Not sure if I really belong here as I’m not entirely certain what I suffered was abuse.
My story: I started dating my (now ex) boyfriend 2 years ago. At first He seemed interested in me, supportive of me, keen to be there for me and vice versa. But I’d say it was in the last few months that he changed.
Nothing I did was right. If I argued back or contradicted him I was a ‘moron’. At worst there were times when he’d slap me and say it was because of me ‘backchatting’ him. The worst time, I think, was when we went out for a lovely meal (paid for by me). We were walking home and he just suddenly slapped me round the back of the head. I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything and it hurt so much my eyes were watering. Goodness knows the excuse he gave for that but I forgave him, as always. Either I’d annoyed him or he was joking. That was another favourite line, he wasn’t being cruel I was just too sensitive.
This went until last week when I just had enough and broke it off with him (over the phone, felt if I did it in person he’d try and get me to go back to him or hurt me). I told him I couldn’t take the name calling anymore and he said he only did it to wind me up, that he loved me and would never leave me. I kept strong and said that wasn’t enough.
Now I’m having regrets….I wonder if the hitting was just mucking around and maybe I took it too seriously? Also he’d be so nice to me sometimes so maybe I did rush into breaking up with him?....my head’s so messed up. I though when I left I’d feel relief but I just feel pain.
Now he doesn’t want to talk to me or be friends so there’s no way we’d get back together but I really feel right now if he said ‘I love you, come back’ I would…
Alright. If you feel bad about it, it was abuse. Don't ever EVER downplay your feelings. Or let anyone tell you to downplay them. If he truly loved and cared for you, when you told him it hurt you, he would stop. Easy. You say it hurts, he stops. If that is not the case, it is abuse. I can tell you, that was abuse. I'm so so so very proud of you for taking the step to realize it wasn't right, and it was hurting you and calling it off.
I feel strongly about this because I watched my Mother date multiple men, all abusive. She would break up with them, they would apologize and she would take them back. It's a viscous cycle, because often the victim feels they were overreacting, or that the other person can change. Let me tell you, you can find someone who will not even think to ever slap you. Who will not even think that you are a moron, let alone say it. You can find someone who won't consider you speaking your mind "backchatting".
You are better than him! You are smart, and that is made clear because you took that step and called it off when you knew it went bad. I'm soo proud of you! So many women and men are caught in the cycle of abuse. Remember, if you feel like it hurts, if you are even questioning whether or not it is abuse, then it is! Please remember this. Trust your instincts! It's the best defense you have. You are a strong and powerful person, and again, you are so amazing for getting out when you felt unsafe!!
"You're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself,hoping no one would find you.But THEY found you,and they took you,and you somehow survived."
Yeah the way he treated you was wrong, no one deserves to be treated that way. I would say it was emotional abuse and possibly physical abuse when he hit you. You did well to call it off, you deserve so much better than him. Stay strong, you will get through this. Take care
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
well done for calling it off .. your so strong for realising whats going on and putting a end to this .. hes a horrid person and he doesn't deserve you at all.. NO ! MAN should ever hit a woman/girl whatever is his exuse . your amazing for putting up with all of this and still being so strong.. he abused you and you found the strength to walk away
im so sorry for all the pain he has put you though =(
pm me if you need anyone to talk to ,take care
Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be? — Charles Bukowski
We all wear masks everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we really are - Nikita