Secrets

[Cichawoda]

I can't tell anyone how I feel....I don't wish to burden them so I put on my "everything is fine" face and struggle on. There is a weight on my chest and the anxieties rage....eating calms me only for the time that my mouth is chewing. Other escapes work as well but I want this whole thing to stop...

[Bellatrix]

What makes you feel like you have to pretend everything is okay to people? What are you worried about?

I can empathise with feeling like eating is the only thing that calms you. Even now, and I'm mostly recovered from my ED, I find eating a 'go to' in high stress situations.

What else do you find helpful other than eating? It might be helpful to identify lss damaging ways of reducing your stress levels -things that don't cause you as much mental and physical pain as eating.

You won't be burdening anyone by telling them how you feel. I'm sure your friends and family would want to support you through this. However if you're worried about placing that on them, then you can always talk to a professional. Maybe you could think about going to your doctors for a chat and maybe a referral to counselling if you're not already doing it. If you are already in some form of therapy maybe you could bring it up with your worker.

Either way, you need and deserve support from someone and I really hope you can reach out and get it. Please keep posting here if it helps and we can support you in getting help.

[crazykat]

You don't have to pretend 'everything is fine', what makes you feel like you do? You are just as worthy of support as anyone else.

I can relate to using eating as a way to escape everything from my head. Often it leads me to feel worse afterwards though as I feel guilty about overeating, not sure if this is similar for you. Have you ever tried writing out what's weighing you down. As sometimes it can be hard to get the words out verbally but can be easier to write them out.

The poster above suggestion of seeking out professional support is a great one as often it can be beneficial to just be able to feel like you can offload to someone if need be. Your mind will likely try to convince yourself that your a burden or that you don't deserve support but these are not true. Another option that you might find worthwhile trying is to do some sort of physical activity like going for a walk or tidying up the house when you feel the urge to overeat.

All the best with everything, just take it one step at a time. Try and be gentle on yourself too yeah. Your doing the best you can and it will get better in time. Take care

[Cichawoda]

Bellatrix, KrazyKat - thx to you both for replying. What you said is not new - writing, getting out of the house...and I do know tha I deserve support. At this time, everything that I know seems not to matter....I am also seeing a psychologist for depression and other related issues. Right now, I was looking for a place to connect with others who "get" it and who have similar issues...I need an anonymous place to just "be"...and KK, you have a quote about recovery being every day, no breaks....how right you are. These messages and your replies are what helps me feel not alone in all this...believe me, this has been going on for decades in my life...thx again and don't be strangers...

[indigorose]

Don't pretend everything is fine, because it isn't. I think it'll be a good thing to speak to a mental health professional.