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Old 22-07-2013, 05:21 PM   #1
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Lack of boundaries

Or maybe even just really good, firm boundaries in therapy

I have had both and I definitely know that the lack of boundaries has definitely caused me a lot of problems that has lead to me having to work through a whole new set of issues to work through, even causing me to have to put other major issues on the back burner to work through the issues a lack of boundaries caused

I don't find many people who have had issues with a lack of boundaries in therapy but I was wondering if there is anyone else who has? I think someone once told me that they did but I can't remember who. I think it is such a unique situation and one that some people even admire because they just don't understand the damage it can cause so having others who can relate could be beneficial

Also, how about people who have had good, strong boundaries in therapy, do you feel that has been helpful?

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Old 22-07-2013, 11:26 PM   #2
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boundaries is something that everyone finds helpful in different ways, some people find it easier with less boundries and some people find it better with strict boundaries.
i have staff support where i live and some staff use different levels of boundaries if that makes sense. i find it easier when i have more boundaries in place otherwise it can make me feel like i am growing to attatched personally to people if that makes sense.

is it with anyone in particular that you have lack of boundaries with?

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Old 22-07-2013, 11:56 PM   #3
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Sorry, I will clarify with an example

In my lack of boundaries relationship that has caused me issues, it was with my counselor in residential and when I say lack of boundaries, I basically mean there was none. I went to her house, spent quite a bit of time with her family, I at one point was supposed to go on vacation with her but then didn't get to because I ended up in the medical hospital, I slept in her office quite often, she stayed with me in the hospital a great deal and sleeping there with me wasn't unusual, I could continue on.

That is what I mean by a lack of boundaries, I hope that helps clarify

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Old 23-07-2013, 12:36 AM   #4
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Your situation sounds very similar to mine and I am so sorry that you had to go through the pain of that loss.

With my situation, the only reason it ended was because I did something bad and it had to end. Actually, I still have contact with her, I'm just not in the program any longer and have seen how unhealthy it is so the relationship has just weakened for a variety of reasons. With Beverly (my most current therapist) she has really strong boundaries and says that she keeps them because that's how she feel she can help me most. I think I agree with her

With the one that I lacked boundaries with, I actually still have facebook conversations with her where she calls me her counselor because she was stressed about something and I was counseling her about it. I really didn't mind, I liked feeling wanted and the plan was that I would either move in with her and her family, or I would move near them. The plan was never that the relationship would end. In fact, once on the way home from the hospital after I had a major thing happen (I got amnesia because of a medication I was on) she told me she had feared I was gone and that she was never going to see "my girl" again, she told me that she planned to be in my life for a very long time and that she hoped I planned for the same thing. At the time it felt like the most loving and wonderful thing I had ever been told, it felt like someone finally cared about me

I want to make it clear that my treatment counselor really is a great person and I whole heartedly think she had my best interest at heart. I think we bonded through some pretty unusual circumstances and that lead to the relationship we had. The relationship was never romantic in any way, it was more like a mother daughter relationship. In fact, that's what she used to tell me, that she thought of me as her daughter. Even after I left the program and she wasn't supposed to speak to me for six months, she did. She was careful not to overdo it but she did talk to me and that shows me that she really did care, at least I think it does. I recognize how unhealthy that relationship was, but that doesn't mean I don't still care about her a lot

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Old 24-07-2013, 06:46 PM   #5
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I saw a counsellor a few years ago who had flimsy boundaries. I loved it. She would text me between sessions to see how I was. I quickly jumped on to this care and wanted more and more and more of it. Of course once she realised the boundaries had completely gone badly wrong, she would try to put the boundaries back in. I felt this was an abandonment, so unfortunately I pushed even harder. I ended up lying to her, basically to get her attention and keep her care there for me.

It all ended horrifically as my lies spiralled out of control. I am now in therapy where I've been honest about all this and my therapist is aware of my attachment issues as well as the need for boundaries. I do think that while, at first, I loved my ex counsellors lack of boundaries it did leave me with more stuff to work on, as you say. I'm not in any way excusing what I did - believe me, I feel awful about the lies I told and things I did, but I do now appreciate good boundaries.


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Old 25-07-2013, 08:19 AM   #6
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I've got problems with boundaries which i'm am working on with my therapist.
Are you asking exclusively withing a therapist/client relationship or boundaries reaching out to friends and family?
My boundaries are impeded on by family. My therapist is having to guide me through and re-teach me what boundaries are. It's difficult. Confusing. I often have to go over it and over it till it sticks. It is a like a child learning all over again.

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Old 25-07-2013, 10:40 PM   #7
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Boundaries are so difficult but so so important.

I've recently started working within a CMHT as a peer support worker which means that I use my experience to help others. It does mean that boundaries are slacker BUT I am fully aware that my client is my client and so when I share experiences I make sure they are relevant to the situation eg today my client was talking about hospital and I added my experience to the mix which worked.

It has been funny though because my relationship with my care team has changed but despite this I know there role and that they aren't my friend even if I see them in a work capacity.

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Old 28-07-2013, 04:27 AM   #8
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It depends on the situation every situation is different. Some times having no boundaries is okay and not bad. Of course its going to hurt if you had no boundaries with a mental health professional and they leave you. I personally don't like boundaries and I don't even like saying the word it just seems silly we are all humans we connect with one another we are supposed to care about other people and lift them up and love them. So what im saying it depends on the situation sometime sits bad other times its not. Like I have a relationship with my psych he emails me back and only texts me sometimes not a lot and he really cares about me and has called me beautiful and asked if we want to meet for coffee but never happened. . He doesn't say too much about his family though to me. So for me my relationship with him is going good so far.

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Old 28-07-2013, 06:52 AM   #9
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Lauri don't you have a whole 34 page thread on how your lack of understanding on how important boundaries are and how it's only hurting you not helping you.

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Old 28-07-2013, 11:22 AM   #10
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Ive frequently had professionals break boundries.....almost like a role reversal?
My current therapist I like because he has never tried to cross the line and I appreciate that, since its supposed to be to help me not for me to help him

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Old 01-08-2013, 05:16 PM   #11
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I had a therapist with very strict boundaries and that worked well for us. I think I'd have done badly if she hadn't been strict with me. My current CC keeps trying to take me for coffee and I always decline because it just feels odd. I also know she has 2 kids and stuff and I don't really like it. I'd rather things just be kept professional.

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