Recovery feels lonely

yorkshirelass · 07-11-2019, 11:36 PM

Hi All, newbie here!

I've decided I would like to recover from my eating issues and have taken a few positive steps towards that - I see a counselor once a week. I have also opened up to 2 friends.

My friends unfortunately didn't respond very well - while I believe they had the right intentions, I think they were trying to "fix me". They started setting targets such as "only purge 4x this week". I found the entire situation really stressful and so ended up opening up regarding this yesterday. It made me feel really out of control and led me to start SI after years of not doing this. Thankfully after speaking to them yesterday, I think they now understand that recovery has to be on my terms - they can't fix me.

But now... I feel like I don't really have anyone to speak to about this. I don't trust my friends anymore and they don't understand so I don't feel like I can be fully honest. I don't know anyone in real life whose gone through these issues, and while I actually really like my counselor - I can't afford to see her more then once a week.

So I thought I'd join the forum to see if I could get some online support. Recovery feels so lonely. I can't be the only one who thinks this right?

one_step_closer · 08-11-2019, 07:13 PM

Hi, welcome to RYL. I don't have any personal experience of an ED but I wanted to reply to your post in case you don't get many replies since it can be quiet around here. It's really great that you're focusing on recovery, I think recovery from anything can feel lonely if you don't have people around who understand what you're going through. I'm guessing that having an ED in general can feel kind of lonely too. Do you know if there are any peer support groups in your area?

I hope it helps to post here.

Pi.R^2 · 09-11-2019, 09:28 AM

Hey there,

Great to hear that you're trying to recover from your eating issues and I hope that it goes well for you. I'm recovered from an eating disorder so you're not alone.

Sorry that it didn't go well with your friends; people can really struggle to understand eating disorders and I think it's natural for people to want to 'fix' things. Do you know what kind of help/support you would like from your friends? It sounds like they do want to help so I'm sure they'd be receptive if you told them what you needed.

yorkshirelass · 10-11-2019, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by one_step_closer

Hi, welcome to RYL. I don't have any personal experience of an ED but I wanted to reply to your post in case you don't get many replies since it can be quiet around here. It's really great that you're focusing on recovery, I think recovery from anything can feel lonely if you don't have people around who understand what you're going through. I'm guessing that having an ED in general can feel kind of lonely too. Do you know if there are any peer support groups in your area?

I hope it helps to post here.

Hi,

Thank you so much for your response. I don't really think peer support groups around ED's are available around my area. None that I'm aware of anyways. Yes having an ED did feel lonely, but I used some triggering websites and connected to people who did not want to recover - which did make it feel less lonely. It's why I thought joining this forum may help. x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pi.R^2

Hey there,

Great to hear that you're trying to recover from your eating issues and I hope that it goes well for you. I'm recovered from an eating disorder so you're not alone.

Sorry that it didn't go well with your friends; people can really struggle to understand eating disorders and I think it's natural for people to want to 'fix' things. Do you know what kind of help/support you would like from your friends? It sounds like they do want to help so I'm sure they'd be receptive if you told them what you needed.

Well done on recovering! How long have you been recovered for? It seems like such an impossible task.

I tried to reach out and speak to one of my friends when I was feeling low yesterday. She just replied with a sad face emoji. I think by telling her, trying to fix me wasn't helping and just making me feel stressed she now doesn't know how to respond at all.

I just want a friend. I want a friend to talk to - not about this - but about any stupid thing. I want her to keep inviting me out - despite the fact I may turn her down. I want her to check in - a text to see how I am today would of been nice. I just want to feel less alone. I feel so alone.

I have decided I made my other friend feel too uncomfortable - and so I will not broach it again. I'm used to doing that - my family are experts in brushing things under the carpet.

Pi.R^2 · 16-11-2019, 11:35 AM

Thanks. I recovered about 6 years ago now (wow!).

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your friends' responses. It is so hard for people to know how to support, even though it seems pretty obvious to us that keeping you included in things and checking in with you would be better than not.

Could you initiate some social activity- suggest meeting for a coffee or going to do something?

I'm assuming from your username that you're in the UK; it could be worth looking into what the charity Mind offers in your area. Even if it wasn't eating disorder specific, they may have some groups and activities that you would like to take part in that would help ease your loneliness.

How are you getting on?

tiptoes · 21-11-2019, 10:21 AM

What would be helpful for your friends to do?

What is the right thing can be quite personal, it is great that you were able to say what wasn't helping. That can be super tricky to do! However it might have left them at a loss as to what to do next because their idea wasn't quite right, maybe they need a little guidance. For example when you text the other day to say your were feeling low you could follow it up with "I could use some help stay distracted" or "I could use someone to talk to" or "I need it acknowledging how difficult it can be". After a bit of time you will both learn a more supportive communication. Although be prepared it might not be your first friend that you t this with that will work for you. It helps when you click and the other person gets you and you don't need to say much and they are there. Over the years I have found that various friends have various roles and not all of them fall in the "support" category. They are still great and I value their friendship but they aren't my go toos at the end of a hard day.