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Old 04-12-2017, 09:24 AM   #21
Juella
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You can always talk to us on here. There is nothing odd about wanting to talk to someone. It's just human nature.

I know it might not be exactly what you want, but can you tell us how you're feeling?

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Old 04-12-2017, 07:14 PM   #22
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Human nature has never felt right for me.

I think I just wanted real life company last night to share my chatty/slightly drunk mood with.

No offence to you guys! I know everyone's willing to help and listen here, but real life company would have been nice...

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Old 04-12-2017, 07:44 PM   #23
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I understand. I'm sorry you couldn't think of anyone to spend time with.

I don't think anyone will be offended, so don't worry. It's completely understandable, that there's no way for this and similar sites to replace actual face to face interaction. I'm sorry I can't help more.

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Old 04-12-2017, 08:01 PM   #24
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I don't know anyone to spend time with...

But honestly being on this site has been very helpful.

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Old 04-12-2017, 08:15 PM   #25
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Do you think you would like to meet new people and make new friends IRL?

It's good that this site seems helpful to you. If it helps, please keep posting!

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Old 04-12-2017, 08:17 PM   #26
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No, I don't like people....!

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Old 05-12-2017, 03:20 AM   #27
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Okay. But you do seem to want company occassionally, right? Or is it a really rare occurrence?

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Old 05-12-2017, 06:37 PM   #28
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Occasionally, yes. I like the idea of having a group of friends and someone to come home to and share my day with. However, I'm not comfortable at all in groups of people, especially new people. I'm usually ok one to one.... but only if the other person is a certain kind of person (confident, chatty, etc), otherwise I struggle with conversation. I don't really trust people and just feel like I'm not worth knowing or have nothing interesting to talk about or what normally happens is I say something dumb. Sometimes I don't even want to make small talk because I really don't care enough to find out anything about the person which isn't very nice. I dunno, I'm just socially awful so that doesn't help at all.

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Old 05-12-2017, 07:30 PM   #29
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I understand. It's not that much that you don't like people at all, you just struggle with making new connections, and that's okay. Some people are more outgoing and some are more introverted. I myself can relate to many things you're saying, and if I have company for too long and/or too often I simply get tired of people. But that doesn't mean I don't want to have someone to talk to ever, and that doesn't mean you do too.
Can you think of someone to call your friend at the moment?

I often feel like I'm constantly saying something dumb too (in fact I even felt like an idiot twice during this conversation between you and me), but most of the time other people don't notice it even if I do. And even if they do notice, usually the best solution is to laugh at it. Everyone says stupid things once in a while and that's okay. You're human and you're inherently interesting. If you don't know what to say, the best solution is to ask the other person questions and let them talk - and there will be no awkward silences, and then eventually you will discover things to talk about. And I don't mean standard boring small talk. When I don't feel particularly socially reclusive, I ask random people weird questions, like 'If patronuses were real, what would you remember to conjure one?' or 'What your perfect life scenario looks like?' or even 'If you were a president of Earth, what would you change?' IRL. Everyone thinks I'm damn weird (there's a theory I'm high all the time) and some people wouldn't talk to me, but most people enjoy talking to me about all those random things and I did made some friends this way. Maybe, trying to talk to people more is worth it?

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Old 05-12-2017, 10:12 PM   #30
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Thank you for that reply - I don't really know what to say but I'm glad to know you understand.

You haven't sounded like an idiot at all to me, which proves your point really.

I do have one friend IRL.

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Old 05-12-2017, 10:48 PM   #31
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You're very welcome.

I just want you to know that you aren't alone feeling the way you do about new people and all that social stuff.

Do you think you can call your friend next time you'll feel like you would like some company and spend some nice time together?

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Old 05-12-2017, 11:04 PM   #32
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We do see each regularly, sometimes daily, and we live close by. But she has a family and baby and so sometimes I feel like I'm in the way when I go round there. Although I'm sure I'm not.

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Old 06-12-2017, 04:42 AM   #33
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Does it make you feel better when you see her?

It can be difficult to keep spending time with friends when you're an adult and everyone has jobs and families and various obligations. But I hope you do manage to hang out together once in a while.

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Old 06-12-2017, 09:45 PM   #34
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Yes it does, but then I have to come home.

---

Not really sure what this thread is becoming but I just need to write stuff. Not necessarily looking for replies but it's nice to know people are reading (that sounds very self-centred...)

Yoga was good yesterday, really tough but I could do a lot of it so didn't end up feeling useless. My muscles hurt a bit today and that's a good thing.

Saw my friend after work. Came home, ate a ****load of absolute crap.... Played some piano, was rubbish... my mind kept wandering, couldn't focus. My neighbour interrupted to give me her house key for the weekend, I'm looking after their dog. Put the oven on to cook more crap... Seeing as the previous binge wasn't dinner, I thought a plate of chips would suffice as "dinner"... but really it was a load more crap that I didn't need to eat. Potato's a vegetable, right...

While waiting for chips to cook... cut... but not enough. Pathetic. Doesn't hurt, just stings a bit... Rubbish. Haven't got the right "tools".... but I can fix that.

Christmas is getting closer. I keep forgetting that even though I'm not doing Christmas at all this year (no decs, no tree, probably no Christmas dinner...) I still have to do cards for certain people and some presents. It's all so forced. I hate it. It's stressing me out.... I'll probably ignore it until the last minute and that will make it worse. Hate this.

I have to contact the ex soon to sort out my phone contract (it's in his name...) Accidentally managed to "like" a Facebook post about him and his new gf in China.... Didn't notice for a couple of days... So embarrassing... x.x

Got no alcohol... ****.

Sorry everyone for the half journal/rant post.

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Old 06-12-2017, 10:22 PM   #35
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Hey, I don't really know what to say, but I want you to know that I read and I care.

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Old 07-12-2017, 10:50 PM   #36
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**** **** ****.

Just need to swear cos I can't get it out IRL.

Drunk again... stole a tool from work so I can cut properly... Also bought something else today that will help with that because apparently what I thought would work, didn't yesterday!!!

Argh, so cryptic. Rules, y'know.

>.<

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Old 07-12-2017, 10:56 PM   #37
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I’m so sorry things are so difficult. Is there anything that has stopped you self harming in the past?

Keep talking here. We’ll listen.





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Old 07-12-2017, 11:02 PM   #38
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The only thing that stopped me before was my boyfriend but he;s long gone...!

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Old 07-12-2017, 11:10 PM   #39
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I’m sorry.

Do you think asking for help before your reach that point would help? Like phoning the samaritans to talk it through?

I understand how hard it is, and I truly sympathise.





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Old 07-12-2017, 11:28 PM   #40
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I can't talk about things out loud...

It's fine typing it... well, even then it's hard but alcohol makes it easier and probably makes it sound way more dramatic! But... no...I hate talking about things out loud... not sure I could manage it. I have a counselling thing through work I could access too but again... phones.

Argh, all of this is so stupid and petty really.

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