Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - *adult* is it possible?
This is the first time I've ever asked this...but it occurs to me that certain things that "turn me on" aren't exactly normal. Like, I often have fantasies of being held down, etc...I suppose I could go so far as to say that I've had rape fantasies starting back when I was like 14...like I wanted that done to me. I know, it's sick. So I guess my pondering is, is it possible that I've blocked out some memory of being raped, sexually abused, etc as a child? I have no memories of any such abuse, but the things I fantasize about make me wonder. I just don't know and it's strange to me. *sigh* I guess I don't know what I'm looking for people to say, but I just had to get it out there.
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
Actually, believe it or not, rape fantasies are common among women. I found this on the internet:
"First to define it: a rape fantasy is, as its name suggests, a fantasy about rape. It can go both ways (i.e. men who fantasize about raping, or women who fantasize about being raped.) Surprisingly enough, the latter is much more common. I apologize to anyone who has ever been raped. Probably, someone who has been raped will never understand why anyone else will have a fantasy about it. No man I know has a rape fantasy (at least none that I am aware of). Many women to whom I've spoken, though, have told me about such fantasies. They say that, of course, they wouldn't want it to really happen, but it's a fantasy, and will remain as such."
In reality you really don't want to be raped, its just the idea of not having full control, not knowing what to expect, etc. It's a submission/dominance thing, where not knowing what comes next heightens your arousal.
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agree with what was said in above post....
i grew up with really extreme abuse (rape etc) but strangely enough i do get why ppl would find this a turn on...i dont fantasize about being raped, but i dont mind getting a bit kinky, i understand this could be because of the things that happened to me and its really the only way i know. to some this may seem wrong but we cant change how we feel.
as above its not as if you actually want to be raped but its the danger and not being able to predict whats happening next that would be exciting.
i guess you could find someone you trust and try S&M or even look up info about it on the net and see what you think.
not sure if any of what i said makes sense but oh well.
dont feel bad about having those thoughts, it doesnt make you weird.
xoxoxox
Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....
this is something thats a part of BDSM, which is much more common than people think. i myself... well im weird. but most of my exposure to sexuality has been things like abuse and rape, i feel safer in that situation then in sweetness, and yes my current boyfriend is a dom who, while he would NEVER hurt anyone, has had fantasies of raping girls for a long time. this is also from something in his past i beleive. but some people into BDSM have never been hurt like that. its not strange at all. prehaps you want to look into it online some? i found a good set of videos on youtube, by asylium or something similar? just look up BDSM on youtube and youll find them, theres lots of info on there. sorry i cant help more
its ok to have these thoughts. it in no way means that you were abused and just cant remember it. its about power and control and finding it exciting to let someone else have the control or to take it completely in your hands. the thing about it is that its your choice, so its not rape, its a fantasy of being taken control of and finding it sexually pleasurable.
its normal to find lots of sexual things exciting and interesting and theres no shame in experimenting. as long as you are safe and its consentual and you are old enough and you are enjoying it, then its ok.
take care hun, and remember, the only stupid questions are the ones you dont ask.
I'm so ashamed that I feel like this also. I know it's sounds distubed and I am so truly sorry. I think it's part of me being a virgin. I feel alone when I feel like this and like a freak. I am so sorry for anyone who I have offended. I hate myself for it I know.
dont be ashamed! youre not a freak. there are so many people who feel the same, theres at least 3 people in this thread alone who have these thoughts. there is no reason to be embarassed or ashamed of it, you want someone to take dominance over you, for me that would mean finally giving control of myself to someone i trust and thats a big deal for me, but something i look forward to. theres nothing wrong with how you feel, you only need to accept it.
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
