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Old 30-05-2020, 07:04 PM   #181
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I am home. I feel worse than before. I feel so low. I feel so alone.



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Old 30-05-2020, 07:33 PM   #182
Harley
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Noo don't feel down, I know it's been a rubbish day but you're not alone - I've just started a spontanious Lillie party to cheer you up!





"Perfection is always under construction"

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Old 30-05-2020, 08:03 PM   #183
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No wonder you're feeling down after such a rough day.

Do cuddles with Bertie potentially help with the lonliness?
Or is there anyone you can call for a chat?




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.


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Old 30-05-2020, 08:31 PM   #184
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This whole day was bound to end to low feelings. Remind yourself that you're not on your own. Will you be walking any dogs any time soon? I know you enjoy that. As for tonight see if Bertie will give you some attention and do lots of soothing and self care things. You are important.

Harley's party looks a bit wild, I'd maybe give it a miss if I were you!





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Old 31-05-2020, 09:11 AM   #185
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Thanks for the lillie party!

Bertie willie affectionate but no cuddles when it's this hot.

I'm not sure what to do today. I mostly am just planning to self harm again.



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Old 31-05-2020, 09:18 AM   #186
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It was an excellent party - no need for social distancing and bans on mass gatherings online!

Lindsay complained about the noise initially, but was dancing on the bar by the end of the night

Yesterday was a rough day, but today is a different day. You've got people here to spill to, getting some stuff off your chest will help ease those feelings. Combine that with some self loving, spoiling yourself a bit and maybe plan and cook yourself something nice to eat, and see if today can be a better day?



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Old 31-05-2020, 09:46 AM   #187
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It's sad that self harm has become a planned thing for you. When other people use it impulsively and try not to do it at all. Why do you think it is an all consuming thing for you right now? I agree with Harley that you should try and plan some nicer things for your day and treat yourself with the kindness we all know you deserve. If you can't be kind to yourself is there anyone you can reach out to? Could you go for a walk with your Dad and the dog again?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 31-05-2020, 09:57 AM   #188
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I dont cook. It's far too hot to cook anyway!! I do need to go to the shop for laundry stuff so could get some nice fresh fruit that I enjoy like pineapple.

I feel sad too lindsay. And bad that this is how it is. But I need the pain to atone for the evil, to stop it spreading and so that I get a break from everything.

Only people who are geographically close are parents. I dont want to see mum again so soon as we have a strained relationship and I enjoy our time together but have to watch what I say. And it's too hot for a dog walk. I feel very isolated from people. And it hurts a lot when people say see a friend because my closest friend is an hours drive away. And I cant drive because I was sectioned and missed my test. And there really is no one to call.



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Old 31-05-2020, 10:01 AM   #189
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Yeah cooking doesn't have to be a hot stew or anything! It can be a colourful fruit salad, that is just as good - if not better!

I know it's not quite the same, but we're all here and happy to do whatever it takes to help you get through the day



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Old 31-05-2020, 10:02 AM   #190
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Definitely get some pineapple or something. That would be a nice treat. I know your beliefs but you truly are not an evil person, there are plenty of evil people out there and I wouldn't group you with them. What does self harming give you a break from? Would your Dad go for a walk with you without the dog? Or could you go for a nice walk yourself and try and stay out of your head and notice all the things that are pleasing around you? I know that doesn't help the loneliness but getting away from the things inside of your head would also be a good break.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old Yesterday, 03:47 PM   #191
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I cant cope.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old Yesterday, 04:47 PM   #192
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What's going on?




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.


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Old Yesterday, 04:54 PM   #193
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This is the 4th day in a row I've needed to go to a and e for self harm. I'm using it because I cant cope. I dont know how to speak anymore. I'm so so fed up with being alive. I am so alone.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old Yesterday, 05:06 PM   #194
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Did they offer you support at a&e, like the Crisis Team or something?



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old Yesterday, 08:29 PM   #195
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Not this time. We started talking and then someone came in to help and she never re started the conversation. Then I cried throughout the whole thing and she thought it was pain and it was a bit but mostly hopelessness.



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Old Yesterday, 08:32 PM   #196
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And I have eaten so much food today looking for comfort and I feel disgusting. Even morediagusting.



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Old Yesterday, 09:13 PM   #197
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I am unsure what to say other than I'm glad you are at the very least getting medical attention when you need it. I know that can't be easy for you. Can you ask for mental health support if you are there again if that would be helpful? Or contact your CPN?



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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