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Old 03-02-2009, 11:36 AM   #61
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Join Date: Feb 2008

And, I enclose a copy of a discussion of why I decided to start seperating RYL and why I considered RYL had changed.

I realise this may come across all "UGHHHHIHateRYL." But it is not intended to be that way. Mods, feel free to edit/delete.

Dear x,
I took the choice to start my seperation seriously. RYL has been a dear friend to me, but I don't feel like this is so much a support website, as much as it is a social networking site, simply uniting people who have been through the same sort of thing. I find that the support I used to find solace in, is very rarely the same, and while my disordered eating habits and my self harm have become even more dangerous, I don't see how RYL is helping me right now with those things.

RYL has always been there for me when I was feeling sucidal, and at the most, I would get a touching message. But the feelings do not simply evaporate because you avoided suicide once, as you may understand? I will, no doubt, return to RYL if I have no other place to turn.

RYL has indeed been marked down as a recovery site, but I don't really understand how RYL could help me work through my 'issues' to the extent I truely need. It is, in the end, computer to computer interface instead of the real, people therapy I possibly require to help me through the dark times especially in the reinforced rules where I cannot even express myself without being edited or deleted.

So, I suppose I cannot say one simple thing I would change about RYL, but simply that, I could not get the help I did need to recover my life, from people behind a computer screen.

I will no doubt be lingering on RYL for the social-ness, but I'm planning to slowly remove myself so that I will not feel the need to return.

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Old 03-02-2009, 12:02 PM   #62
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I came to the conclusion last night it's not that RYL has changed so much, the members have.

The members are normalizing self harm, the members are not actually being encouraged very much to get help & move on. & I think this also ties in with the members diagnosing & treating each other like professionals.

& Olivia you say your parents finding out destroyed family life, it did that to mine, but 4 years down the line & a lot of talking & working on relationships it's ok now, it's not brilliant, but we function as a family. (Well i don't live with them anymore but hush).

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Old 03-02-2009, 12:16 PM   #63
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Of course finding out someone you love self harms isnt going to be easy at all. But I still think we should be encouraging people to tell their parents, or someone they trust, or a doctor instead of asking for ways how to cover it up so no-one finds out.

I so wish I had been honest back when I first started self harming. Instead I lied to CAMHS and my parents about how bad it was, thinking I was doing the right thing and no-one told me otherwise. Now, nearly seven years down the line, I'm desperately trying to get my life back and I'm in such a mess.

Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…

you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.

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Old 03-02-2009, 12:19 PM   #64
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another thread pointing out ryl's faults.
i've been watching this for the last few months.
someone makes a thread wanting ryl to be "better", to be more of something to be less something.
yes, there are many things wrong with ryl.
but i've seen thread after thread talking about exactly the same thing.
and it's not like harley or the mods haven't noticed.

and to be honest, since when did we, as members have to "fix" ryl.
this is a self harm recovery website.
most members are contrating on not cutting, or killing themselves.
when did it become our job to drop everything and fix ryl.
members who have recovered are now expressing opinions, and while many are good, where do the opinions of members that are do busy asking for help?

i like this site, gosh, i've been here 4 years.
but right now.
i couldn't give a toss about trying to change it.
i'm too busy trying to control my own life.

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Old 03-02-2009, 12:23 PM   #65

I first joined Ruin because I honestly thought I was the only person that had ever cut themselves. And I felt alone.

The basic premise of RYL hasn't changed.

"You are not alone"

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Old 03-02-2009, 12:31 PM   #66
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I've been thinking about this a lot and I agree that RYL is normalising self harm. That is, the members, quite often.

The thing is - as Sarah says - if nobody knows offline, we're going to look for people we can talk to about our self harming/eating issues/etc. Okay, so at least RYL is a safe website, but shouldn't we be encouraging our members to get help offline, get the help RYL just basically can't provide, getting them to start living again?

I went through a period of being on this site 24/7, basically, I was a ghost to the rest of my family and friends and everything. They knew absolutely nothing. Since getting offline help and being able to talk to my family more, I've been using the site a bit less. Or at least, not feeling as reliant upon it as I used to.

RYL is an amazing thing - when it is used properly. That is, not an alternative to a doctor or a therapist or whatever. When it's used for that little bit of extra support or encouragement when we may need it or when we don't want to feel alone in anything we're going through. I think if the majority of members were using RYL for what it's meant to be, we wouldn't have so many problems because we wouldn't be trying to use it for what it's not.

(that makes so little sense..)

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That thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing
About really deep thoughts?

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Old 03-02-2009, 01:48 PM   #67
sherlock holmes
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Originally Posted by Euphoria Blossom View Post
RYL is an amazing thing - when it is used properly. That is, not an alternative to a doctor or a therapist or whatever. When it's used for that little bit of extra support or encouragement when we may need it or when we don't want to feel alone in anything we're going through.

RYL has it's faults, but so does every other website I've been on.

I like RYL, I'm still here aren't I?

It's just, it needs to be used alongside the proper professional help. RYL is not a substitute for seeing a doctor.

Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…

you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.

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Old 03-02-2009, 02:15 PM   #68
Leo Pard
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RYL is now insanely recovery based. The ED forum board change is a sign of this. It was changed to 'ED recovery' which obviously brings about some problems as RYL was always thought to be a place where people could go weather they were recovering or not.
There has been major discussions about this so yeh..

Also I agree with the bubble wrappy idea because it seems now that people who aren't actively recovering are being shunned. I know it's not meant to feel like that but it really does.

The staff are also becoming more overprotective and things and I mean yeh this is understandable due to the bigger age range and stuff but still..

Ruin was a place for people to go and talk and it wasn't bubble wrapped or anything and it was just what it was. I know there were problems and there always will be and that they can't keep everyone happy at once. There are people that want it to be more recovery based and people that want it to be less recovery based and I guess what we need to do is find a happy medium so that no one feels pressured into anything.

My feelings are that if it gets more recovery based then people are going to start feeling pressured into recovering and thus meaning that they are not neccasarily going to be able to properly work things out meanign that it would kinda be fake and they'd still have issues or whatever.

I'm not meaning to flame anyone or provoke anything but thats just what I feel and I know there are others that do feel the same. I mean the mods do a good job and without them there would be no RYL so yeh but meh.

That probably made no sense so I'm sorry...

The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.

I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.

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Old 03-02-2009, 02:30 PM   #69
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I like RYL as it is now. It has changed because of new members and new rules and existing members growing up. But I like some of the changes and appreciate them because I have grown up and changed.

This site did used to have a lot of competition in the ED board for example, and whilst I felt at home there when I was unwell, and it satisfied and accepted my state of mind at THAT time. Now things are different and the rules are now helping me with the state of mind I wish to embrace now, as part of recovery.

I hear people saying it pisses them off when people use this place as a replacement for professional help,, and yeh, if that option is available, that would be a reasonable accusation. But for gods sake, who gets all they need from the NHS, even if they need a psychiatrist to talk about meds, you wont always get one! (I know) People are just trying to do the best they can, with what they have, and sometimes THIS IS ALL THEY HAVE.

Im not saying we can or should be giving advice to those needing meds advice, and true, they cant expect that, but its natural for them to ask for what they need. And in asking, knowing the question, someone can advice who best to speak to in the myriad of NHS services.

I have to go, lesson time.

I will add more later probably.

I dont want to offend anyone, but this is just how I as an individual see things.


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Old 03-02-2009, 05:10 PM   #70
Why does everything have to change?
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I also think this place has changed or maybe I'm changed. Or maybe both.
At some point(though over a year ago) I started to feel like this place really wasn't for me or needed me anymore. It felt wrong to ask support though that's what this place is for. So at first I started coming less here and then I didn't come at all. Now I'm back though I don't know for how long.
Once this forum was my life but now a days it's not anymore. And I have no other place which would have replaced this. I miss the time I hanged here everyday. Maybe I should accept that that time is gone. Maybe I should get a life.

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Old 04-02-2009, 03:20 AM   #71
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Joined in 2004, been here (on and off) since that time. I think it's probably changed because of the change in people who have joined. Younger people bringing problems that all young people have/go through, rather than older people who've been through the extraordinary? Don't mean it to sound that harsh, just can't think of another way to put it. I feel RYL is like lots of other forums now, which it never used to be.

Hindsight is a rather beautiful thing...

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Old 04-02-2009, 09:19 AM   #72
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Re: bubble wrapping -
I've seen (and taken part in) loads of responses that do challenge people, but on the whole in a supportive way e.g. 'I can understand why you find it frustrating, but it sounds like your Mum is doing this to try to help you. If you show her you can be trusted then perhaps she'll give you more freedom' is something I've seen on a lot of threads. Saying the same thing as 'grow up& get over it, it's your own fault' but in a way that encourages rather than attacks someone.

Re: Normalising -
well, I guess for most of us SH is 'normal', that's why we're here. But again, I've seen (and taken part in) threads where people are encouraged to get professional treatment, and post-ers suggest places that could provide help. It's a fine line between accepting someone as they are, faults and all but encouraging them to see a more positive future (which we all need), and 'normalising'

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Old 04-02-2009, 12:36 PM   #73

well, i've only been here like 6 months or something so i'm probably not justified in saying anything here except...

to people who think it's changed - not all change is bad. people just have to adapt to it. life does change. all the time, in real life, people are being introduced and other people leave and things update and modify.

i think ryl is actually really good for finding out what people want from the site, listening to them and updating it - i've seen many changes in the time i've been here, with the rules and regulations and everything, and I've been really impressed because the mods not only listen, but they actually do something about it.

recover your life will NEVER be an alternative to actual therapy, because it's just 'common' people on here - not therapists/counsellors/psychs etc... so what can people really expect? it's not going to cure you, but it will support you and encourage you to get the treatment you need, and not feel so alone.

i guess i see recover your life as a gps waiting room, rather than a gp itself. we're all the people sitting outside saying... "i think theres something wrong with me, is it right to feel like this?" and asking questions about it and finding out other peoples experiences.

People wanting to find the answer to all their life problems probably won't find it here, but people wanting support and encouragement will.

[/End of long rambling post]

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Old 04-02-2009, 07:04 PM   #74
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Well, I think people just grow up and this site just stays the same. Which is good, because new people are coming on here every day. I think I will be leaving this site soon, but not because I wouldn't like it the way it is. I've been on here since 2004 (and on Ruin before that) and I just feel it's time I let go and move on.
I miss the old days, though. I miss the fact that it was possible to know most people on here by their screen names. I miss the old RYL, I do. And RYL is great just the way it is now. I just miss it.

xxx Deena

God made sure we'd meet.

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Old 05-02-2009, 08:17 PM   #75
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I think a lot of people like the change, and a lot dont.

That's life.

I've been around since the beginning of Recover...I hate trying so hard to try and find a way of putting my words without causing offense.

It gets ****ing boring, and annoying.

I understand the reason for it, certainly, but it's the reason I tend to stick around general now (whenever I'm actually here).

I think, when I first joined I was looking for people who I could relate to, and who could understand.

Now it's such an accepting group of people, everything is ok.

A post of:

"I did ********"

is usually followed with:

"Don't worry. It's ok. It's just a slip up."

Normalising is definitely going too far. People shouldn't be convinced doing whatever is ok and won't have an impact on your life.

It will.

And now I'm leaving because I'm getting angry.

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Old 05-02-2009, 09:34 PM   #76
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Yes and no. I think this side of RYL (a bit saccharine, a bit clique-y, younger members etc) has always been around, but has gotten somewhat more dominant. Hmm, I didn't actually mean to sound critical there - there are nice things about it too, like ALL support-needing posts getting replies, which used to be a major problem.

As someone who occasionally comes back to read (I was on regularly about 4-5 years ago), I feel that I've changed more - this place makes me feel old, lol. And also I guess I'm less tolerant of stuff and frequently want to write stuff which would probably get me kicked out!

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