Triggering (SI) - needed for survival?

[babii.blu.eyes.]

i need help.
i lost everything in the victorian bushfires.
in 2 days it will be 2 months since the fires.
and in 2 days..it will be 2 months since i self harmed in any way.
in those 2 months.
i have gained weight like crazy.
stopped seeing my psychologist.
and taken myself off medication.
i know know know with all my heart that i cant keep going.
that i cant keep holding back.
i know that everyday that goes by..i become more and more likely to 'slip'.
this scares the hell out of me.
but it also makes me glad.
that feels so wrong.
but it does.
because if im self harming.
then everything is alright again.
i have a release.
i have a coping strategy.
i have a way to hold on.
what happens if i im not cut out for life without it.
i keep seeing my scars and thinking of it again and again.
just making more.
my surgeon saw them.
said i need to look into plastic surgery.
so what do you do.
when your world falls apart.
you lose everything you know.
you change.
but not in the ways you need to change.
what do you do.
when you realise what you NEED to survive.

[Casper_Fading]

When you've become so used to relying on something, when you dont' do it anymore you go through withdrawal and think that without that one thing you can't go on. But that's bullshit. Anna, you need to go and see your counsellor again, get your ass back on medication and STOP WORRYING BOUT YOUR WEIGHT!

You've been through a horrific time, lost everything bt you AHVE survived. And you survived without harming yoruself. you don't need to hurt youself. what you need is to take the next step to leaving that behind you and stop telling yourself that you do need it becasue you can't do anything else.

YOu CAN do it. And you will. I know we haven't been friends for a really long time, but I think we're pretty close and I knw you're not a quitter. So stop talking like one! YOu hve a strength inside you that you have to tap sweetheart. Look at those 800 carebears you have! They wouldn't give up becasue stuff was hard! I mean look at all the time No-Heart almost destroyed care-a-lot and everything looked like it was sunk... but they ddn't give up! They kept fihgitng!

You can too.

[rainb0w.sparkl3s]

Anna,
I totally agree with Jess.
Of course you are going to feel like you need it...but you don't.
You're doing amazing.
Go back to seeing your psych, take meds and fight this.
You have lost everything, and that sucks hard but i believe you can rise above this.
You're doing amazing. (yes, i know i've said this already, just thought i'd say it twice to make sure you read it) =]
I love you.
And i'm still coming to Anna-Nap you!
xxx

[Snow White.]

Hey Sweetheart,

What you've been through was so hard & crushing & shitty, but look at how far you've come! And without self harm too, gosh it just shows me the strength you have inside you. Why is it you've stopped taking your meds/seeing your psych? These things are important; especially now when you're going through to much, really really suggest you at least catch up with your psych soon. Pleeasse :)

I love you & miss you & think about you very often.

You can do this. Can you think of another way you can release what you are feeling? Ranting/singing/drawing/etc?

Gosh. I am thinking of you. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling but I am also happy to see you as I'm not online much any more and did miss, well, you.

Keep your chin up; and reach out for help. You deserve it, don't try and beat this alone.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

[babii.blu.eyes.]

i know i should go see my psych.
but ive lost trust in her.
i dont want to talk about why.
i just have.
and i dont like her anymore.
and i DONT want to see her anymore.
its not got to do with anything like her wanting me on meds or anything.
i seriously DONT want to see her.
i have no care bear analogy for that..sorry jess!.
but isnt that their purpse.
every care bear has a purpose..whether its feelings or actions or behaviours..
that and their cute.
i dont know that i have the will or strength to keep fighting.
i just know that for some reason i still am.

[Katiee]

awhh hun, I don't know what to say. But I'm here for you. xo.