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Old 01-06-2020, 11:36 AM   #1
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It has been four years now since I ended a relationship with S (after which, I even dated someone else, M, a really good friend now, in fact) and I still have nagging, overwhelming thoughts about S. I don't feel genuine in my skin, and these thoughts have ruined my next relationship and my friendship with M. I feel like I can't care about M the same way I did about S, but I don't know what it feels like to care anymore. Its like my body and myself is telling me that I just don't care about M, and everytime we have a fight and M asks me if I really do care, I can't even say yes. What am I doing? M is still hurting, and he is still trying to be there for me, and all I can think about are thoughts that nag me about S, about the what if's, because according to one version of it in my head, that relationship really made me "feel". I don't tryst myself with it, I don't trust myself with the anxiety of it around me. I ended up digging a hole to the post by asking S questions, and reopening old thoughts and S told me he's not over me, and now the "what if's" don't stop. And it's like my entire time in between with M vanished. How can that happen? How can I just care that less? I don't understand how much of this is anxiety, and how much of this is emotion. This is a bit of a ramble, but yeah, pretty much. Sorry

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Old 10-06-2020, 08:07 PM   #2
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No need to be sorry! I hope it helped a little to get it out. Are these thoughts that you've verbalised to anyone?

Just so that I know what you're working with, do you think having a relationship with S is something that you want to consider, or is getting back with him completely off the cards?

We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult

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