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Old 03-11-2008, 09:26 PM   #1001
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I feel that way too. It seems that many people judge behaviours as "manipulative" or like I chose to do it for fun because I'm diagnosed as BPD.

The other week when I was in general hospital I got refused pain relief because they decided I would become addicted because I was a "self harmer" which was really frustrating and upsetting. It feels like because I'm diagnosed with BPD (although I'm sure you get it with a lot of mental health diagnosis) I'm not entitled to adequate healthcare. Having said that, there were a few really nice members of staff who didn't judge me and provided adequate pain relief. -Rant over-

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Old 03-11-2008, 11:11 PM   #1002
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Quote:
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Does anyone else think they have not been taken as seriously because of their BPD diagnosis?

I feel that if I were diagnosed with depression rather than BPD I would be taken more seriously.

When I see my key worker and tell her about certain thoughts or self harm, she just says "Oh that's your behaviours, it's just part of BPD" and I feel she dismisses it. She keeps saying I'm choosing to do things, to be manipulative. I'm really not, and I can't make her understand.
Completely. I was just told that being actively suicidal was just a normal fluctuation of my mood. It wasn't 2 years ago, so why now, if it's a personality disorder...?



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Old 04-11-2008, 12:39 AM   #1003
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I have to see my psych tomorrow, going to cut tonight and get wasted drunk. Can't tell her. Want them to stop talking ot me but because it isn't psychosis and only pseudo-hallucinations it doesn't seem to matter to them. I really want it to stop. I've tried to behave but it doesn't stop them and i want them to stop. I want her to up my AP. What can I do, I want her to realise I'm not being dramatic but really need them to stop and they won't. I've tried to tell them to shut up, I've tried to ignore them but they won't go away. Just b/c they aren't psychotic, apparently they don't matter. Please, what can I say?



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Old 04-11-2008, 01:32 AM   #1004
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So they're right?



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Old 04-11-2008, 07:17 AM   #1005
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They do matter, and borderline-psychosis can be really distressing. Noone's ever named my bordering on psychosis symptoms as such, apart from my therapist, and she takes me totally seriously.
The important thing, in my view, is to work with where the symptoms come from, and what you're defending yourself against, inside, or what the anxiety and terror is. Medicating yourself more might help, but from my knowledge and experience, borderline psychosis [and some full psychosis] isn't a brain chemistry thing so much as a reflection of the unconscious stirred up and surfacing and taking over.
Not many medics understand that perspective, unfortunately.

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Old 04-11-2008, 07:05 PM   #1006
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Since I'm only 16, I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I do believe I have most of the traits.
Since both my past counsellors discharged me as soon as things started to look up, I'm not willing to go back since I didn't see the point in going to see them when things were looking up (forming new relationships isn't something I'm brilliant at)
So therefore to be honest, I'm rather screwed.




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Old 04-11-2008, 09:45 PM   #1007
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Thanks Katie. Had AP upped but for my impulsivity and help control my self harm (also helps me sleep). Psych said that unfortunately they are there to stay until I can deal with the long term things via the psychotherapy place still waiting to be referred to. However, being able to keep the anxiety down etc through keeping my behaviour under control and using the AP, should help apparently. I feel a bit pants though because I told her how it feels like I'm being a pathetic hysterical teenager (I'm actually 26, nearly 27) and she said in a way that's right - pushing the boundaries, learning what I am about etc is what alot of people deal with in their teenage years and I quite clearly haven't - feel so childish. She reckons I'm in a much better position than last year when I wasn't even willing to deal with what is in the box - she said that I was quite clearly trying to keep it all there but it won't stay there. It doesn't feel better to me. She said that the more stability I can achieve b/n crisis situations the better and that just because I am moving away from that behaviour at the moment does not mean that they think I am any less distressed etc - i.e. she was saying that I don't need to attention seek wasn't she but I don't do it for that reason? Sorry to ramble but we talked quite alot today - only started to actually speak to her properly at last appointment. I feel like I am wasting her time as she needs to deal with people who are ill but she said that she would prefer to keep seeing me. I suppose we spoke alot and there are a load of things swimming around my head and trying to put them in some kind of order and understand other things she said.



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Old 04-11-2008, 10:42 PM   #1008
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No reason, when you mentioned pseudo hallucinations the other day I did a double take, I was diagnosed with these when I was 14, and I've never met anyone else with them. I agree completely. They are horrific and no one ever takes you seriously, even sometimes with me suggested I was making it up, just because you can see through them doesn't mean it isn't horrible. I cna't talk much now (arm's being a pain) but if you'd like to talk more I'm here for you. They suck!

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Old 05-11-2008, 09:09 AM   #1009
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Quote:
pushing the boundaries, learning what I am about etc is what alot of people deal with in their teenage years and I quite clearly haven't -
That's part of what I'm in process of working with right now... there can be lots of reasons why this didn't occur chronologically. I posted in Serious a while back about how I never had a normal teenage time.
It sounds like you had a really good session with your psych.

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Old 05-11-2008, 02:55 PM   #1010
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How can we diagnose BPD?

Hi mate,

I have gone through borderline personality disorder before. As someone who has experienced this before I want to share with you some information that can help you diagnose this disorder. A person suffering from this disorder often goes through a pattern of disorganization and instability in behavior, self-image, mood, and close personal relationships repetitively. This can lead to substantial impairment or distress in work and friendships.

A person having this disorder can remain composed and normal for years. Often, such a person can be intellectually sound, and appear friendly and competent. But, once they encounter a stressful situation in their life like split up in a romantic relationship or the death of somebody close to him or her, their defense structure suffers serious cracks. You can know more about this disorder by visiting the following links.

http://www.pillwatch.com/info/mental-disorders.html

http://www.bpdworld.org/borderline_personality_disorder-bpd_what_is_bpd.html

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Old 05-11-2008, 08:23 PM   #1011
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Fallen Rain - thanks, in a way it's worse than having psychosis because they can medicate to make them go away. I feel stuck and sometimes they are just difficult to fight.

Katie, how do you feel about being told that you are acting like a teenager when not one because that is in effect what my psych was saying. I find it a little hard to swallow especially as I was really responsible as a teenager and did a lot of stuff adults should have done if that makes sense.

Giggs - thanks for the links!

I still couldn't pluck up the courage and ask her if she had officially diagnosed this although it is obvious. Maybe I'll ask my GP if I see him sometime.



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Old 05-11-2008, 08:30 PM   #1012
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I've mixed feelings.
On one hand I understand why and how things got to be as they are - I never got to do the normal developmental teenage things because of the way my parents 'babyfied' me,[at the same time as needing me to care for them..] isolated me from the world, and also my own innate anxiety stuff. I just landed up depressed and seething with pain and anger beneath. So, yes, I can observe how things got this way and feel concern and understanding and compassion for myself.

Along with this I feel kind of chuffed - that I'm processing teenage feelings now is actually healthy, although more than 20 years late. It's rather precious to move through this maturing process consciously and with adult insight.

On the other hand, I also feel trapped and scared whether I'll ever make it to proper adulthood. And confused and thrown about between all the different developmental stages.

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Old 05-11-2008, 11:21 PM   #1013
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I was diagnosed with BPD today and i feel so relieved to finally know what my problem is

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Old 06-11-2008, 02:05 AM   #1014
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After completely ruining another relationship, hurting yet more people I love, I'm convinced that I have BPD. I wish I was wrong. It feels like I'm defective, flawed, and unfixable.
Going to see the GP tomorrow, see what she has to say about it. I wouldn't be surprised if they already diagnosed me, and just didn't tell me. I'm already in DBT but that doesn't help at all, I really am despairing here. Anybody? Help?



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Old 06-11-2008, 07:25 AM   #1015
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What are you focusing on in DBT, and why doesn't it seem to be helping? What might help, Scabette?

Anya, I can understand how much of a relief that would be.

Just thinking out loud here...
I'm confused, as I'm a mix of a bundle of pd's. Mainly Avoidant, Dependent and Borderline. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe Complex PTSD does really fit better than my mix of pd traits...
Plus I don't have an 'official' pd diagnosis. Depression - alongside anxiety and 'other problems' '[as the psychiatrist put it - "depression, anxiety, panic attacks and other problems due to things that happened to you in your past"] is what's on paper, medically.
I guess if I was that intensely borderline, it would have showed up enough to appear in my medical diagnosis? Even though my therapist and I talk about borderline symptoms.... maybe I don't have it that bad? I don't really do impulsive [except when faced with a PTSD trigger] and have very few relationships because I don't seek relationships because of fears of rejection, seeing myself as bad etc. I do have dissociation, paranoia and borderline psychosis.
Hmmm.

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Old 06-11-2008, 01:50 PM   #1016
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My CPN came over today, as i saw her manager on thursday as..i wasn't impressed with the way my CPN had been "treating" me recently.
Anyway. Basically, i've been diagnosed with BPD. She brought a bunch of information round today and said her/my GP/her manager are 99% sure i have BPD, and at my CPA meeting in the next few weeks the psychiatrist will just ask me a few questions and apparently put a stamp of approval (er..) on my notes.

Bare in mind this has been going on for many years, so i feel very..weird getting this diagnosis. Even more so that when we went through one of the sheets given to her, everything on it just summed me up.

But now i've come here, and read people saying that they don't get taken seriously because they have BPD - i'm crapping it even more.

I'm already feeling shocked/anxious/afraid about my diagnosis. For the past 2 years the diagnosis has been severe depression/anxiety disorder, but these are apparently symptoms of BPD. My anti-depressants (11 meds, to be exact) haven't worked, which means moving onto anti-psychotics after i've seen the psychiatrist/had the CPA meeting.

Now i'm worrying that now i have BPD i won't be taken seriously. Now i'm worrying that now i have a diagnosis they will be shot of me.

I'm so far gone it's not even funny anymore. The only reason they all flapped about taking me so seriously is because my GP was so desperate in the belief i would end my life without telling anyone.

Damnit.
****. I don't want BPD.
I don't even know who i bloody am anymore.
So confused :/

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Old 06-11-2008, 02:01 PM   #1017
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When I was intially diagnosed with BPD it was a huge weight off my mind to finally know what was wrong. Then I felt like utter **** because I had a personality disorder, something was wrong with everything that made me who I was.

Then I slowly learn that in my own experience, having a label of BPD means people are quick to write me off as manipulative and playing up, when before I had the BPD diagnosis they were concerned.

I think me and my team are slowly finding our feet with each other and they ARE taking me more seriously now. I think it takes time to learn to deal with what a BPD diagnosis actually means.



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Old 06-11-2008, 02:13 PM   #1018
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i still feel the same way, like my personality is ****ed up, and my flatmates really dont help at times when they point out im acting in a certain way and i dont see that i am.

But there is little you can do about the diagnosis except get on with your life and not dwell on it





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Old 06-11-2008, 02:15 PM   #1019
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Mmmm. For the past 2 years i've wanted nothing more than a diagnosis. Depression is so widespread, it's like..everyone seems to have it, it wasn't "grounded" enough for me.
And without even asking, or realising, i've been given a BPD diagnosis.

And like you, to begin with, when i was told about it last Thursday i felt somewhat relieved.
Now i just feel frightened, and i haven't felt like that in a long long time. I don't even know WHO i am, or, what parts of me are me, what parts of me are BPD..etc..etc..

It's very early days. I'm not sure what i feel at the moment. My heads all mushed and screwed up.
I feel all scared and anxious, because i don't exactly know WHAT direction to take now.

I'll leave now before i ramble on for england. heh. Sorry for invading everyones space :/ Didn't want to draw attention to myself by making a whole new thread.
xx

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Old 06-11-2008, 02:18 PM   #1020
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But there is little you can do about the diagnosis except get on with your life and not dwell on it
Well, as i've suffered with this for years and not even known about it, to get a diagnosis it isn't as simple as accept it and getting on with it.
It's a MASSIVE shock to the system to be told you have a personality disorder. This past two years i've reached rock bottom with 3 near fatal suicide attempts, agoraphobia, where i don't leave the house for months on end, self harm, dissociation, extremely bad insomnia..

I have nothing to just "get on with" because i don't know enough about what's going on to just accept it.

Sorry to sound pissy like, but your comment didn't exactly come across in the most understanding of ways.

If people can accept it and get on with it..good for them. However, not everyone is like that.

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