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Old 09-06-2009, 06:50 PM   #2001
ThinkingofRecovery
 
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Left In the Centre - *echoes Laura* - what would help for you to show that they are listening to you?

Warning - long post:

I met my new care-co-ordinator today, she’s a social worker. We had a bit of a chat about some of my harming, drinking, etc so that she could start to understand how it works/operates for me. I told her that I feel as though there is no way forward due to rejection from the psychotherapy service. Guess what, there are some options, which we are going to talk to psych about at appt in 2 weeks.

She said that although she won’t put me on the list for psychotherapy in my local area (2 year wait), but she could get the head of the local psychology services to assess me to see whether he could recommend individual psychotherapy. If he believes it would be safe enough, she could then refer me to a local women’s centre where there is a 3 month wait for individual psychotherapy. She asked me whether my old cpn had mentioned the women’s centre – duh, no!

If he has concerns re safety, another way forward would be a local TC, which is just 1 day a week. She said she has referred a few people to it and that it is made up mainly of people diagnosed with a personality disorder. She is going to ask the psych if it would be suitable. If it is, it would be a way of me moving forward and maybe getting to the point where individual psychotherapy would be possible.

Apparently, the people she has referred to there in the past had similar concerns to me re groups etc but that although the first few weeks there were really difficult as they settled into the group, they have all benefitted from it. In addition, with it only being 1 day a week, I am hoping, if it does come to this that work will accept a cut in my hours to allow me to attend. If I am referred, the referral process literally takes about 3 weeks.

She has worked with people like me before and said that she doesn’t hold to the usual “strict boundaries” for people with pds. I didn’t quite know what she meant at the time but perhaps that is why my old cpn was constantly just saying the same things over and over – they were the boundaries

So, it seems that there may be a way forward and she understood that leaving me until some uncertain time in the future when I may be suitable for individual psychotherapy is not a satisfactory state and so need to do something to get me to that point. It’s a relief that I’m hopefully not going to be left in this state of limbo.

Finally, my psych has now resigned. So, my outpatient appt in a couple of weeks will be with the crisis team psych who I have been under before and who I had no problem with, so hopefully something will be suggested or decided on.



"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13

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Old 09-06-2009, 07:41 PM   #2002
Left in the centre
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im really glad theres a way forward for you. and that your care-co-ordinator is helping you thats fab to hear :) .


-
I just want them to say are u at risk? or not blame my exams or brush it under the carpet like oh here she goes again because thats what my friends do.



A tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte


The pain
You wake to is not yours
-
Sylvia Plath



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Old 09-06-2009, 07:44 PM   #2003
ThinkingofRecovery
 
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Maybe they are checking how at risk you are by less direct questions? Have you tried to explain to them that you feel they are "brushing it under the carpet"? I know the latter can be incredibly difficult.



"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13

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Old 09-06-2009, 11:19 PM   #2004
Left in the centre
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no never told them. i cant. i hate critising people.
im hopefully going to explain it better tomorrow.
i dont want to feel this way. i cant keep on going working through the depression to just fall back into it. its too hard



A tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte


The pain
You wake to is not yours
-
Sylvia Plath



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Old 10-06-2009, 01:19 AM   #2005
whirlpools
 
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good luck tomorrow xxx

i didn't go to the preview for my End of Year Show today (last night). i'm just at the end of a Foundation Art course. the Show is like an exhibition that you invite your family and friends to and show them your work which is displayed on the wall.

i didn't even tell anyone it was on. i couldn't face it. the social situation, and the awful things the Controllers had been saying about my work. i couldn't stand to look at it, and didn't want anyone else to. my psychiatrist and everyone were telling me to go today (yesterday). i wish i could have... i'd been looking forward to it so much... it's been a really chaotic year. *sigh*.

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Old 10-06-2009, 07:13 AM   #2006
Left in the centre
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you got through a chaotic year and actually its ok that you couldnt go because you thought about it and made a rational decision.
its not the end of the world, sure it would have been nice but you can only do things at your own pace
x



A tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte


The pain
You wake to is not yours
-
Sylvia Plath



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Old 10-06-2009, 07:19 PM   #2007
whirlpools
 
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thanks, Left in the centre :) how was today?

on another note, am i the only one with BPD who doesn't experience manic/high mood?

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Old 10-06-2009, 07:22 PM   #2008
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I don't have bpd, officially speaking, but it's been discussed in therapy, that I have symptoms of it [as many people do.]
I don't get mania/high mood. Never have done.

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Old 10-06-2009, 08:32 PM   #2009
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i sort of get very agitated and distressed sometimes... it's "high" in some ways... but not combined with high mood.

does anyone else think that people use the word "borderline" to describe people negatively sometimes? i just get upset on occasions where people describe someone's behaviour as "so borderline" (whether they have a diagnosed BPD or not) usually when the person is displaying attention-seeking or manipulative behaviours, or others that are uncomfy. truth is, a lot of people are attention-seeking and manipulative whether they have BPD or not. it just upsets me because people don't tend to go around describing someone as "so bipolar" or "so depressive".

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Old 10-06-2009, 10:17 PM   #2010
Left in the centre
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i never used to get highs.
then i got them every 6 / 8 months they l;asted 15 mins then they've started developing again.
but dont forget we dont all experience the same symptoms.

-
therapy was terrible she asked why i hate my dad
she didnt pick up on me trying to tell her how bad things have been or about my flashbacks. eurgh i seriously dont see the point



A tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte


The pain
You wake to is not yours
-
Sylvia Plath



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Old 10-06-2009, 11:02 PM   #2011
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hey - i'm new to this thread (and ryl in general). i'm bipolar and bpd. but I don't really get truly manic in the traditional sense (to answer the question posted above) so . . . . no. . . . you're not alone.



I was merely a prune
In a box of raisins
Dried and shriveled
Like all the rest. . . . .
Yet different somehow.


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Old 10-06-2009, 11:10 PM   #2012
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I dont get highs at all. As for using the word borderline, ive never heard it being used like that before.

left - Sometimes you just have to be blunt and tell them because most of the time people dont pick up hints that you give them. I know its so much more eaiser to drop hints than to say.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 10-06-2009, 11:11 PM   #2013
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and i'm with you, Left in the Centre, on the frustrating therapy thing. Half the time I feel like I'm speaking English and my therapist is listening in Greek. But then I figure that maybe the important thing is the reflection it causes for me. She sometimes does say things that cause me to stop and think and every once in a while a puzzle piece falls into place. But literally every time I leave there thinking "I'm never going back. There's no point!" Then I eventually calm down. And after a little more time my rational mind kicks in again and I can see why it is good for me. And I drag myself back again. A vicious cycle. But compared to where I was before I started, I know that it has helped.



I was merely a prune
In a box of raisins
Dried and shriveled
Like all the rest. . . . .
Yet different somehow.


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Old 10-06-2009, 11:13 PM   #2014
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^ i used to have therapy like that. it was so hard, but in the end i came away better and much more insightful. even now, 3 years since we finished, i'm realising things that my therapist did to help me and understanding them better - just like the puzzle falling into place, like you mentioned.

welcome to the thread.

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Old 10-06-2009, 11:33 PM   #2015
what_the?
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Guys, this is probably a stupid question, but, how did you cope when you were first diagnosed? I only ask this because I'm really struggling, and it feels almost like having a diagnosis has made everything worse.

I hope you are all okay.





"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."




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Old 10-06-2009, 11:38 PM   #2016
whirlpools
 
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i actually can't remember :( it was a relief to me to have the diagnosis because i had experienced five terrible years in services without one and was utterly confused about what was going on.

what is it that feels worse?

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Old 10-06-2009, 11:47 PM   #2017
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I agree a little bit to feeling better about having a diagnosis. Because it made sense and up until then everything just felt confusing and a lot of self-hate for doing the things I do (which I still have, but at least I understand better now). But I felt better b/c I felt there was hope. I didn't feel alone in it. I felt like it wasn't all my fault and it wasn't all things I was doing "bad". I also felt worse. I felt/feel the need to hide it. I feel like the I get treated like I'm a convict on parole when I haven't done anything wrong. A lot of mixed feelings, I guess I'm saying. But I think that's normal. What do you find the most troublesome?



I was merely a prune
In a box of raisins
Dried and shriveled
Like all the rest. . . . .
Yet different somehow.


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Old 10-06-2009, 11:47 PM   #2018
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I also don't really get any highs.

To be honest I was the same - my diagnosis made me worse and it was followed by me running away, buying tablets etc. because I thought that I'd never get better and I was a bad person because it was my personality that was wrong. However for some reason which I've never seemed to work out, I didn't actually carry out the suicide attempt and at my next psych appointment they suggested me going into a therapeutic community (never happened) and that gave me hope to keep trying. I still found it hard and I tried to deny it even though I knew I did have it really. However over the last year I've realised that it's not actually any worse than anything else and I find it helpful to have an explanation for the way I am. Also talking to my psychologist I've come to see that it's not actually that I'm bad for having a personality disorder but each of my symptoms can be explained and understood by what I've been through. It's taken time to accept my diagnosis though.

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Old 10-06-2009, 11:48 PM   #2019
what_the?
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Thanks for replying. I can't really describe it. I feel like the confusion that I had about not having a diagnosis has just turned into sheer fear and confusion about what to do now, about where to turn. I just feel a little bit like everything's been pulled from under me. That sounds really melodramatic, but I'm just really scared and I feel like it's something I've caused myself, and because I don't know a lot about BPD I've got so much to take in, and yeah, I'm just terrified.





"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."




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Old 10-06-2009, 11:50 PM   #2020
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*hugs* I understand. I've sent you a couple of links that you might find helpful. Maybe you could talk to your psych about what treatment options there are?

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