depressed

[erichuff]

I've been clinically depressed for about two years, and I thought I got over it, but now I'm back to where I was. There's been some bad news around - my ex-girlfriend's having my baby and doesn't want me in their lives, that's the main thing. The others are just college people being twats and a girl I live with not managing her own problems and coming to me for help. I can't handle my own problems, and especially not hers.

Thing is... I've got a massive support network around me, but I don't want to use it. I'm so used to feeling like this that I don't want to change. I know why this is, though - there's things I want to do (self harm again) but if I got help I wouldn't be able to do them. I don't actually want the help.

[one_step_closer]

I can understand where you're coming from, being stuck inside depression is difficult but if you've known it for so long it can feel familiar and almost comfortable. It sounds like you don't really want to be depressed though and having to manage all the awful stuff that comes with it and also trying to deal with other peoples stuff at the same time. You say you thought you had got over the depression, what was it like when you felt better before? What would you want from self harm? Is there anyone at all you could be honest with or at least share some things with? It would maybe be useful to talk through your practical/social difficulties and get some advice even if you don't want to talk about emotional stuff right now. I hope you can do what is right for you.