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Old 29-10-2019, 01:06 PM   #1401
one_step_closer
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I definitely think it was the best decision for you to have been honest with the psychologist. Do you think long term CBT as mentioned by the psychologist might be available to you? How are you today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 29-10-2019, 04:19 PM   #1402
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Thanks. Well I think she thinks it's available for me and that's the recommendation she's going to give so I guess we'll see. I'm struggling. All the staff know about what I told the psychologist. And I've only been out for half an hour with an OT today. Got my ward review tomorrow and I'm scared the whole thing is gonna be brought up about what I said to the psychologist, especially if she attends. I'm so anxious.

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Old 29-10-2019, 04:23 PM   #1403
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What do you worry will happen if it's brought up in your review? I know it must be really frustrating not getting much leave but it's better to work up to it when you're feeling better. It would be good if you could ask if there is a possibility of more escorted leave though as it sounds like you're wanting to be doing more things rather than being stuck on the ward. Is possibly having longer term CBT something you can hold on to?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 29-10-2019, 05:24 PM   #1404
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Them refusing to give me unescorted leave and not being able to go through with my plan as a result. Well I have 8 hours accompanied but I've not had anyone who could take me out over the past few days. Not really I don't really care about therapy when I get out

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Old 29-10-2019, 07:02 PM   #1405
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I think it would be more scary to get unescorted leave and feel like you had to go through with your plan, which might not work. That's a lot of pressure. I hope you will allow people to look after your well being.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 30-10-2019, 10:39 AM   #1406
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Thanks I'm just really anxious about my review today

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Old 30-10-2019, 10:42 AM   #1407
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That's natural, I know it's anxiety provoking. You've managed to get through so many reviews already, you can do this. I hope that it goes well and you get whatever support you need. Is there a time round about that you're usually seen?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 31-10-2019, 12:08 AM   #1408
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I got seen at 11. It didn't go well. I feel awful.

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Old 31-10-2019, 09:45 AM   #1409
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I'm sorry it didn't go well. Do you want to talk about it?



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Old 31-10-2019, 11:38 AM   #1410
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They didn't give me unescorted leave. My psychologist told everyone about my plans.

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Old 31-10-2019, 12:43 PM   #1411
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She had no other option but to tell people.



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Old 31-10-2019, 01:27 PM   #1412
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Yes I know that. But it's still upsetting.

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Old 31-10-2019, 01:33 PM   #1413
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It is upsetting, and must feel disappointing. It's really positive that your psychologist was as honest with you as you bravely were with her - and although the outcome is frustrating, it also shows they care enough about you that they don't want you to die.

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Old 31-10-2019, 01:45 PM   #1414
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It is upsetting and disappointing. I don't think I can do psychology anymore because being honest just leads to situations like this. I know she cares and has a duty of care but I can't do this anymore.

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Old 31-10-2019, 03:20 PM   #1415
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Psychology isn't about allowing you to do harmful things though, it's about trying to support you to move forward and she obviously cares and believes that therapy is right for you.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 31-10-2019, 06:11 PM   #1416
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Maybe I should quit psychology

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Old 31-10-2019, 07:15 PM   #1417
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Psychology could allow you to have a better quality of life, it's definitely worth sticking with. I understand that you feel so awful and suicidal but you have life options right now that could be really life changing for you.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 01-11-2019, 04:32 PM   #1418
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I know it sounds bad and doesn't make much sense but I don't want them to change my mind about my plans

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Old 01-11-2019, 07:10 PM   #1419
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I understand not wanting people talking you out of your plans. I've been there, it's not a good experience, so I'm sorry you feel like that. However, I think it's still worth hearing out what professionals have to say. Sometimes it isn't what you expect. After all, they can't force you to change your thinking, they can only give you suggestions and new information, so the choice is always yours.

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Old 01-11-2019, 08:15 PM   #1420
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Also to add, if you are afraid that your plans could be that easily changed or your opinion swayed, maybe you're less sure that killing yourself is as important/the only option than you thought? I think sometimes realising that and realising that you might have to make a life for yourself can be really frightening to deal with, and so it's easier to say, oh well I'll just kill myself and not deal with it.



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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