Befriender

[Sleepless123]

Hi everyone.

Apologies but im not sure if this should go in Serious Discussion or here but i am worried about my befriender.

I have a befriender cos of my physical disability but by complete chance we both also have mental health problems.

i had kind of picked this up from his comments that he had suffered from Depression and he has said it many times before but today he said very clearly that he thinks its coming back cos he is finding it more difficult with things like his concentration and memory again [things he associates with his Depression] and that this is how he gets when its coming back and starting again.

This was worrying enough but then afterwards when i texted to thank him for taking me to the cafe [this is something i always do as he is a volunteer] he text me back saying directly he had been struggling today but also said some other things which worried me.

He said that people had tried to make trouble for him all his life and so now he tries not to be around people much and only the few people he can perhaps feel comfortable with.

When i asked if people were still causing trouble for him now as he seemed upset he said yes.

And then he used the word bullying a number of times referring to whatever is currently going on.

However he didnt want to say more than that and wouldnt explain who was doing this or why.

Obviously i respect that and will always continue to but i am worried by what he has said, dont know what to do and also worried maybe i asked him too many questions when he did say what he did cos he had to point out he didnt want to go further into it.

So now im worried ive upset him by responding to what he did say and maybe was pushy by asking for more detail [in order to try and help more] and now im worried ive made things worse and im also worried about him as a person.

I'M SO WORRIED IVE UPSET HIM. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

im an idiot.

i always mess things up.

[fakesmiler]

Kath im sure he knows ur concerns were for him, if he knows u atall he will coz thats what i think of u, your not an idiot u dont always mess things up, give him time, he may be worried and feel embarrest because hes having these problems he will open up to in time if he needs to. U are a caring easily approachable person, he will no your there for him if he needs xx

[Spirit of an Angel]

hi hun
i think you need to tell you befrienders boss if he has one because he is struggling which can bring you down too.

free spiritxx

[Sleepless123]

Thanks both of you for replying.

i have considered telling my befrienders boss.However he is only a volunter and i dont want to get him into any trouble either and im not sure its my place to say anything.

i have strongly considered it but i am mainly against doing so also cos im not sure if his problem is to do with someone from the place he befriends for....i dont know if this is the case or not but if it is i dont want to make things worse.i feel stuck.i dont know what to do.But he hasnt said anymore since anyway.

Rach thanks you make me feel so much better.i know what you say is right.He will talk to me if he wants/needs.i just panic so sorry and thanks for helping me calm down a bit! xx xx

[Popple]

I think if it comes up again you should speak to his boss because it's not getting him in trouble but they need to be assured that he is in the right place personally to be helping other people because otherwise it could have a negative effect on others which is the last thing they will want.
Take care
x

[Wonderland.]

Maybe you should wait a bit and get to know him a bit more at his pace and maybe once he knows he can trust you with his past then he will open up more.

Amy x