Hi there. I'm new too. I've came here to get advice from outsiders points of view about stuff going on in my life. Sometimes those closest, although they try their best, they can't help at all. It was very disheartening reading your message. I can't even begin to understand what self harm is or how it makes you feel. I've been quite low in the past and have always managed to see a way through it. I badly suffered from panic attacks for years and still have moments where I feel I'm not in control. I finally found something that helped me. It's called Mindfulness and it teaches you about self acceptance of your thoughts and not to let your thoughts fester. It's perfectly okay to have thoughts, bad or good, it's how you react to those thoughts that matter in the long run. I still have good and bad days but I just remember that I need to care for myself because nobody else can do it for me and it's not their responsibility either. I control how I think and feel. Others can definitely influence my feelings but ultimately it's my responsibility. This is when I do some mindfulness meditation again. Now before you shut it down and think that's for hippies or what not believe me I'm not at all spiritual or anything like that but for years I was mentally kicking myself for how I was feeling and this is what resulted in my panic attacks. I thought well I've given everything else a try what harm can trying this do. I already felt at my lowest. And I'm telling you it took away my fear of a panic attack itself. I can't speak highly enough about it. I thought I'd feel like that forever. It's worth taking 5-20 minutes out of your day to better your own mental wellbeing. I promise.