Mom Thinks I'm Starving Myself...Help?

[-Eleventeen-]

Please feel free to move this if it doesn't belong here. I didn't know whether or not to post this here or in the General Support board. I recently made the descision that I would stop overeating and only eat when I am really hungry. I'm extremely overweight, so I've been trying to lose weight also. Let me clear the air about something before I continue--I am NOT starving myself or over-exersizing in any way. My mom, however, suspects otherwise. Ever since I made this descision I have been eating in smaller portions, but just enough to make me full. My mom always tries to get me to eat more and more. I don't know why she does this, I suppose she's just afraid that I'm not eating enough. She recently asked me "April, are you starving yourself?" and "April, are you eating your lunch at school or are you just throwing it away?" How do I convince her that I am NOT starving myself or any of that kind of stuff? No matter what I tell her, she always keeps pushing me to eat more, she says I need to not worry so much about being skinny, but what she doesn't realize is that I'm not worried about being skinny. I'm worried about my health. That's why I'm making these changes. How do I convince her that I'm making these choices not to be skinny, but to improve my health?

[TruthResistsSimplicity]

It's a tough one, because parents often worry like that. I remember similar reactions even when I was eating fine.
I think sometimes if people are really worried about you, they can create situations in there head thats point to a problem that isn't really there.

I'm not sure how good your relationship is with your mum but it's always best to try and talk it out with her sensibly, it seems like your have a healthy attitude toward your health rather then wanting to be skinny so that might be a place to start. Might be worth making some notes before you do, just so you feel comfortable with what you plan to say.

I think if you going the right way about your eating and your being healthy hopefully your mum will be reassured.
Just don't get worried if she doesn't believe you, it doesn't mean that your saying anything wrong or even that she thinks your a liar. Just thats she worried, and sometimes it's hard to let go if you think someone you love needs help.

Might also be an idea to indulge your mum every so often, if she asks you to have a bit more to eat. Sure a healthy diet is important, but a little extra every now and then won't make too much difference to a healthy diet and might reassure your Mum.

Hope this helps.

[[SundayGirl]]

Parents have a tendancy to worry when something changes, its what they do! Id also suggest speaking to her & explaining that you are not starving your just trying to eat healthier? Is it possible for you to speak to a doctor to help with weight loss? They could refer you to somewhere that will provide you with meal plans, calorie allowences etc and that could probably make your mum feel abit less paranoid?
xo

[teenagecircus]

My mom sort of did the same thing a while back for a short period of time (even though I was eating healthily at the time). It's understandable and it's just because they care, but it can still be frustrating. Maybe you could sit her down and try and really carefully explain everything? Like why exactly you're doing this, what prompted it, how you're changing your eating, how you think this will benefit you (other than the vague "I'll be healthier"), etc. It might help if you plan out what you want to say ahead of time. If you've already tried that, I think going to a doctor is also a good idea. At the very least the doctor could tell your mom that she has nothing to worry about and that what you're doing is okay, which would hopefully help dispel her fears. Also, it's great that you're doing this for your health as opposed to doing it to be skinny! :)
Good luck!

[-Eleventeen-]

Thanks you guys, I really appriciate the support. xxxx

I have tried my best to get her to understand that what I am doing is not starving myself, just eating more healthily and in smaller portions. I have sat her down and tried to talk to her many times, tried to explain to her that I do not have an ED, but she just will not budge. She is completely bent on believing that I'm starving myself and throwing the food back up, being as I go to the bathroom right after I eat. I tried telling her that I do not throw my food back up, it's just that a lot of foods don't agree with me too well and make it so that I have to use the bathroom right after I eat. (Gross, I know, but I can't help that.) Still, she doesn't believe me. She says that I'm just trying to make excuses. I know that she's this way because she cares, but I can't help feeling extremely frustrated to the point where I just feel like screaming in her face until she gets it. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about having my therapist to convince her, maybe she just needs to hear it from a professional. I doubt that would actually work though.

I just don't know what to do about this. I've tried all I know to try.

[MissAnonymous]

I would definitely take her to see your Dr or therapist; she doesnt have to come in for long maybe. If you choose to get her to see your therapist I would speak to them first about her coming in and what you wish to convey to your mum so you can get it all out. It would help for her to have a space to express her concerns with someone who is also looking out for your physical and mental well being. You can hopefully explain as you have here what you have to say; that you are being mindful of food, eating smaller portions but not starving and that your motivation for this is your health, not your size I underline that because that is so important, and you must always keep in mind that health is looking after your body and as you grow and change, body needs can change.

I know what parents can be like; always worrying, always stressing about something.. I wonder if you could use that nagging feature to help you in some way; could you have her remind you of healthy snack times or to make sure you are having enough things like calcium [think yoghurts, milk, cheese] I say this one, but you cannot let your calcium intake faultier while you are still growing. Having dinner with them is a good idea cos eating is meant to be a social event, but asking her to focus on chatting about her day and your day rather than how many potatoes you have on your plate.


Hope that makes sense cos I am rather drugged now!