How many of you guys are fed up with that question? I get that they're concerned and want to let me know that they care but there's only so many times a girl can get asked that question without cracking and completely blowing up at people. Please tell me I'm not the only one who is tired of that question and i'm not a complete jerk for being upset that I get asked this.
I do get sick of it, but on the flip side I ask it a lot so i guess I sit in an empathy seat that usually keeps me from blowing up. It's really hard to not scream your head off at someone. I don't get asked it much though, so while yes it's annoying, try and remind your self that it is better to know people care for you then not know or hear it at all. It really kind of kills when you know you need someone to notice you are dieing and so close to blowing and nobody reaches a hand out, nobody asks if you're alright.
Try to remind your self when your at your wits end with the question.
"You've used and abused me, but you will NOT destroy me!" Alice Liddell. Alice: Madness Returns
Being asked sometimes puts me on the defensive, yes. I sort of see what you mean about sometimes wanting just to blow up, I think; when the people around you ask, even an occasional follow-up can start to seem like constant checking in, as if the SI and the insecurity that surrounds it make them see you as less capable or adult than you really are. Personally, though, I'm not irritated with the people who ask it so much as I'm fed up with myself for putting them into a position of having to ask. I hate it for being a part of my relationships with people, if that makes any sense.
I'm prevented from saying anything harsh or angry to anyone who asks after me, however. They're only asking because they're worried, and since I'm the one who's the cause of that worry, it wouldn't be right for me to lash out. Have you tried to explain this feeling to the people around you? If they understood why it sometimes provokes you when they ask how you're doing, it might ease some of the tension without making anyone actually feel bad.
Last edited by Pierrot : 04-07-2010 at 10:44 AM.
Reason: added something
The one that REALLY gets my goat, well two. From random strangers or till people "How are you?" they go in Sainsburys. I HATE Sainsburys. It's none of their business how I am!
Then "What's wrong with you?" Or What's your problem?"
I hate being asked that because everytime I have to lie and say " I'm fine". It's not like I can say "No I'm not ok I'm feeling depressed, suicidal, empty, hopeless, and I want to hurt myself again". And I hated it when my grandma would ask ''if I found out what was wrong with me yet'', like I'm defective or something.
It does annoy me, yes. When people can see how I'm about to cry or on the edge, and they ask 'are you ok?' I get really mad. If they said to me something like: 'I'm here if you want to talk' or something, I'd be so greatful, but 'are you okay' annoys me to the nth degree.
Happiness is a form of courage
~ Holbrook Jackson
''Although the scars of yesterday remain, you can go on living as much as your heart believes. You can't be born again, although you can change.''
I don't mind being asked if it's someone who genuinely gives a damn, but when it's a work colleague for instance who you know doesn't actually care, it can be a bit of a pain.
That said, maybe we should just all be grateful that people do ask? I mean, if nobody asked we'd have a thread called 'why does nobody notice i'm unhappy' lol
I am currently writing for a project about the year 1997... please PM me if you'd like to share any anecdotes about that year, or tell me what films/music/TV etc you were into at the time.
Your not the only one, or a complete jerk, this annoys me too. I just wish they could leave me alone sometimes! I think many people get annoyed at this so your not alone :) dont worry :) you just have to try and ignore them and answer then move on. Take care xxx
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I dunno, maybe if you talked to them about how you were feeling they wouldn't need to ask all the time??
I used to get annoyed at that question from my parents, so one day I replied that the question was too generalised and that it may be more useful if they set aside some time in their week so we could actually talk to each other. Otherwise, i told them, they would only get a glib 2 word answer which I reasoned only pissed them off all the more because we all knew i wasn't 'fine' or they wouldn't have had to ask in the first place!
Mind you then I got alloted time in the week to 'talk'. I have to admit that wasn't great because I felt the rest of the week they ignored it....haha poor parents, what a tightrope they have to walk!
Location: Scotland in the middle of nowhere but i like it
I am currently:
yeah it gets a bit annoying i think it might just be because im paranoid that they know thats why there asking. kind of like when u got caught doing something and there like and what were u doing and u cant lie because u know they know
that doesnt make sense sorry
I settled down
A twisted-up frown
Disguised as a smile
Well, you would've never known
I had it all, but not what I wanted
'Cause hope for me was a place uncharted And overgrown
I don't mind being asked if it's someone who genuinely gives a damn, but when it's a work colleague for instance who you know doesn't actually care, it can be a bit of a pain.
That said, maybe we should just all be grateful that people do ask? I mean, if nobody asked we'd have a thread called 'why does nobody notice i'm unhappy' lol
I hate this question with all my heart.
They ask it, and i answer i'm fine. i have had to tell that lie so many times and it hurts a lot. It just makes me remember how im not ok.
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
I react to it in 2 ways really, also the way i react depends on who is saying it. Like my mum who asked me every night ' are you okay lauren' i just say yes and that does really annoy me as though i know she only wants to help i wouldn't be able to tell her if i was feeling unsafe etc as i feel it would hurt her too much.
Were as when my cousin said it before or my best mate says it ( both know about my problems) sometimes i do just want to spill the beans and tell them that i am feeling unsafe and dont trust myself and all of the so i normally try to tell the truth if i feel it will do more harm then good i tend to keep my mouth shut.
But normally it depends on the person asking the question :)
Just to add, say if i am upset as i have fallen over or something stupid or am bleeding and someone asked that question i normally answer ' Do i bloody look okay!' though that normally comes from me been angry that clearly am not okay and they should see that.
it's actually mainly because of this question that i joined today. I just don't know how to answer. It's like sometimes i'm entirely sure if the person asking is doing it to be polite or actually wants to know and is prepared for the real answer. Sometimes I want to say the truth, that i'm struggling, that i've pictured the person asking me this and rehearsed the answer in my head to work up courage and othertines it just makes me annoyed. That they;ve asked the question I want but in the wrong place or wrong time.
Then I feel guilty for being selfish or moody or I feel guilty for lying, or if I tell the truth I feel guilty for making them worried.
Sometimes I wish there was some sort of neon sign that would flash up and tell me whther this is one of those situations were I have to lie or be honest.
For such a simple 3 word question it can be very confusing!
Most people don't know about my issues so they don't ask. However I told my mom she could only ask me if I was okay once a week unless I look really poor because I could not stand her asking me every ten minutes.
You're not alone.
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
I hate this question. So much. It feels completely invasive to me. I am forced to either lie to the person I care about, or tell them about a feeling I don't want them to know I have (at least at the time).
I wish people would be more careful. I mean, there are other ways to show concern other than asking a question like that. I would feel much better if someone just SUGGESTED something, like by maybe saying something along the lines of, "I just want you to know if you're ever not feeling well, I'm there for you. But anyway..."
A statement like that would make me feel like they care, but are not trying to invade into my privacy.
Life:
it's all about perspective.
So when it isn't going well for you,
just try looking at it in a whole new way.
I don't mind when people ask and they want a genuine answer, people who care about you.
But it's annoying when someone you barely know asks you, and you know they don't want the truth they just feel like they have to ask. I'm a very private person, so when I'm with people I don't know well, I'd rather just be left alone. You end up saying "yeah, not bad" or "I'm fine" and then you feel even worse because it reminds you how NOT fine you are.
I hate this question. It bothers me so much. Mainly because I can never give a truthful answer.
I have this teacher, who I am insanely close to, shes like my mom. Everyday she'll ask me if Im okay even if she knows Im not. I say Im fine and it hurts so much to see the pain in her eyes and to see that she knows Im lying and cant express what is going on to her. I feel like I lose her trust and hope more and more each day.
The moment you feel like giving up, remember all the reasons you held on for so long.
