I find cooking helps me too! The balance of physical and cognitive distraction coupled with the self care aspect to be effective. I find these qualities generally work well for me. What do you think it is about cooking that helps you? We can help with other things that might have those qualities too.
I think it's one of the few things i do that counts as self care.
The constable finally called back after months, he's gonna try and meet me next week, he's a very elusive man but understandable. I scared, but need closure, even though it no doubt will make me relive everything I just need to know that I tried.
And on top of that I have a horrible UTI and peed myself Infront of K, i mean she was so good about it and held me and took care of me when I sobbed. I keep on doing it, they're seeing if they can get me a gp appointment.
Feel horrible, and not sleeping. Just here to vent
That does all sound like a lot of horrible things to be going through. I hope you can get a GP appointment and get the UTI cleared up. I'm glad that K is supportive of you. Did you manage to get any sleep eventually? You are very brave speaking to the constable and I hope it does bring you closure. Is this something that K can support you with too?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Jenna, I told her about the seductive stickers and she was just as confused as to why I gave them to you as you were. Gosh that was like 7 years ago or something. Madness.
I think it might have been ~15th September 2012 so yes!
With regards to cooking, 100% yes. I've never been able to explain why but cooking and eating my own food was a big part of ED recovery for me and I imagine at least some of that was about improving mood. Also we should exchange vegan recipes.
This is probably just silly but the anniversary is only coming up if you are following the Gregorian calendar. If you observe the Pawukon calendar, the anniversary already happened in July and you got through that day just fine.
I hope you get the UTI sorted, it sounds very nasty. Could you get some pads in the meantime to deal with leakages?
I met with the constable last week. He read my statement back to me, the unofficial one he took when I was sectioned. It was, was horrible, obviously. I thought maybe I overreacted, even tho most told me I wasn't. I cried. I had flashbacks or whatever they were, It was horrifying. I told him everything, I forgot that I did. I didn't leave a single detail out. Things got misunderstood, like the fact that I text my friend before, saying I had met someone and after that something bad happened. I've since deleted the messages. He said technically something bad happened two to three times. I was thought it was on and off but he counted as more than once. Don't know how to process it. Want to self harm but doing skills. Distracting by playing my uke and guitar obviously not a the same time. He's gonna bring him in for questioning even tho it was historic and my word against his. I just need closure you know?
With regard to the anniversary, I'll read up on it Jenna, but I'm going to spend a few days in the city with k, gonna go to ghetto golf, should be good. Just tired.
That sounds really emotional and distressing. Well done for managing that meeting. I really hope you do get some closure and soon. Look after yourself.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Ive been very low for some days now, everything's getting on top of me. Crying everyday. Some emotional and slight physical self harm. Nights are the worse for me. Don't know what to do.
Do you know what's making things so difficult, particularly the nights? Are you managing to do your cooking etc to try and get a bit of a break from things?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Yeah I'm cooking and baking which does help, oh and Jenna I've got a lot of vegan recipes to exchange. I'm going to try and sit with my thoughts tonight and just do some deep breathing. Thank you for replying.
Hey, did I recorded interview/statement with the police, have them all the info I could. I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically but that could be the anemia. I spend hours and hours obsessing about finding him first on social media, I thought if I saw his face, you kbow, I dont even know that I would think . His face has been a blur in the flashbacks and nightmares but I found someone who possibly could be guy, similar name and background and address. Obsessive. So I deleted Facebook. To try and give myself a break. I'm just tired and sad, and k my gf isn't doing so well and it's hard taking care of both of us, but she does the same. I'm scared and experiences are coming back but not as bad thank god, some voices but nothing too haunting. Sorry I'm tired just need to vent again
No wonder you are feeling exhausted. I'm glad you managed the interview, do you have to do anything more for now? Deleting Facebook sounds like a very sensible idea. I'm sorry both you and K are struggling right now, I'm glad you have each other but don't feel pressured to do all the looking after. Do you or K have other people who can also support you? You're welcome to vent here any time if it helps. Sending lots of good wishes.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Hey, I got sectioned last month, I've been discharged tho so all good except it isn't because I lied to get out. I was psychotic, didn't realise at the time, slowly became more paranoid and bathing in substances til it got to a point where I broke and couldn't even form sentences and my words didn't make sense. Put me back on the depot, still paranoid and occasionally doing the bathing but alright. K has been so good to me, she's been so understanding and patient. But still to cleanse and be clean, so i just clean the house instead, the smell of the substanc3s make me feel better. Clinically clean. Tired. Sorry for the vent
Thank you. Its freedom to an extent, but same routine, meds, eat, meds, eat, meds, sleep and repeat. I'm tired. But I'm trying I really am, I'm complying I'm trying to change for the better, I was discharged from DBT when I got sectioned and now I'm having informal follow up sessions with my cpn, I'm on the waiting list for psychology but trauma based. Maybe thinking emdr again but depends on what they decide. I feel isolated which is on me, my gf I haven't seen in a while because of the weather and tiredness but we're going away next month so should be nice. Had my first shower in ages today so improvement there I suppose.
God, sorry am I making sense? I just write how I feel and and that feels wrong
You're making sense, don't worry! And well done for trying :)
I'm glad there's a plan to get you back into some kind of therapy and I hope that that is helpful. In terms of isolation, is there anything social in your area that you'd like to do but need a bit of a prod to actually do?
Thank you, they looking for volunteering for me, maybe apprenticeships? Who knows. I did the opposite of isolating and the supervisor who I have banter with told me Id knocked on their door like 5 times, embarrassed she kept count. Only was knocking cause I could feel an anxiety attack coming and was crying about wanting to leave and move into my own flat but their response was you obviously need us cause you're knocking.
I'm so tired, K is doing her third year exams and I think she's struggling and I haven't seen her 4 weeks because of that. I miss her and want to be with her but don't want to stress her out so giving her space, booked a weekend break after her exams and I can't fucking wait. Again I'm so tired. Don't know what else to do
I was knocking on the supervisor's door, basically the office in care home bit of the supported accomodation.
She finished them now, and she thinks she's done terribly, shes really depressed but we went on the weekend break and it was so nice and chill and happy and loving.
She's moving back south in June and my heart will ache cause I won't be able to see her that often anymore and it will cost so much more money.
I hope the distance, even though it's not huge, she's in London, won't put a strain on our relationship. And I while she's still here In my county, I'm basically on lockdown due to the coronavirus because of the care home is all elderly bar a few and the staff don't want the risk. I've cancelled all my outings to socialise and my guitar lessons. Just sucks but there's obviously reasoning behind it.
I practice yoga now so at least that's something to do and there's an app I use that's just starting give out free membership til the end of the month due to coronavirus. Called down dog, if anyone's interested
Oh right, I get it, thanks for explaining. How's it generally in the supported accommodation, aside from the obvious corona debacle?! I'm glad you've got some yoga to keep you busy while you're stuck inside :)
What a shame about her moving away. I hope it'll work out OK from a distance and I'm so pleased you both had a nice weekend away!
I got a call from the policeman last week, awful phonecall, broke down and decided to withdraw my statement, cpn was pissed off he called me instead of her and also very late at night. Im sad and lonely, and self harmed for the first time in months. Just fucking tired and hate that I'm gonna get a grotesque scar again.
The things he was asking, just fucked up, I can't fathom why he'd ask those questions like that, he knew how it affected me. Just can't deal.
And i miss k, and don't know how to tell her I harmed, weve been together nine months today, I know it's not a milestone but it is for me and her. I don't want to ruin it.
