I don't think I'm coping too well. I feel so stressed and overwhelmed. I've been reasonably stressed about stuff for a while but have been managing it fine. At the moment it all feels too much though. I'm getting really anxious.
Work is tough at the moment. Not because of the job itself. But we're really short staffed, as usual. And there's a lot of tension. And everyone else has valid reasons they can't do extra shifts etc, so that leaves me. I know that it isn't *just* my responsibility, I know I can say no. But I can't. Because we're such a small team and we need to be able to keep the service going.
I've applied to go back to uni next year. I've had three interviews so far and have had offers from each of them, I have two more interviews next week. I really do want to do this and I am really happy that I have places. Even just the application process has been stressful though. I'm scared of changing things. I want to, I want to move forward, and most of the time I think I can. But I'm scared because at the moment (most of the time) I'm doing okay. I have little wobbles but it's been ages since I've been actually unwell. I'm scared of changing things in case that changes. But I do want to. But then, if I'm getting all stressed as it is, am I being stupid to want to go and do a stressful course leading to a stressful career?
I had a health check the other week and got called into my GP about the ECG result. I've been referred for further tests now, but just routine, not urgent, and I know it's probably nothing to worry about. I'm not really too concerned. But I do get chest pain and palpitations, I'm 99.999% sure it's just anxiety but now whenever it happens I'm like zomg I'm dying. I was stalking my online medical record today as you do, and saw that my blood test results have come through too. There's a bunch of things wrong. After googling (I know, I know! Consulting Dr Google is a terrible idea!) it appears that a couple of them can indicate cancer. So now I'm worried I have cancer. I know I'm being silly. I don't think they're even concerned because it hasn't been flagged up in the letter with the other things. I guess my GP will contact me sometime about those things and I can always ask. I know I turn into a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes when I'm anxious in general!
I'm coming off my AD at the moment. My CC thought it wasn't the right time but I want to try. I don't know if maybe that is contributing to the anxiety and tearfulness. Not because I'm depressed but I suppose it is a change for my brain to get used to! I want to come off medication completely. It's not healthy, is it? Physically I mean. I've put on so much weight since being on lithium. Don't get me wrong, I was overweight to start with, I'm not blameless here! But I never really went above x weight and now I have put on so much weight on top of that. I know there's lifestyle changes I need to make. I know, I know. But I hate taking meds. It gets harder to take them when I'm anxious to start with. I can sit for ages trying to make myself do it.
I'm really anxious at the moment. I'm trying really hard to manage it. Trying to do mindfulness and have a good routine and everything. I'm not doing that well, though. I'm still anxious. I'm finding it hard to regulate my sleep and stuff. I wake up feeling like I can't breathe, or I wake up with voices talking around me. But then today I had a day off and somehow slept all day, oops.
I feel overwhelmed and like I can't manage life. The worst thing is, I know it's all just normal, everyday life stuff and I 'should' be able to manage without feeling this overwhelmed.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
It's natural to be scared of change but I believe you can do it. I believe uni will be a positive move for you but the prospect, the interviews and not knowing is going to cause some stressful wobbly moments and that's ok.
Coming of your meds might also be contributing to how your feeling and will hopefully even out soon. I don't have any suggestions there. Just keep an eye on it and keep the dialog between you and your cc.
Also keep up with the mindfulness etc. I really hope it starts to help soon
You've got this xx
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I can't add much to the excellent advice given above, but I wanted to say I've read and am sending hugs!
You've come such a long way from when I first started to get to know you and I think this next adventure is going to be excellent for you :) It's not at all stupid to be going for it despite being stressed about it. I think it's natural to be anxious about a big change and that doesn't mean you're not ready for it.
I'm not doing that well. Things have been so, so stressful at work. I was really close to just handing my notice in, but I didn't and it's a bit better now. I had the offers from all the unis I applied to and have accepted one of them. I hope that it will be okay. I have to try, anyway.
I do feel less stressed about that stuff. But I feel low. And tired. I keep crying. I don't know why. I hope maybe it's just because I've been so stressed and it'll even out. I'm scared it's more than that. I hate this.
Still quite anxious about my health. I know it's silly. Have appointment booked for echocardiogram and GP appointment booked to discuss bloods though I keep having to rearrange that haha. But hopefully after that I'll feel more reassured. My wisdom tooth is infected and I'm supposed to take antibiotics but I can't swallow them (they're too big lol). I know it's silly and I know it's just anxiety that's stopping me. I wish I wasn't such an anxious person!
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Im glad some of the work stress has disappeared. Well done for sticking it out. I understand about being scared about your health. Pls try not to cancel the next appointment. Health should always come before work, although I know how overly stressful telling whoever that you need time off for a Drs appointment.
Have you spoken to your cc about how you are feeling? Do you feel maybe being on a (smaller) dose if your anti d for awhile might help? Maybe you came of them to fast? I'd definitely try and see what your cc says though.
I hope your tooth feels better soon too.
*sending lots of hugs your way*
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I am actually still taking a really low dose of my AD, I haven't come off it completely yet. Monday will be the last day and then I'll be off it. I don't think it will make too much of a difference, I'm taking such a low dose now (venlafaxine 37.5mg) that I doubt it's actually doing anything anyway. I saw my CC the other week, she was great, but I mostly just cried at her about work stuff. I'll try and contact her on Monday and arrange another appointment. I feel a bit worried about talking to her about not feeling tip top in case I need my team to say I'm okay for uni. Though I'm sure they would anyway as I generally do cope pretty well these days and I know being open is the sensible thing to do.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I'm glad your CC was great and that you know that being open is the sensible thing to do!
With regards to the antibiotics, are they capsules or tablets? Maybe with a pill slicer you could get them small enough to swallow, or you could ask a pharmacist about alternate options.
They're capsules unfortunately. I still haven't taken them and I'm sure being in so much pain with my stupid tooth isn't helping my mood. I need to stop being such an idiot.
I think I'm going to stick it out at work for as long as I can - a few more months anyway. It is really bad at the moment but it's good to have regular money coming in.
Things are getting worse. I feel so, so low. I keep thinking about self harm. Which I won't. I won't. Lots of thoughts though. I just feel dreadful and like this is never going to stop.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Ahh how have you gone this long with a tooth infection. Please start taking them, it definitely won't be helping your mood. Being in pain is miserable.
What is making it difficult? Is there anything you can do to make it easier?
I'm sorry to hear you are still feeling really bad. You know it does/will get better at some point because you've been here before and you got through it. I know it's a lot easier said than done but try to remind yourself of that.
Are you seeing cc or Drs any time soon? Have you managed to arranged your ecg etc?
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
What's your pill-swallowing technique- water first or pill first? If the latter, perhaps trying the former would be an option, as that way you don't feel it on your tongue, which is probably a big reminder of the size of it. I hope that makes sense and I don't just sound like I'm barking mad!
As your mood is getting really low, would you consider going back on the velafaxine?
I haven't tried that Jenna, I'll give it a go. It did make sense!
I know it will get better. But then it will get worse again. I shouldn't complain really, the past year has been pretty stable with only a couple of small blips, and this is probably just a combination of meds change and stressful circumstances. But I am so, so tired of it. I know I cope better than I used to but it is still just so ****ing hard.
I don't really want to go back on the venlafaxine but I would if I had to. When I saw the psych before he said that if I did have any issues he'd prefer to increase the lithium and see if that helps before going back on an AD. Which is fine. I definitely had more side effects from the venlafaxine than I do with lithium so if he does decide to do that hopefully it will help. I don't know. I really do need to go for that blood test!
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Just because things aren't as hard as a previous time or because you are more able to deal with things now doesn't mean you're not allowed to be upset by it and want things to be easier.
I'm glad there's an option with the lithium before you have to consider the venlafaxine. Is the blood test something that someone is sorting for you or do you need a nudge to sort it?
It is hard, it is good that things have generally been more stable recently. One thing I often find is that people don't necessarily recognise that staying well is hard work too, it is then hard to keep up the momentum when things go awry.
I'm glad there is a plan, have you managed to get your lithium levels tested?
I finally went for my blood test! Lithium has been increased, and I have been good about taking it. I feel slightly better mood-wise though I doubt that the increase will have made much difference yet.
My anxiety is still through the roof though. I honestly am at a loss about how to deal with it, I'm doing everything I can think of that helps. I know what's causing it (work) but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I'm really anxious all the time, I feel like I can't breathe, it's horrible. I saw my CC today and she was lovely as usual. She said the psych isn't in for the next week or she would ask him for something to help with anxiety or sleep. She suggested asking my GP instead. I made an appointment for Monday but I'm anxious about it (lol), I think I might cancel. They've never been willing to touch my meds and last time I asked (well I didn't my team did) I was told there is no point because I have long term issues and need to find other ways to cope. I'm not saying I think medication is the answer, I don't, but I do not know what else I can do at the moment.
Work is really really awful. I can't talk about it here in any detail. But I am really struggling with it. I'm on annual leave this week but a colleague/friend has been keeping me up to date. Not knowing what's going on would be worse. I don't want to go back on Monday. Obviously I have to.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
*sending love and hugs* I'm glad your being sensible re: meds. I also understand about the anxiety surrounding going to the drs. I want to say its worth a try but I understand your concerns.
If you want to talk but don't feel able to here, PM or text me anytime.
Sorry I don't have any helpful advice.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
*hugs plus round of applause for taking medication* I'm glad you're feeling slightly better mood-wise and I hope that the increased lithium leads to further improvement.
I hope you do decide to go to your GP appointment. They could indeed say no, but they don't have a chance to say yes if you don't go! Perhaps as it's being specifically caused by a short-term (ish!) problem in this instance, they will be more willing to prescribe you something for it.
Thank you both <3 I didn't go to my GP in the end, but things have been improving so I didn't really need to.
Sorry to bump, only I'm on nights at the moment at work and it's really not agreeing with me at the moment, I've hardly had any proper sleep this week so far and for a couple of days it resulted in me being sightly on the up side, which was fine not a problem, but at the moment I am just very very agitated and exhausted and I can't sleep. I can't. Even if I do everything right I can't because there is energy zipping around under my skin and I can't stay still. I have coping skills for most things but I've never found anything that helps with this.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
