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Old 28-01-2017, 11:31 PM   #1
UnanimousAnonymous
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
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I need help.

I need help but I don't know how to get it.
I left general hospital yesterday after a suicide attempt and the psych team told me I will die or be severely disabled from my Selfharm attempts.
They then discharged me with a number of tablets.
I am not 'treatable' due to my diagnosis (that me, my family and friends disagree with) of EUPD.
This has left me feeling more hopeless, helpless and pathetic than I already feel and it has made me feel like there is no point in trying.
What can I do and where can I go?
I can't just turn up in A&E again, it's embarrassing. And I'm really sorry if this is against the rules, I'm trying not to be triggering but I don't know where else to turn.

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Old 28-01-2017, 11:35 PM   #2
Wonderland.
 
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Join Date: Nov 2007

If you feel like you are going to do something, as scary as it is, you can attend A&E. Yes it can be embarrassing but like you rightly say you need help.

Are you under Crisis Team at all?

What about calling Samaritans?



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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Old 28-01-2017, 11:40 PM   #3
Irisflower
 
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Do you have a safety plan? It can be good to think ahead of the next crisis exactly what to do when you feel a specific way. I agree with Wonderland, it's much better to risk embarrassment at A and E than to have to deal with severe consequences of SH/suicidal behaviour.

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Old 28-01-2017, 11:48 PM   #4
UnanimousAnonymous
 
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The crisis team discharged me yesterday. And if I go to A&E I will be discharged with an "oh we will email the community team". Crisis team don't know what to do with me, I won't be admitted as I'm diagnosed EUPD (which none of my friends or family agree with) and so I don't know what I can do. I am at risk and I am probably going to die but the crisis team and inpatient team think that although I'm a "high risk" it's a risk they are wiling to take.
I don't want to die but I cannot carry on this way.

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Old 29-01-2017, 12:16 AM   #5
whirlpools
 
Join Date: May 2008

I'm wondering if it would be worth requesting a CPA review, given that you have been identified as being high risk? It would give you, your family/friends/other supports an opportunity to get together in an organised way to discuss the best way forward for you? It could give you a chance (ideally with family/friend support) to request a sensible crisis plan, a longer-term plan (treatment?) and to discuss concerns.

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Old 29-01-2017, 12:22 AM   #6
Uglyducklin
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Hugs I'm so sorry you are hurting and distressed like this. In the short term go to A and E as it will keep you safe and request a cpa review as whirlpools suggested. People can and do treat eupd ( I'm not saying this is the correct diagnosis I personally think it is ridiculous to put things down to personality) . Please don't give up xx

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Old 30-01-2017, 11:08 AM   #7
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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I'm so sorry diagnosis of EUPD can make accessing help so frustrating and difficult. While 'professionals' are being prats is there any other areas you could look for for help such as community centres? Also when the thoughts get bad and you feel you have no one to turn to Samaritans can sometimes help.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 09-02-2017, 04:17 PM   #8
UnanimousAnonymous
 
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I was diagnosed with EUPD this time last year. The main reason - because I self harm and I was abused as a child.

I don't believe I have EUPD/BPD. I hate attention, I don't fear abandonment, I do not have lots of sexual partners, I haven't had a partner in years because of past abuse memories/flashbacks. I'm not really impulsive, I can be sometimes but most of my friends say they are the same. I am the least angry and volatile person you can meet, my friends and family say the same. My mood can change but it's not frequently, I have periods of depression and other periods where I am 'high'.

Anyway, the CMHT won't listen to me and they say because I have traits that this diagnosis is sticking.

But since this diagnosis, I feel that I am not getting the support I need in the community. My suicidal thoughts have been really vivid, my eating disorder is out of control. I have taken 3 serious overdoses since January and am only here because I was found in time. One time I was put in the psych ward for not even 48hours, crisis team thought I should be there and the ward psych discharged me because 'hospital isn't good for people with my diagnosis'. Funny as they sectioned me in March last year but again, no therapy, just a holding cell.

Last week, I was discharged from general hospital on Tuesday, having daily visits from crisis team as I am 'high risk', got discharged from crisis team to community team on Friday and have heard nothing since. I haven't got a care coordinator, it's a 6month to 1 year waiting list for 1:2:1 psychological support, the only thing I can do is call duty team if I feel bad but I find the advice pointless. If I am calling, no I am not in the frame of mind to watch TV, I have probably tried distracting for days on end and it's not working (like now).

I haven't left my house or looked out of the window for 2 days, my anxiety is through the roof and I have no money to go anywhere or do anything. I've tried drawing and writing poems, tidying my house but these past few days I am plagued my memories, flashbacks, suicidal thoughts. I can't make plans because I am homeless in 26 days, I can't afford to insure my car so I can't even get to work if I was well enough to go. I am literally just here, existing, rotting away and I don't see a way forward or the point in carrying on.

I am suicidal and the thoughts are getting stronger with every passing day. I feel like this is getting on top of me and I can't carry on and I can't talk to anyone in real life because I'm not taken seriously anymore, this is a "chronic risk" and I may "accidentally die". I feel like they have given up on me. My friends and family don't know what to do or say anymore, they think I'm going to die soon.

The stigma I have encountered is not from the public but mental health professionals themselves.

I feel completely helpless and don't know where to turn. If I could afford to insure my car or go and do something, it may help because I can actually go and do something but I have nothing. I don't have money for food and I will be waiting months yet for a decision on PIP. Things also wouldn't seem this hopeless if I wasn't being made homeless but money is more important to my mother than my health.

I'm so tired. Physically and mentally.

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Old 09-02-2017, 04:30 PM   #9
Wonderland.
 
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It sounds like you are in a very tough position right now.

Fighting to get a diagnosis changed is difficult, I'm still in the process of mine after numerous years and only now are they starting to listen. It's up to you but I'm unsure whether putting a lot of your effort into that right now is the top priority with everything else you have going on for you. Not to say you cannot come back to it at a later stage when things are a little bit more settled. As this is what I did.

Have you been to your GP to try and push for more support that way? I've found in the past when I've struggle to get support from the CMHT that speaking to my GP has been very useful at times. And they have on numerous occasions pushed the CMHT to give me more support. You do not have to fight all this on your own, it is really frustrating when the help you are getting is far from adequate but if you get one person who does listen like a GP they can really get things moving for you.

With everything you have going on right now, what support is it that in an ideal world you would like from your CMHT?

I think sometimes it's helpful to know what we expect of services, so we can sort of guide them in a way as to what would be helpful to us when we are struggling.

<3



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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