is going on or even know that you are dead. I am very scared of this and it is the only thing keeping me from acting on my plans.

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Old 06-02-2018, 06:45 PM   #82
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Does anyone know exactly how you are feeling right now?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-02-2018, 02:39 AM   #83
milomushi
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I saw the therapist today and explained how scared this makes me and said that I didn't want to keep going in and out of the hospital. She said "so don't" and that was pretty much the end of it. I feel very much on the edge and don't know that I want another week in the hospital. I feel like I should just make the choice now. I cannot keep going on this way. I am supposed to talk to her again tomorrow. There is going to be a big snow storm tomorrow but I have to go to program. They will be open but closing early. I still feel awful.

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Old 07-02-2018, 03:54 PM   #84
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Please try again to explain things to your therapist, even if you can be blunt and say that how she reacted to what you said the last time wasn't helpful. Recovering with your health is a process and there is bound to be lots of hard times to get through but you have got through everything so far. I think you can keep going. If the program isn't helping then maybe there is something else that can be suggested. Do you know of anything you'd like to try or be doing more of that might make things a bit better for you, any part of the program that you'd like more intense focus on?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-02-2018, 10:24 PM   #85
milomushi
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She wasn't able to talk to her today. I will try again tomorrow. I did see the prescriber for a second and asked if the medication that she increased could be making me more agitated. She said that she would see me Friday. I don't want to go inpatient and stretch this out but I really cannot guarantee safety at this point. I guess that I am not totally against going back in if I knew that they could do something medication wise that would improve my symptoms. I think that this is it as far as going back to work but if I tell them I'm resigning now I will lose my insurance and therapist. I'm safe for the evening because the weather is really bad and I will not do anything here.

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Old 09-02-2018, 04:30 PM   #86
one_step_closer
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How have the past couple of days been for you? Has a plan been made for where you go next with your treatment?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 27-02-2018, 02:08 AM   #87
milomushi
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I was inpatient again. I am now trying to get back to work. I don't have a choice because my medical leave has been used up. If I lose my job I will also lose my income, health insurance, car, and therapist. This is not an exaggeration. Feeling pretty stuck.

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Old 02-03-2018, 02:55 PM   #88
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How are you getting on?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 02-03-2018, 03:09 PM   #89
milomushi
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I'm actually doing pretty well. I think that the new medication is helping. I am nervous because I was supposed to start back to work today but was not able to because of a bad snow storm. Now I will not be able to try again until next Wednesday.

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Old 02-03-2018, 06:25 PM   #90
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I'm glad to hear you're doing better. I hope things keep improving for you. Do you think going back to work is going to be playing on your mind over the next few days? What makes you worry about it?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 08-03-2018, 10:36 PM   #91
milomushi
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I have been worrying about work a lot but again could not go in because of a snow storm. I finally start back tomorrow and for my first day I set up a very long and busy day because I felt bad about cancelling Wednesday. It should go by fast though. I think that it is finally going to happen and I can return to my normal life after four months of being sick. It scares me how bad it got.

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Old 09-03-2018, 07:03 PM   #92
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How did you get on today? I'm glad that you are managing to try and get things back on track for yourself. It is scary how bad things can get at times but you have managed to get through this and I hope things won't reach such a difficult point again or if they do that you know what would be helpful based on previous experience.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 10-03-2018, 02:33 PM   #93
milomushi
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Work was good. I was very anxious at first in the first three sessions. I took a PRN and things calmed down. I was so busy and didn't have a moment to breathe all day so I did OK. I do feel confident that I can do this. This upcoming week I will work two days and finish up the outpatient program. After that I will be full time again.

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Old 10-03-2018, 06:37 PM   #94
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Well done with managing work, that's such a great step forward especially since you continued despite feeling anxious at first. Are you finding the outpatient program useful?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 17-03-2018, 03:51 PM   #95
milomushi
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I have finished the outpatient program and will be full time at work now. Anxiety is still there and I think that the anxiety med needs to change. I meet with a new psychiatrist this week. I feel like I will adjust to working again. I'm still really scared that it won't work and everything will fall apart again but I have to try.

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Old 17-03-2018, 07:01 PM   #96
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You're bound to be anxious, do you think changing meds will change things or that they could maybe change with time as you hopefully start to feel stronger? It's scary worrying about what might happen but if you weren't trying you'd feel stuck and things would fall apart in a different way. While you are trying there is always a potential for forward movement. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and ask for any support that you need.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 02-04-2018, 11:31 PM   #97
milomushi
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Depression feels like it is creeping back in. Scared to fail at this job. I don't want to be sick again.

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Old 03-04-2018, 06:56 PM   #98
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I'm sorry you're feeling low, can you think of anything that might help to stop the depression from getting worse? It's good that you recognise when things are getting more difficult at this level because hopefully there are preventative strategies you can use. How did it go with meeting the new psychiatrist?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-04-2018, 02:40 PM   #99
milomushi
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I don't quite have a feel for the psychiatrist yet. He seems to not want to talk about medication. I started a new therapy called internal family systems so that is interesting.

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Old 08-04-2018, 08:21 PM   #100
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How often will you be seeing the psychiatrist and how often are you attending therapy? I hope you find the therapy useful and that you can build a good relationship with the psychiatrist.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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