Hey i was abused by my father from age 2-15, then by a group of guys i used to skate with. I'm disgnosed now with DID -dissociative identity disorder, i have over 12 alters (little me's or sometimes big ones). I know what you guys are talking about, before one of the younger ones come out i get a whoosh of their feelings: terrified, lost, confused, ashamed.... It's hard.... Take care guys
Ashton
I actually have always felt older.
I played with older children, and as they grew up I felt I had to as well. It's protective, but in the opposite direction. It felt much safer to be independent and adult. I wasn't comfortable with the vulnerability of children, even when very young.
most of the time i feel older, i have always had to be older than i was so that kinda stuck, but at the moment, it is really weird for me but i feel really small, like i just want someone to look after me and to give me the things i never had.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
I don't know if it's just because of the way I am or because I blocked out some of my earlier trauma or whatever one should call it, but I've always felt simultaneously younger and older. I'm always the youngest one of my friends in terms of actual life on earth, but a lot of times I'm the most mature, but I still act young sometimes, manifesting mostly in my social anxieties and my insomnia (I clung to my mother's hip and didn't sleep through the night until I was about 8 years old). I know my one friend, Red, who was sexually abused for a long period of time acts a lot younger than other kids her age, shes at about 12/13 when shes actually 18. Love her to ages though.
"Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know."
Twelfth Night (II, iii, 44-45)
I'm exactly the same.. Sometimes I'm a smart 20 year old proffesional scientist/student.
Other days i'm just a crazy sad little girl...
Feels like i'm still 8 helpless and scared and angry,
Mostly people say i'm childish, and i enjoy it sometimes , sometimes its bad especially because i'm studying in a male dominated field.'
When i'm supposed to be intellectual i'm feeling like a little baby among them.
I'm weird... I said earlier who I am, how I stopped growing when 'she' came and took over. But I don't have a little girl inside me, I AM the little girl, I pushed 'her' away, I guess she is what you'd call the big girl... though, I hope she dosen't treat you guys the same way she treated me. She was mean and she could hurt me lots...
It's sometimes really scary though, I'm one of only two females in my computer class, and sometimes I get really scared around the guys. One wants to drive me home and I don't trust him, but I feel like I'm not allowed to say no. I know at my physical age, 16, I'm allowed to, but I can't get away from the fact that when I was physically 9, before she came in and stuff, I wouldn't have been allowed.
Is anyone else the little girl, or just me...?
Live to Dream and Dream to Live
A flash in the dark Of a blade so clean Memories of remorse Thoughts left unseen
We can do this in time, we can be free
(Was written in late 2006. Now, finally, early 2008, I really am free, and it feels amazing)
i was physically abused by my dad for 14 years. I actually feel older and alot more mature because of it. i took it upon myself to protect myself since my mom didn't. So ive always been able to fend for myself
I have two parts to me - one that feels much younger (about 9 years old) and one that feels quite a bit older (mid to late 20's). It's hard :( but I get by.
With me, I feel like I'm both older than my age and younger than my age at the same time. I feel like, because of the abuse, I've grown up a lot more than I should have, the innocence of childhood is gone, as is the giddiness, the comfort. But there's that part, that doesn't feel sure of herself, who needs lots and lots of cuddles, and is afraid of lots of older men. I dunno, does that make any sense at all?
Tbh I feel a little younger than I am.
I am 21 years old but I feel much much younger.
I hang around with people the same age as me and maybe a year or two older.
But I feel like I am much much younger.
I feel like I can't tune into their conversations...and cut off from the group.
I can look after myself and stuff like that but I feel like I am a little kid.
But that is also due to my Dad...he treats me like a child and I am afraid of him the same way a child is afraid of being told off.
