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Old 05-08-2012, 02:43 AM   #1
awake_and_unafraid
john smith
 
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Recovery, relapsing and relationships... :c

I was in 'recovery' for a long time, roughly 3 months.. I didn't count as it triggered me more but then yesterday I relapsed... It was only small, a few scratches on my upper arms, but I still feel as though I've failed myself.
It was all because of this boy, who I've had feelings for for roughly a year, but he lives far away, yet I managed to fall for him through Skype calls and texting. My best friend said he made it apparent that he liked me too, so a few days ago I decided to tell him... It appears he doesn't feel the same, which hurt me, more than I thought anything could ever hurt me. Then last night it hit me how badly he'd lied to me, he told me I was perfect, that he loved me, that I was beautiful.. He's completely destroyed my trust... I was completely hysterical and that's when I remembered the only way that I could calm myself, and I did it, I cut. I was completely hysterical and although they were only small, I regretted it hugely, I don't want to fall into those bad habits again. But realising how badly he used me and lied to me made want to throw up, and I never did. I just don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm going to talk to my counsellor about it on Wednesday but until then I'm not sure what to do. If anyone can just help me on what to do, I'd appreciate it... He hasn't even spoken to me since. I've lost my best friend as well as the boy I'm in love with. Also please don't say "forget about him" because I don't want to, he's the boy I love and who is perfect for me. I know it sounds ridiculous and petty but it's killing me on the inside.
Thanks, guys. ♥

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Old 05-08-2012, 10:16 AM   #2
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Hey,

Firstly I am sorry that this person hurt you so much. It can take time to move on from hurt like that, so try to be kind to yourself. Maybe spend some time with people who care about you, and just take it easy while the hurt heals.

With cutting, well done for your 3 months. Its great that you don't want to continue to hurt yourself. It may help to read this article which is about slip ups and recovery. Its normal to have bumps along the road, but you sound determined so I have no doubt you will be able to resist selg harming again.

Take care, x



"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier."
Paulo Coelho


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Old 05-08-2012, 06:05 PM   #3
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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It can be incredibly hard when we find out that people don't have the same kind of feelings towards us as we have about them, however these things do happen and hard as they are we do survive them and move forward.

I would try not to let this ruin the friendship you have together, even if he doesn't want a relationship with you there's a fair chance you can still have a positive, solid friendship despite one party not taking it any further.

Well done on managing not to cut for so long, maybe try seeing this slip up, as just that, a slip up, and let yourself move on from it and cope in a more constructive way.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 05-08-2012, 09:23 PM   #4
awake_and_unafraid
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He hasn't spoken to me in 3 days now, since I told him, it seems as though I should have kept my feelings to myself.
I'm trying my best to get over him and I think I'll be able to do it, in time.
I am only seeing this as a slip up, in hopes I won't return to those habits.



"You've decided that the Universe is better off without you. But the Universe doesn't agree." - River Song

"Don’t hold back; be what you are and don’t be ashamed of it." - Gerard Way



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Old 06-08-2012, 10:47 AM   #5
Buttons.
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I'm sorry to hear that he's not speaking to you at the moment, I can imagine that would be hurtful but it does seem you are dealing with it in a mature manner, and it's good that you can regard this as a slip up and try and move on.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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