I need help

whirlpools · 13-03-2017, 11:14 PM

I have been trying desperately to get help through non-crisis services. I am so scared of crisis services. I'd rather die than lose my autonomy.

But nobody calls back. I'm under the CMHT but my last CC left in September. They got a new one last month but I can't get hold of her.

My mum spoke to the duty worker on Friday and apparently hthey'd ring back this morning. They didn't so I rang the duty worker at lunchtime and they said they'd e-mail the CMHT manager and ask him to ring but he didn't. It sliding too far away from me. I can't let them have me.

HopeRises · 13-03-2017, 11:15 PM

Can you ring anybody else like the Samaritans? Or speak here about what is going on?

whirlpools · 13-03-2017, 11:51 PM

I could e-mail the Samaritans, good idea. I think I would struggle to phone but I could try e-mailing, thank you.

I'm having a lot of stuff going on inside and around me that are reminding me of before I had a breakdown 14 years ago. Some of the people who are talking to me are going to help me, which is good. But people in my life (family, fiancé) don't like how that makes me. I keep going to different places. Some of them are pretty but some of them aren't.

I want to die and if they help me I will. But I also don't want to hurt people I love. But I'm already hurting them.

Serendipity. · 13-03-2017, 11:54 PM

Hi lovely. I'm sorry things are so difficult at the moment. Would it help to talk more here about what's going on?

It's really difficult when you're doing all you can to reach out but they aren't getting back to you. Please keep trying. Call them again tomorrow? And do consider using crisis services if you need to - what worries you about it?

Sending lots of love your way. You can do this <3

Sketchy · 14-03-2017, 12:08 AM

I agree. Use crisis services if you need to. I have had bad experiences with them, but I have also had good experiences with them where I felt listened to. Maybe they will be able to help. It sounds like you could use extra support. Keep trying to get hold of your cc. I'm sorry they haven't helped you, but keep trying. Keep talking here too. Take care.

whirlpools · 14-03-2017, 01:01 PM

Thank you both. I will reply properly soon, heads a bit fuzzy. Seeing support worker this afternoon.

Wonderland. · 14-03-2017, 03:00 PM

I hope it goes well with your support worker. Hopefully you can both come up with a plan of who to contact and how you are going to do that.

whirlpools · 14-03-2017, 11:31 PM

Thank you. Im sorry for not having much helpful to say. I do like the crisis services (especially the crisis team) but I am so scared of risking losing my freedom and of locked doors and stuff. I'm scared of the hospital including A&E really. I know it probably sounds weird lol. I think it may be a bit of having to face up to actually being in a crisis. I'm not too good at that.

I spoke to my support worker today, who despite our occasional disagreements has worked really hard to help me keep going the last 5-6 months especially. She's been very angry with how things have been dealt with for some weeks really.

Anyway the long and short of it is that we are meeting with my new CPN on Thursday. My risks are really quite high at the moment but hopefully we can catch it in time and with outpatients/community.

Thank you all, I really do appreciate your thoughts, suggestions and kindness and hugs.