*cuddles* im worried bout her too if im thinking of the same daisy =\
but try to keep safe <3
xox
urgh. breakfast at church after the service AND a huge lunch =\ mehh
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
I'm afraid she's gone. She can't be gone. But she was so close to giving up this afternoon.
And I know what's she's going through. I know what she means by "the darkness". I know what she means when she says it hurts.
If she's gone...well, I don't know. I almost feel like it's my fault. I've let so many people down. It will just be another person I've let die.
Just like my grandmothers. Couldn't figure out how to keep them here, despite all my intelligence. Smartest one in the family. Right. Sure.
Now Daisy.
What if I made her worse?
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
*hugs* its NOT your fault if anything were to happen babe. and you didnt make her worse *hugs more*
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
I'll go ahead and say that I honestly don't know what to tell you about the transgendered part. I know that there are parts in the Bible that speak out against male homosexuality, but the thing is, I've never had anything against it, or felt in my gut like it was morally wrong. I'm sure that I would have more conflict if I myself were gay or transgendered...anyways, I always tend to stay on the sidelines of that fight.
All I can say is that God's love is unconditional...He'll love you no matter you have done or will ever do. As to the damning and hating part, I understand. After my grandmother died from a stroke after having a brain tumor, I really had it out with God...Job-smackdown style. My grandmother was the most godly woman I have ever known...and she died that horrible death. And so I shoved Him away, told him to leave me alone, spent years not speaking to Him...etc. There are a lot of things I said to Him that I don't want to repeat.
Anyways, He forgave me, never gave up on me...I'm not quite sure why, but He never took offense, and when I wouldn't listen to him and my SI got worse, He sent me my bestfriend, who I would grow to trust and listen to.
You're not the first person to disown God, and you won't be the last one that takes Him back. I should only warn you that the relationship will be stronger, but it will never be the same. I'll always be guilty over what I did, and it took me ages to work up the ability to talk to God steadily. I still have trust issues.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
Hey i was wondering whether anyone could help me here?
i was raised in a church - and i believe that faith is SO important and it really does play a huge part of my life...
but being in an Evangelical Free Church, you don't get baptized until you're at least 16...
anyway, i'm 17 and my self harm and depression started to make me doubt faith a bit....
it was still there - but i actually felt guilty for still believing in God when i am just damaging my body...
and i KNEW if i got baptized I would be lying to myself and to God as i don't believe i am worthy of his salvation...
but my dad put me in for baptism... in 2 weeks time...
and i have 2 burning problems with this:
1. i KNOW getting baptized would bring me closer to God. and i KNOW that I truely believe and accept him - i just do not think that He would accept me. and therefore, i don't actually know whether i'm ready - the doubts alone are telling me that i'm not - but i don't seem to have a choice....
2. i'm not sure about other churches, but in mine they fully immerse you whilst wearing short sleeved white robes - i fear that my cuts are going to be fully exposed etc etc...
i really have no idea what to do - i can't hide this fact from God... so i don't know....
please PM me!!!
xxxxxx
As a little kid you believed in fairytales,
that fantasy of what your life would be: white dress; prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.
You closed your eyes and had complete and utter faith.
Eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.
But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairytale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith,
that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
street spirit - God always wants you back, no matter what you've said in the past. he is there waiting for us when we are still far off, like in the parable of the prodigal son.
my opinion about the transgender issue would be that you have your body for a reason, and it'd be a mistake to do anything so drastic as changing to a male body. but that is honestly only my opinion, and i don't think anyone would have the right to judge you because we all do things that maybe aren't ideal, and life isn't ideal. and i don't think God would judge you for it either.
if you think you want a relationship with God, say a simple prayer, telling Him how you feel. tell him your doubts and worries, that you don't understand why He has allowed the things that have happened to happen, and that you miss Him.if you can't find the words, don't worry, He knows the prayers that are in our hearts.
xxx
xxx
I-Feel-Infinite - I think I can understand how you feel about baptism. I was baptised as a baby, but I've felt 'unworthy' also, I think most of us have. There's nothing I can say that will change that, but please try to remember that none of us are 'worthy' of salvation. We're all sinners, every single one of us, and the fact that you self-harm does NOT make you any worse than anyone else. The absolutely amazing, wonderful thing is that God loves us all anyway, unconditionally and He won't ever stop. So no matter how bad you feel about whatever you've done, and no matter how much you think you don't deserve God's love and salvation, He's still going to be there to welcome you with open arms. If baptism is going to bring you closer to God, then I would say it's definitely a good thing. How you feel is absolutely important, but I'm learning that I can't just base my relationship with God on how I feel at any given time. If there are times when I feel guilty and unworthy, or angry, or it just seems to hard to pray and live a faithful life, it's all too easy to just distance myself from Him, but that's the worst thing I could possibly do. I should try my very hardest to be a good Christian, and I should lean on Him always, no matter what I actually feel like. Maybe something to consider? However, I would also say that if you don't feel ready for this, then there is absolutely nothing forcing you to do it. If you need more time, then that's fine - no-one is going to judge you for it, it's between you and God. You DO have a choice. Talk to you dad, even if it's just to tell him you're having doubts about whether you're ready or not. As for the short sleeves, I don't really know what to suggest. Do you have scars on both your arms? If not, you could always just wear a bandage / tubi-grip or something. How would you feel about your scars being visible? I really hope you work something out and come to the decision that's best for you.
I-Feel-Infinite - we don't have to be all the way there for baptism. being a christian isn't about being perfect. it is ok to have doubts, it doesn't mean you're not ready. i know how you feel about not being worthy of salvation. every sunday at mass my thoughts tell me i'm not worthy to take communion, i'm a sinner, how can i possibly approach our Lord. i receive it anyway. i think if we don't, we risk turning away from Him. Christ came because we could never be worthy by our own actions but He loves us anyway. the grace of baptism is a grace God keeps giving. maybe you can't accept it now, but it's there. it is ok to mess up, even in big ways, after baptism, because God is mercy and forgiveness, and wants us for who we truly are, right now. He doesn't want to wait until we're perfect, we never will be without Him.
God never rejects anything we have to offer. if all we have is fear, tiredness, doubts and a reliance on self-harm, He will take them. to turn away from His gift is to recall Christ's agony on the cross, rather than diminish it. He won't force you to go to Him, He has given us free will and he will wait however long it takes for you to be ready.
idk about the short-sleeves. for baptism we just have something white on, it's not total immersion, and for confirmation you just where whatever you like. perhaps you could talk to your pastor about it, and your other worries about baptism too?
Hey everybody. Back from my exciting weekend of fun and exciement.
Friday went to a concert. Saw blessthefall. Watch the video for Guys Like You Make Us Look Bad. It has a really good symbolic message. They are christan music, but screamo, btw.
Me being christian, it feels kinda funky that the only christian music that I seem to like is metal type bands.[ The 3 Christian bands I listen to are As I Lay Dying (don't sound christian, but are trust me) Underoath, and blessthefall) There something wrong with that picture, or is it just me?
I've almost been a month since my last SI, and I'm starting to have trouble. I don't want to have new cuts for shorts season. It just seems to be getting harder without my mother around. I talk about my mother without realizing it, then when I realize I'm talking about her, I get hysterical, and start wailing, and get triggered. eh. Sorry to be putting a damper on the day.
I'm afraid she's gone. She can't be gone. But she was so close to giving up this afternoon.
And I know what's she's going through. I know what she means by "the darkness". I know what she means when she says it hurts.
If she's gone...well, I don't know. I almost feel like it's my fault. I've let so many people down. It will just be another person I've let die.
Just like my grandmothers. Couldn't figure out how to keep them here, despite all my intelligence. Smartest one in the family. Right. Sure.
Now Daisy.
What if I made her worse?
You did not "let" anyone die--your grandmothers, Daisy (figuratively speaking), or anyone else. Obviously I don't know the situation with your grandmothers but intelligence cannot overpower death. If God wanted them back with Him, then no matter how hard you fought against it He was going to have them, because in some way, in some greater plan, it was what He thought was right. And you have been SO supportive of Daisy--talking to her online, starting an entire thread devoted to her...we have all been so worried but you had more power to reach out to her than quite a few of us AND YOU USED IT. I'm sure you did whatever you could and you helped her hold on for a bit longer. You are only one person babe....you cannot singlehandedly change the world or save a life, as much as you'd like to. I have been keeping Daisy in my prayers and at this point that is probably one of the best things we can do for her.
*hugs you tightly*
Thought maybe you guys would like this. I got it in an email today...
THE
BRICK
A
young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood
street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for
kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down
when
he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children
appeared .
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the
brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been
thrown. The angry driver
then
jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up
against
a
parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just
what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you
threw
is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?' The young boy
was
apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know
what
else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would
stop...'
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed
to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said. 'He
rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift
him up.'
Now
sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help
me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for
me.'
Moved
beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump
in
his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the
wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the
fresh
scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be
okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the
stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy!
push
his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It
was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side
door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go
through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get
your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick
at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
Thought
for the Day:
If
God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If
He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He
sends you flowers every spring.
He
sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about
you!
Send
this to every 'beautiful person' you wish to bless.
God
didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without
rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears,
and light for the way.
Read
this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If
God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
~*~ Courage does not always Roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow~*~
faith_may is my big sister on RYL<3
*Fallen*Stars* is my aunt on RYL <3
Silent is my big sister on RYL <3
Shattered is my little sister on RYL <3
i know what you mean about losing your faith in god and wanting it back. I've been a christian for so long but over the past year i have completely lost my faith. I'm so miserable and i know that it's because i'm not leaning on God. But on the other hand i just don't know what i believe anymore? I don't know what the truth is...i don't even think i know what believing in something feels like anymore. Also, we've been studying about the origins of the Bible and stuff in my Church History class and it just makes me wonder if the Bible can even be trusted...how do we know that some guy didn't put the wrong stuff in and left out some important stuff? Until i figure all this out, i can't just stand in church and sing all these worship songs that i just simply don't even know if i believe...i feel so bad because i know that everybody else is standing there genuinely believing what they're singing and i feel like such a hypocrite!
What makes you guys absolutely sure that God exists and that Jesus is our savior? I need some hardcore evidence at this point because i'm sick of being this miserable.
ps...sorry about all my ranting...its just that this is really the only place that i can talk to christians and get advice about stuff
^@ the email- got that yesterday too lol.
happy easter guys <3.
i know how you feel about singing... like i'll sing that 'i give it all to you' and 'you can do all things'... but i dont know how to believe it ><
eh i dunno.. im making no sense atm. lol
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Yeah, it's ConcreteAngel, if that helps out. I've been IMing with her a lot lately. Her urge to disappear is getting the best of her.
Hasn't she posted in here? Either way, she's in my prayers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shakespearesstrumpet
I'm afraid she's gone. She can't be gone. But she was so close to giving up this afternoon.
And I know what's she's going through. I know what she means by "the darkness". I know what she means when she says it hurts.
If she's gone...well, I don't know. I almost feel like it's my fault. I've let so many people down. It will just be another person I've let die.
Just like my grandmothers. Couldn't figure out how to keep them here, despite all my intelligence. Smartest one in the family. Right. Sure.
Now Daisy.
What if I made her worse?
It's not your fault, no matter what has happened. Obviously I don't know what's happened with your grandmothers, but intelligence has no power over death, only Christ can overcome death.
Quote:
Originally Posted by streetspirit
I apologise for this post, but I needed to talk about it as it's something that has been playing on my mind quite a bit recently.
My parents raised me as a Christian. It was only a couple of years ago that I had a think about it, and I had realised that from praying every night before I went to bed, I had stopped praying all together. There was no particular event that sparked it off, as I often hear from those who have lost their faith, but it simply became apparent one day that I no longer believed in God.
It might have been that I couldn't quite fathom why God would stand by and let so many people use me for their own advantage, or I was unable to believe in someone who knew of the struggle I went through and never did anything to lift it.
I want my faith back, I know that. I miss God, speaking to Him. I miss feeling like there is someone who loves me unconditionally despite all my mistakes. But, I am frightened that after everything, after damning Him and feeling like I hated Him, and then going to not believing in Him at all, I wonder if maybe I've let Him down, maybe He will be unable to forgive me.
There's also a feeling of because I am transgendered (a boy stuck in a female body) that He disagrees with my decision to change my body, that I should accept the body I was born in and to not do so is a crime against His work. It's just what I've been thinking about lately, everything is a bit messed up and I can't feel I can talk to my parents about it.
About the transgender issue, i've never done an indepth study over it...
I think that it is insulting to God to suggest that He made a mistake when choosing your gender... but I understand it that because of the fall of man, each of us is born with sin, and sin causes unnatural feelings within us.
You can always come back to God. He knew about every sin you'll ever commit before he chose to die on the cross, so His blood covers all of it. You only have to repent. His mercy is bigger than your biggest sin.
It is awkward to get back into a relationship with Him, just like any other relationship. If you had grown apart from an earthly friend, and not talked for years, and done things against him/her, it would be really awkward to suddenly start talking again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I-Feel-Infinite
Hey i was wondering whether anyone could help me here?
i was raised in a church - and i believe that faith is SO important and it really does play a huge part of my life...
but being in an Evangelical Free Church, you don't get baptized until you're at least 16...
anyway, i'm 17 and my self harm and depression started to make me doubt faith a bit....
it was still there - but i actually felt guilty for still believing in God when i am just damaging my body...
and i KNEW if i got baptized I would be lying to myself and to God as i don't believe i am worthy of his salvation...
but my dad put me in for baptism... in 2 weeks time...
and i have 2 burning problems with this:
1. i KNOW getting baptized would bring me closer to God. and i KNOW that I truely believe and accept him - i just do not think that He would accept me. and therefore, i don't actually know whether i'm ready - the doubts alone are telling me that i'm not - but i don't seem to have a choice....
2. i'm not sure about other churches, but in mine they fully immerse you whilst wearing short sleeved white robes - i fear that my cuts are going to be fully exposed etc etc...
i really have no idea what to do - i can't hide this fact from God... so i don't know....
please PM me!!!
xxxxxx
I'll send this in a PM as well.
I can sort of relate.
I was baptised as a small child, but during periods of deep depression and heavy self harm, I've felt guilty about taking communion.
It helps me to remember that He knew about my self injury before He ever chose to die for me, and He's always waiting for me to repent and come back into His arms. I really like this verse: "but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Your baptism will most definitely bring you closer to God if your heart is in the right place. Don't worry about him accepting you. He is always waiting with open arms to meet you where you are in life.
And about the robe... That's tough... I don't think it would be proper for you to wear some sort of wristband... Since it is 2 weeks away, if at all possible you could abstain from cutting, so that only scars [not as easily visible] would be revealed. But I know that's not always an option... Talk to your preacher or youth leader about it if you feel comfortable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSuffererComplex
Hey everybody. Back from my exciting weekend of fun and exciement.
Friday went to a concert. Saw blessthefall. Watch the video for Guys Like You Make Us Look Bad. It has a really good symbolic message. They are christan music, but screamo, btw.
Me being christian, it feels kinda funky that the only christian music that I seem to like is metal type bands.[ The 3 Christian bands I listen to are As I Lay Dying (don't sound christian, but are trust me) Underoath, and blessthefall) There something wrong with that picture, or is it just me?
I've almost been a month since my last SI, and I'm starting to have trouble. I don't want to have new cuts for shorts season. It just seems to be getting harder without my mother around. I talk about my mother without realizing it, then when I realize I'm talking about her, I get hysterical, and start wailing, and get triggered. eh. Sorry to be putting a damper on the day.
Happy Easter everyone!
I understand you only listening to screamo... You are in a place right now where you couldn't possibly be emotinally healthy.
&& It's normal to still be that upset about your mom, it's [to me] an unimaginable loss. It will take time to be okay with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweet_pain
Thought maybe you guys would like this. I got it in an email today...
THE
BRICK
A
young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood
street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for
kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down
when
he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children
appeared .
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the
brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been
thrown. The angry driver
then
jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up
against
a
parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just
what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you
threw
is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?' The young boy
was
apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know
what
else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would
stop...'
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed
to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said. 'He
rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift
him up.'
Now
sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help
me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for
me.'
Moved
beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump
in
his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the
wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the
fresh
scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be
okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the
stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy!
push
his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It
was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side
door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go
through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get
your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick
at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
Thought
for the Day:
If
God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If
He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He
sends you flowers every spring.
He
sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about
you!
Send
this to every 'beautiful person' you wish to bless.
God
didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without
rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears,
and light for the way.
Read
this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If
God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Wow... that makes me think about something a woman at church said to me... "God let me be knocked on my knees, but that was exactly where I needed to be praying."
I also have the issue with singing in church, partly because i feel like im being a hypocrite and partly because i have bad social anxiety anyway. it has come to the point where i just don't and stand in silence through the songs which probably isn't the best thing to do but i can't bring myself to do anything else.
its the same with communion. i can't accept that God has forgiven me and i don't want to take it until i can accept God fully into my life. Again i haven't taken it in months and have avoided it at all the opputunities. I know that is wrong but i just can't take it, i can't bring myself to.
Hmm...I have the same problem AngelInSilence...I haven't had communion in a year, just don't feel right taking it.
With the singing I don't like singing either...because as you said, I just can't bring myself to do it...
This week I hope to rebuild my relationship back with God...I believe in every word of the songs I sing to praise him, but I dunno. I just hope I manage to get the relationship back that I had with Him a year or two back. I miss Him...Maybe I will get it back...
'Coincidence...it's what the Universe does for...fun.'
The Doctor
It's hard to explain what I mean when I say that it's my fault. I've always had the feelings that it was my fault, no matter what anyone else might say to deter that. And then the fact that while I was not speaking to God over the death of my first grandmother, then my second grandmother died...I always felt like God made her die to get me to talk to Him again, or something...
Oh, to bring up something that has been bothering me in just general debate--I don't think I can ever be married. The reason for this being not that I wouldn't like to be in a happy marital situation, but that I have been told all my life that the male is the dominant in a relationship, and I will not be dominated. I've watched my mother be dominated all my life, have been a dominant relationship that was abusive, and I refuse to do it again. I mean, just because a person is male does not make him my better. True, Jesus was male, but God does not have a sex. We attribute Him with a male sex only because during the majority of the time the Bible was written, men were in power and had higher education levels, so those that were taught the Bible would be male and would empathize more with a patriarch than a matriarch. Nobody at the time would have listened to the daughter of God.
The point I'm bringing up here is...can't we have an equal relationship, without my having to "submit myself to my husband"? I don't want him to be the final word, to have a power over me. I want only God to have power over me.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
=\ is it just me that feels horrid for not wanting to take communion because of the thought of if theres cals in it? blah. i feel like such a bad christian for it =\
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
