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Old 02-02-2020, 04:04 AM   #1
ricebowls
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
I feel more lost, stupid, unsuccessful, and overall a worse person now than ever.

I am 20 years old and I never felt like there is a worse time in my life than now. I have severe ADHD with some Aspergers, I currently live with my parents and have no job, my brain and body feel much weaker than it did since I was 18, I rarely leave the house and I just feel like an overall loser.



Let's begin with my ADHD and Aspergers. Ever since I was young my ADHD has affected my life so much to the point I feel mentally disabled at times. I do not know my IQ but I have a feeling it would be at least in the double digits and I also wouldn't be surprised if I was close if not disabled for a low IQ. I remember when I was in school I would have such a hard time focusing in class that I almost forget everything that the lecture had and sometimes when I was studying on a study guide I would not remember a large portion of what the unit was about. I feel like I just was never meant to learn anything nor do I have an ability to learn. I never correct my mistakes because I felt like I could truly learn from them. For example, when I was younger my parents forced me into a swim team despite the fact that my motor skills are horrible and I wasn't meant to be an athlete. They just wanted me to be active or to go outside of the house. I remember almost if not every time I did the breaststroke I would DQ because I would mess something up. I thought I wouldn't do it the next time but I always messed something up. I just think that some people can never learn and understand from there mistakes even if they actively try doing so. I am just too stupid to learn from anything and do not understand how to learn from failure. I don understand how can I learn from something. Lastly, I also cannot stop comparing myself to other people. Maybe I live on the internet all day but this goes back to I cannot stop doing my mistakes. I feel like I am self-aware of my problems I just can never feel like I can fix them.





I also have Aspergers as well. This does not affect me as much but it does still affect me a lot if not it is possibly getting worse. I feel like my social skills are getting worse since last year since I do not leave the house very often. I don't have many people I am friends with although this has gotten better over the past 2 years. Sometimes I get the feeling when I do communicate with other people and I have messed up on something socially people think I am an asshole because I might be doing something wrong. Lastly, I just feel like I could never get to have sex because I am too autistic. I just do not understand relationships at all. I almost feel like I am almost an incel because I personally think the reason why Women date men is because of how successful they are.



I live with my parents and I just don't know what I want to do. I only graduated high school and I dropped out of community college because of how much I was failing classes. I am too scared to get a job and also I am afraid to get one because it could impact my mental health even more. I don't know what job I could even do besides some shitty retail job because of my high school degree. I understand those jobs are short term but I feel like that I never really could find what I want to do in life. I am afraid I could never leave my parents and I have to feed off their money for the rest of my life. I am currently at a career college where it helps the slightly-mildly autistic to get a job. I have no idea what I want to do. I'm sure at this point they are convincing us that even dying in a Chinese sweatshop is a job and that's good. I thought about something from home that I can do since I have the internet but IDK what jobs I can do from home. I feel like in today's day and age the amount of ways someone can make money especially in America is a bit overwhelming to the point where I do not know where I should go. I always feel like working some sort of 9-5 job in a professional setting wouldn't work for me and I feel like 9-5s are an outdated concept too. It just feels like people around me only think of jobs/careers as a typical job that doesn't have much to it.





My body and brain feel overall weaker. This is a more recent problem that is getting worse for me. I feel like I do not have the same energy that I had about 2 years ago. When I was 18 or even 19 my body felt better and I could think more clearly. Now I am 20 (I turn 21 in march) and I have gained a lot more weight and my brain has felt weaker than it was in 2017 and 2018. When I first graduated high school I weigh around X pounds and I felt amazing. Ever since then I gained so much more weight. I think I could be eating less but I been trying to work out lately. I feel like my problem-solving skills and my focus have been impacted the most. My ADHD has gotten worse but I am trying to exercise and meditate to make sure it isn't as much as a problem. My problem-solving skills have gotten worse because of the fact I do not understand how I can work my way out of the rough time I been having. It also has gotten worse due to the fact I feel like there could be so many solutions and I do not understand what is the right one for feeling better. a lot of this could be because of my weight gain or the fact that I eat lots of junk food.



I rarely leave the house mostly because of my social anxiety. I just feel too comfortable at home to the point it is driving me insane. I really do nothing at home and I just need more structure outside of my house. I do not feel like I want to get a job outside of my house though because I feel like it would be something that would require more discipline and the fact I can sometimes be inconsistent with my sleep. I have been thinking about going out to a local card shop to play the Pokemon TCG at a local card shop, but I do not plan to play that until I have a decent income so I can afford cards and save money for later. Either way, I just do not know where I want to go.



I overall feel that I am an overall loser that doesn't know what I want to do in life. pls, help I just want to feel better again.



TLDR: I have felt like a loser ever since last year and I just want to feel and be more successful in life.


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 17-02-2020 at 02:22 PM. Reason: removed weight numbers.
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Old 11-02-2020, 09:27 PM   #2
Pi.R^2
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Hey there, it sounds as though you're really frustrated with your situation and that you do want to take positive steps towards feeling better, but aren't sure how.

It's great that you've opened up here but I think it would help you to find someone 'in real life' to give you more relevant and useful guidance- how is your relationship with your parents? Or perhaps your doctor would have some advice on relevant support that's available to you.



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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