I upset my Autistic brother now its my fault

[CatFairy]

So i go to a local mental health charity and attend an art class. I invited my brother to attend as i thought it would be good for him. My brother behaviour isnt great. He says offensive things that he knows are wrong. And i allways felt like i had to correct him as his support worker doesn't. I know many people with autism who despite there difficulties dont use there autism as an excuse to be rude like my brother dose. Today i was tired feeling crap but i pushed myself out of bed. At the group my brother and i had a disagreement about weather he was photo bomming or not(stupid i know) and he got pissed at me and i got pissed at him. He walked out so did i.

Mum rang to talk it out. I explained his behavoir and how i feel about correcting him all the time. Apparently his support worker foesnt feel like what he is saying is inappropriate and i am the only one who dosent like his behavoir and do i even understand Autism at all? (I have done several traning courses, have close friends with people with autism, and have worked with people with autism, and he is my brother.. i grew up with him)

I wonder do my feelings matter? Should people allow my brother to behave in a rude way and say offensive this because he has autism. When things happen like this i ofent wonder why i bother with everything.

I also am figuring out my gender identity and he says things regularly about identify as a toster. Wich i cant tell him why thats offensive as im figuring it out

[one_step_closer]

Does correcting your brother lead to positive changes? I can understand where you're coming from, but remember that you're not responsible for how your brother behaves. Of course his behaviour will affect you though so maybe you can find ways to deal with it so it has less of an impact on you. It sounds like you really care about him and it was kind of you to invite him to the art class. Most siblings get into lots of arguments, it's normal and can be hard to avoid. You both had it out with each other and I guess now it's time to move past that. It's not your fault that he got upset, he upset you too. Relationships are tough like that.

Your feelings most definitely matter. Are you talking to anyone about how you feel and about figuring out your gender identity?

I hope you're doing ok.

[CatFairy]

I see someone from the mental health service but unfortunately where i live there is virtually no support for people who are LGBTQ +

Sadly i have very little impact as my mum and his support worker let him behave in this manner. He can behave because hr has before when doing other activities(going abroad, attending meetings ect.) I think im just fed up of being the bad guy, correcting him (because know one else will). I know one day someone will say something really bad or even yell at him if he continues thus way. But nones seems to see it. And my mum saying "im not blaming anyone, but.." clear means to me that she does blame me. For once i wish my mum and my brother would think of my feelings and worries. Because of his autism he as allways been the favourite and me the afterthought. Today was the first time since my grandads death that my mum acctualy rang me. And that is depressing.

Thank you for replying i really appreciate it

[Auror.]

As someone who was recently diagnosed with autism, being mentally ill and trans, and with a neurotypical brother who has similar issues, I can sort of understand both sides of this.

The thing is, you can't control other people's actions. I learned a long time ago that calling out my brother's rude and inappropriate behavior changes nothing, and just puts the blame back on me. That doesn't make it okay. But you can't change or control other people.

What steps can you take to deal with your own feelings surrounding what occurs? Understand that this might mean explaining to your brother that you need to not be around him in person, or you might need to remove yourself from situations if this behavior occurs. You have to be the one to set the boundaries you need to protect yourself. That sucks, but you can still let your brother know you care for him, just you will be setting boundaries.

As far as gender identity, online communities can be really good for talking to people and just learning. I know for me, finding the words and labels to identify my experiences made a lot of difference. In person resources are great, but if none exist locally, the internet can connect you to a wider resource pool in the meantime.

This might be a bit blunt, and I apologise if it is. Not in the best frame of mind but also wanted to respond.

[CatFairy]

Thank you for replying i apreciate what you said and no your not being blunt. :)