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Contains abuse - Did he take advantage of me? He might loose his job because of me..
I would really appreciate honest and helpful advice!
A while back I got really drunk at a party and this guy (who lived in the dorm we were currently in) kept telling people I could sleep in his bed that night and he would stay on the couch. I was pretty out of it so I never really agreed to this, but after I had been throwing up, this guy and a friend of mine led me to his room. They laid me down on the bed and my friend went back to the party. I remember laying there slurring about random stuff and about to sleep when he started cuddling me and undress me; "isn't it uncomfortable sleeping in clothes? Isn't your bra uncomfortable?". I think I might have said that I was cold, and that was the reason he laid down with me. We kissed and I remember him fingering me. Out of the blue, he started choking me pretty hard and I got a bit freaked out. Until that moment I had been in kind of a blur like I was half-dreaming or something, but I sobered then and realized the guy in bed with me was a stranger (and was not the guy I had been flirting with all night..).
I panicked and went to find my friend who was still at the party. I had an anxiety attack and sat there crying for quite a while. I remember chanting "I didn't want to, I didn't want to..)
Now I don't know what to think of this incident. I have quite a few blackouts from that night and I might have said or done something that encouraged him to get sexual with me? I mean, I remember saying back-and-forth things when in that blur, like one minute "do you have condoms?" and the next "I think I'm on my period". My memory is pretty clouded before he choked me.
The thing is, EVERYONE knows about this incident. Not from me, but from the people who saw my anxiety attack. And two guys have gone to this person's boss to tell what he had done (without asking me). Should I feel bad about this? Was what he did actually wrong or is he wrongfully blamed? Please help
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