That all sounds so deeply painful, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I have no experience of your particular struggles, but I have a close friend who was in a controlling, abusive relationship with the father of her children. She got out over two years ago now, and from what she's told me leaving was a very tough thing for her to do. The feelings she still had towards her fiance were confusing, and he'd spent years wearing her down so she doubted everything she felt. She was scared in case she lost her kids (she didn't), and for so many other reasons. Sorry, I know that was a ramble but I wanted to illustrate that while it seems on the surface like a simple choice, I think that it's so understandable and human and OK to feel unable to 'just' walk away.
I hope you know that you are worth so much more than this man, and that you are allowed to leave - and you are allowed to have complicated feelings.
Sorry if this is unsolicited advice and I don't know where you are in the world, but if you are worried about practicalities and in England, when my friend left, she went to the council and explained she was homeless after escaping abuse, and she and her children were allocated emergency housing.
I hope you are safe, and you are able to care for any injuries you have.
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