I'm currently receiving treatment for a frozen shoulder (basically can't move it) but am really struggling to do all the physio exercises 2 to 3 times a day... partially because I find it so hard to ask for help and also because I don't think I deserve the help or to feel better.
I know this might sound weird and trivial but by not doing the exercises it means I can prolong the discomfort and feels like it's a sort of self harm In a way.
I've only got a limited number of physio sessions for free so want to make the most of them and want to return to normal as quick as possible but depending on who I'm talking to (3 months from the consultant to 2 years from the physio lady) I feel increasingly pressured to be proactive and help myself as much as possible. Helping myself does not come naturally to me... so I'm struggling to get into a new routine of doing these exercises. Even when I stop seeing the physio I might need to be doing these exercises every day forever.
And now that I have professional involved it's just made the pressure worse. I don't want to fail them, don't want to see them longer than I need to and it's just adding to the whole stress of feeling broken and not good enough because work are now involved and telling me what I can and can't do.
I have to admit this is a slightly drunken post and I will have to go back and correct typos but it's just an added complication to everything and feels so much harder to achieve than if I didn't have any other issues at the same time.
I lied to the occupational health lady today when she asked about mental well-being and sleep patterns and appetite... That's not what I was being assessed for so I said it was all fine... but in reality it's not and it's all linked and making this so much harder than it should be.
Part of me wanted to scream at the lady and say I don't sleep well at all, I struggle to feed myself properly and that it's a small miracle that I make it out the house every day, that I cut and drink because it's a brief escape from being me. But all that would come back to my managers and I would rather DIE than admit that I'm not coping with life. I can''t let that happen...
So... I'm drunk on a work night (it's only fucking Tuesday) and need to be awake again in 3 hours and take a deep breath and carry on pretending everything is ok. This whole shoulder thing has maybe taken it one step too far.
I think there was meant to be a question in there somewhere of how to manage this or about how to get into a new physio routine but it's just turned into a ranting woe-is-me sort of post instead.
I'm so sorry things are difficult for you NP. It all sounds so distressing and painful, both emotionally and physically. I can relate to not thinking you deserve help etc, my situation with my knees isn't as bad as your shoulder but I am supposed to do exercises and I don't partly as a passive form of self harm. I have printed out a calendar for the month and put a sticker on the days that I do my exercises, I don't know if that would be useful for you at all. Maybe you could try to re-frame things as doing what you're being asked to do rather than it being about helping yourself, but I would hope that in time you'd feel better about being kind to yourself. This isn't even really about being kind, no one should be in pain if it can be eased or whatever.
I wish you would be honest with someone about everything that is going on for you, but I know you have spoken about how difficult that is before. You don't need to be completely alone with all of this.
I know my reply isn't that helpful so apologies for that, I'm not sure what you might need from a reply but know that we are here for you in whatever small way we can be and we can understand at least some of the things you go through.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Sorry if this is a dumb question, but if doing the exercises two to three times a day isn't possible, is there a way to try to aim to just do them one time a day and see if that feels any different? Maybe a compromise of sorts in a harm reduction kind of sense?
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Thanks Lindsay. I don't think a chart would help me particularly, I'd just stop doing it! What is usually a good incentive for me though is that my physiotherapist would be upset, disappointed or angry with me... but also I will be seeing her less and less and the treatment will mostly be me having to push myself and work at it all on my own. I am making small improvements and she hasn't said she's expecting more of an improvement by now. The thing is as well, is that my shoulder doesn't hurt any more as I'm now in the second stage where it's pain free but just frozen... and it's the exercises that actually make it hurt, but it's not nice pain, if that makes sense. Also knowing that this will fix itself after a couple of years so my lazy mind is saying I'll just wait it out.
Also, thanks Auror - it's not a dumb question. I am making small improvements and have mostly been doing them just once a day. My physio was pleased when I told her that I sometimes didn't manage to do them 2-3 times a day but had done them every day, so she was pleased with that but obviously more often would be better. That only happened in the first week though.
I can see why it's hard to do your exercises, on top of not really wanting to take care of yourself, because of the pressure etc. That must be really tough to work against because you feel there are so many negatives to doing the exercises properly. You've not mentioned the pros and cons of doing the exercises regularly there though...they might not just be the opposite of what you see as the pros and cons of waiting it out.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Hi NP, its probably a bit freaky having a stranger bump your thread.... but I kind of relate to your stuff and having got out of my family's big wedding, really feel for you going to the States for your sister's 'do'. I really hope the trees make it all worthwhile - you're really brave...
It's not freaky, I appreciate the comment. I'm sorry you relate though.
I've been a bit lax on the shoulder exercise front lately (hoping to get into more of a routine while on holiday) and although I have made big improvements since this original.post, I still struggle and find it hard to think that it will never actually be completely fixed. According to the physio I can expect about 90% movement but that still seems like a long way off.
We leave for Vegas tomorrow. I hope the trees are worth it too. =)