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Old 15-05-2019, 09:48 PM   #521
chinahorse
 
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They are finally sorting me out a new care coordinator.

I saw htt today. They want to offer me support for 2 weeks, both with meetings and on the phone until hopefully I get my new cpn care co person.

I have to go back to the general hospital tomorrow. They were so nice to me on Friday. I'm scared they won't be nice this time. I'm scared they will notice I've been blood letting since. I'm scared no one will notice and I'll end up collapsing again though it's not at that point yet. If my body copes then it's permission to continue.

I've eaten like a pig tonight and I should purge.



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Old 15-05-2019, 10:24 PM   #522
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How would it be if you told them straight you've been bloodletting? And I promise you don't need to purge.

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Old 16-05-2019, 12:27 AM   #523
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I will tell them if they ask.

I maaged not to purge thanks.



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Old 16-05-2019, 09:56 AM   #524
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I asked them to do my blood tests because otherwise htt would ask.

They aren't being as kind as last time.



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Old 16-05-2019, 10:56 AM   #525
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I hope you get on ok today and that people are at least treating you with respect.

Good luck with HTT, and I really hope your new CC will be someone you get on with with.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 16-05-2019, 07:05 PM   #526
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I'm leaving some caring thoughts here for you.

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Old 16-05-2019, 07:49 PM   #527
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In the end the physicians associate and advanced nurse came to see me and spentertainment time with me and we're really lovely and wanted to help. We came up with a plan. I felt better.

Then I went to work. Keep randomly crying. I can't deal with it. Came home and blood let again. I have no idea what my haemoglobin is as they didnt tell me today.



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Old 16-05-2019, 07:51 PM   #528
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Glad they were supportive, but sorry that work brought you down so low.

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Old 16-05-2019, 08:04 PM   #529
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Sorry if this is a dumb question and you can ignore. What about blood letting is different for you than self harming? Or is there overlap? Are the people treating you aware of the difference for you? Just thinking if they knew that might also change some of their recommendations as they can make better suggestions suited to what is going on for you.



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 16-05-2019, 08:11 PM   #530
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Thank you both. <3

They do know, it's an adrenaline makes me forget everything thing that I don't get with self harm. Or at least it was. Think it may be turning suicidal.



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Old 17-05-2019, 03:49 AM   #531
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I care for you & I am proud you got yourself checked out <3

I am sorry that you are hurting so badly that the need to forget for a little while is so strong.

I love you <3



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But till I try, I'll never know


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Old 17-05-2019, 06:43 AM   #532
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Thank you lovely. Sorry I'm never in touch. I do wonder about you and miss you.

I feel quite poorly today. Not sure if I can ho to work or not but I've left it too late to call in sick. I've barely slept. I want to call crisis team and scream at them but I won't. My stupidity is not their fault.



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Old 17-05-2019, 11:46 AM   #533
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Could you call the crisis team anyway and get things off your chest, minus screaming at them? They should still be there for you whether you have harmed yourself or not.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 18-05-2019, 09:05 AM   #534
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Thank you. I'm struggling to accept htt. They can't help. I'm terrified I'm going to die. But relieved at the same time.

My friend from work is taking me to hospital today as I blood let again last night (and fainted and stained the carpet) and I feel poorly on exertion. Well poorly when I sit still but yeah. Scared I'm over reacting and they will say its nothing and I'm wasting their time and hate me.



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Old 18-05-2019, 09:14 AM   #535
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They won't hate you, but you do need to accept whatever help is being offered. Listen to the part of you that's terrified because it might prevent you from doing more harm to yourself - harm that you really really don't deserve.

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Old 18-05-2019, 09:53 AM   #536
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What np said! I'm glad your friend is taking you to hospital, let us know how it goes. You don't deserve to suffer and with the right help things will get better.

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Old 18-05-2019, 01:44 PM   #537
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I'm really trying to accept help I'm just scared and I think irrational.

It's taken them 2 and a half hours to find a vein. My haemoglobin is rather low.



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Old 18-05-2019, 01:52 PM   #538
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I know you're scared. Try and take the chance to accept it though.

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Old 18-05-2019, 02:08 PM   #539
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Thinking of you

*leaves love*





It's a long way down
On this rollercoaster.



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Old 18-05-2019, 02:36 PM   #540
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I'm glad you're at least getting some medical help. What is it that scares you about accepting help?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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