Triggering (SI/OD) - WHY BOTHER

[porsche]

I'm invisible, thought I would like being ignored, but I don't it hurts,hurts more than i thought it would
Whats it take to find someone that cares, someone to acknowledge that i exist, is it so hard??
I wish my husband thought I was invisible at the moment tho. He saw that I have been cutting and also saw the bruise on my leg where I hit myself yesterday, he told me that its pointless, there is no point in me doing it. He told me that he wants what i have been using to cut myself so that I don't do it again and he also wants my to talk to him if i feel the urge to do it. Firstly, I have never talked to him about whats happened in my life, we have been married for nearly 14yrs and i have never had a deep talk with him, so i cant see it happening anytime soon. Secondly, one of the reasons i cut is because of guilt, and also because i feel so empty, but the main reason is to try to keep myself safe, cutting is usually the last straw before i actually try and take my own life, it has worked so far, I haven't OD in years. How the hell do i tell husband that I'm suicidal.
All i want to do right now is to cut, i feel so frustrated and stupid. I didn't hide my cuts well enough from him and now i don't know what to do.
It's all getting out of control, I wish i had someone/anyone to talk to, but i don't, i'm so close to the edge, i want to take one step further, but i have to wait till his at work tomorrow night, that way i know he wont bust me ending my life.
Sorry, im just rambling

[green.eyes]

hey hun
i'm sorry things are so tough at the moment. could you mayb write your husband a letter explaining why you cut or jsut that you need to do it at the moment to cope, or show him this thread?
have you tried talking to a counsellor or doctor about how you feel hun? or a friend?
please please keep yourself safe hun and ifyou cant go to hospital and explain, there you can talk to an on duty psych about how you feel.
take care
*hugs*

[Sometimes Crazy]

Hi porsche,

It sounds like your husband is just trying to help because he cares, but it's understandable about being uncomfortable with a deep talk at first.

Maybe you could suggest that when you get urges or feel like this, you could both do a distraction? Then he will feel as though he can help you and it may also bring you closer, especially if it's something that gives you both chance to talk. I hope this helped a little, good luck!

Chelsea xx

[typsee]

Hey porsche ..... just wanted to let you know that you're not invisible here hun ... I see you!

It sounds like your husband cares about you in his own way, even if he's not quite sure what's going on or the best way to respond to you.

Is there a reason why you dont talk usually to him about what's going on with you and how you are really feeling?

I think its kinda tough on a person to take away their tools when they havent as yet learned other ways to cope, coz like you said, often self injury is playing a stabilizing and grounding role in a person's life, and unless you've learned other ways to cope with cope with those feelings, taking away the option to self injure can leave a person flailing and dealing with emotions they've never really faced head on ..... and you need support to do that, and you need other coping skills to replace those maladaptive behaviours that you've to help you get through.

Please dont feel like you have to do this alone porsche ..... not only do you have your husband who looks like he is wanting to try and help, even though he may be misguided, but you also have us here at RYL.

Take care xxxx