This is exactly how I feel only without the burning, I feel like shaving my head & I have long hair too, ur deffo not alone, think it's my way of displaying to everyone that I want to start my life over again, it's like putting an image on ur emotions for everyone to see, hope ur ok now *hugs* if you really need to do this please consider doing it safely without burning & risking burns to your head xxx
Thankyou to everyone for all your support. It really means a lot. And it's something that i do really need right now. So thankyou.
i would definitely say that my hair is an important part of my identity. My hair was always important to me. But having blue hair i found it has become much more a part of who i am. And i like it. Strangers will tell me that they like my hair which is always nice to hear when you're feeling rubbish about yourself. My hair's one of the only things i like about myself.
i definitely need to keep scissors away from my hair. Actually away from me in general would probably be a good idea. i can definitely see cutting off little bits of my hair getting out of hand. It's completely fine, unnoticeable at the moment. But i don't know how much longer i'm going to be able to resist this.
i'm not really sure how i feel about hospital. i think it could be what i need right now, to keep me safe and everything. But the idea is still terrifying. i'm seeing my mental health coordinator on Wednesday so i think it will probably be mentioned then.
i really feel like i need help at the moment. Struggling to cope. i think that maybe shaving my hair off would be like a signal of that to everyone. That i'm not ok. And i'm not coping. i think maybe that's why i want to do it.
Have been there too, and like you, it certainly wasn't for a 'fresh start' or anything remotely positive...like Aimee said, it was to make everything worse.
Its great you have been talking to your doc, that she knows what is happening/how you are feeling. It can be so hard to verbalize things like this, so well done!
I know hospital can seem really frightening, but a sort stay may help. I know there are a lot of horror stories of going IP, but there are many good experiences as well.
Keep talking to your care ppl. Keep talking here as well.You've been really brave to let ppl know.
Good luck
Thankyou. Really struggling at the moment. It's four days til i see the mental health coordinator. Hopefully we can sort something out. Whether or not that something's hospital. i don't really care as long as it helps. i really can't do this. But i still have my hair so i guess that's a positive. i don't know. i just need everything to stop.
i think things are getting worse. The worse things get the more i feel like cutting my hair off. And the more i feel like cutting my hair off the more i know that things are getting worse. i'm just really struggling at the moment. i don't do anything all day. The only thing i enjoy is hugs. Maybe that's silly, i just need physical contact at the moment. Just to remind me that i'm alive. And when i don't feel like i'm alive [like now] i feel more strongly that i want to cut my hair off. i guess i don't need it. i don't deserve to have hair. That's what it is. i'm not going to do it tonight. i'm not going to let myself. i'm going to keep fighting. But i feel like i'm losing.
It's not silly to want physical company and you certainly do deserve hair. Please keep going and trying to distract the thoughts - you're doing amazingly well so far. Don't give up.
Hey i'm ok. Spent the last 8 days at a crisis house because i've been feeling really suicidal but i came home today.
i still have pretty much all my hair so that's a positive. Although i do still have the desire to cut it off. It's still pretty strong. But i couldn't do it whilst i was there so it's survived.
Seeing my care coordinator on Wednesday and i should be getting some more help soon. Thinks are starting to look more positive. They don't feel more positive. But it looks like there may be hope on the horizon.
I am really glad to hear there is hope on the horizon - keep holding on! I am proud of you :) Well done on getting the support you need, keep doing all you need to get through this including distractions and reaching out here. Even though the desire is strong please keep strong, you're doing very very well.
Thankyou. It means a lot that you are proud of me. Even though i'm not sure i deserve it. But thankyou.
i have an appointment with my GP later today. And an appointment with my care coordinator tomorrow morning. And they've increased my dosage of antidepressants. Which so far has just made me feel worse but never mind.
i'm still very tempted to do this. i can't quite imagine not cutting off my hair now. Which is stupid i know, i am stupid.
i am trying to fight. i'm fighting to keep my hair. i'm fighting to believe that i deserve to keep my hair. And i'm fighting against all the other rubbish that's going on in my head at the moment. But it's really hard. This is too hard.
It's not so much stupid as a sign of how much you're struggling, but you're doing really really well to be fighting these urges in the way that you are. Would it help to think of the terrible consequences and the explaining you'd have to do if you did cut it off? Sometimes we don't picture all the consequences and the terrible feelings, but there would be lots if you cut off your hair.
Good luck with both of those appointments, I hope you can be honest about how you're feeling right now and that the medication is making you feel worse, too.
Keep it up, I meant it when I said that I was proud of you and I still am, you're doing a great job. You have come this far, don't give up.
i haven't given up yet. Although i am really struggling tonight. But i'm still hanging in there. Whilst there's still air in my lungs there's still hope i guess.
Both appointments were okay. The one with the GP was fine. She's really nice. i'm seeing her again in two weeks. She wants to see me more frequently whilst i'm feeling really bad.
Not quite so good with my care coordinator. She's not that nice which makes things harder. Didn't really manage to tell her anything [having a bad day and on bad days i struggle even more than usual with talking]. But i did mention the meds and she said to wait a while longer. It's early days yet. i'm seeing her again next week.
i will try and remember how bad it would be if i cut my hair off. My hair is one of the only things i like about myself. i don't like it that much at the moment but it's still better than the rest of me in my opinion. It's part of what makes me me.
i'm trying to remember that i don't really want to do this. i really don't. i'm just struggling a lot.
I don't think it is as unusual as you might think really. My aunt (who is an alcoholic and depressive) told me once that she was in the bath tub and knew that she either had to cut her hair or cut her wrists. She cut her hair.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
I would assume this is a form of 'self harm' in the ways of making yourself hurt yet mentally.
If you would be hurt to have your hair missing, then mayhaps. I also get the urges.
i'm not sure how common i thought it was. i mean i've never known anyone to do it. But i had heard of people doing it [for mental health reasons rather than just fashion] i asked because i didn't really know.
Yes i think that this is definitely a self harm thing. It would really hurt me. i get the urges most when i'm feeling suicidal. Because if i die then i wouldn't miss my hair.
i did it last night. Shaved all my hair off. i'm now completely bald. It felt like [as someone said] my hair or my life. Was having a really bad night for several reasons.
I cut my waist length long hair off with a pair of kitchen scissors a couple of months ago. I did not shave it but I cut it pretty damn short and not very skillfully or professionally either simply because I felt like total crap and did not know how to cope. I could not face seeing a hairdresser because of the shame I felt and since then have worn a beret or hat the whole time.
I guess at least having evenly shaven hair you could lie and say you did it for charity or something....not ideal but at least more comfortable. I thought I was the only person who did this until I went IP again and met two other girls who had done almost exactly the same thing. I don't think it is majorly uncommen, it is just one of those things though that don't get reported to the same extent as cutting/burning/overdosing etc.
Yeah, i'm going to keep my head covered at least until it's a couple of inches long. Apart from anything else it's very cold not having hair. But mostly i guess i'm ashamed. There's no way i could go out in public like this. i don't want people to see.
i definitely think it helps to know that i'm not the only person. Makes me feel much less like a freak.
i never plan on even cutting my hair again. i don't want to be back in this place ever. There was an incident with a "friend" that night that just pushed me over the edge. Feels like in being rid of my hair i'm also rid of her. Which is heart breaking. But is also why i don't want to cut my hair again. i want to allow it to grow, symbolises a fresh start in some ways.
I used to have long hair, it took me ages to grow and I really liked it and it suited me...and then a month ago (just after my birthday) I felt really down and I walked into the first hairdressers I saw and got them to cut it all off. Not only could I not afford it but now I hate my hair :/
I get this completely.
I want my hair back :'(
