Graphic - Relationship problems with a guy/coworker

BeautifulFreak24 · 26-01-2014, 03:39 AM

I'm not entirely sure if this belongs in the Serious Discussion and Advice forum, but I figured I should put it here just in case.

I don't really know how to explain it, so I'm just going to put it out there, because I can't tell anyone in RL.

I haven't been this bad in a really long time, not for a few years at least. I've been thinking about suicide a lot and been self harming; even though the self harm is fairly recent.
There's this guy I've liked for a long time at work, but he was engaged to a girl that also worked with us, so I (obviously) wrote him off and tried to forget that I liked him. In November, they broke up because she cheated on him with several different guys (most of whom we also work with).

In December he took a girl to our work's Christmas party, and we all sat together. She was really nice and pretty, and completely opposite from me.
Also in December, he figured out that I liked him, and we started texting a lot and trying to hang out outside of work. At this point, I thought he wasn't seeing the girl he'd taken to the Christmas party.

Anyway, here's the part that I'm worried about. I'm an idiot... I've never kissed a guy before (I'm 20) and I've never really been on a date. So before our date he had sent me some pictures - which I'm sure you can assume what they were - and pressured me into sending him some pictures of my boobs.
That weekend (last Saturday) we went on a date. He didn't take me anywhere to eat or anything, which is what I was expecting. We drove outside of town, and he parked on a dirt road and we just started talking. We did some stuff (no se.x) but showed some things (in case it's important, my pants stayed on...)
And then this morning, I saw on Facebook that he apparently asked the girl out that he took to the Christmas party.
He also has a 2 year old daughter. (Both the daughter and previous engagement were red flags, and I'm sure most of this is my fault)

So I know that we weren't dating or anything... but it still hurts a lot. I feel even worse than I did before we started talking. I feel like he used me... or like he was trying to see how far I would go since I'm a virgin.

I might be overreacting - I wouldn't be surprised if I was, but I'm just really disappointed. I'm not even mad at him, not really. I'm mostly mad at myself for showing him my boobs and such, and I feel dirty and used.

I guess this is more of a rant than anything else, but if you're still reading thank you. I'm sorry if it didn't make a lot of sense.

LegoGirl · 26-01-2014, 01:45 PM

I can understand you feeling hurt and upset, it seems like he was looking for one thing and you something else?

That's nothing to blame yourself for, people have these kinds of mix ups in relationships all the time, this kind of thing is really hard. You shouldn't feel mad at yourself for doing things because you liked a guy and hoped things might work out.

You're not dirty.

You just have to learn from this and move on Hun.

Patent Pending · 26-01-2014, 01:59 PM

Hey,

As LegoGirl says; it sounds like he was just after one thing, and you were looking for something completely different. Chances are that at the moment he probably is looking for anything overly serious having just ended an engagement - even if he is now in a new relationship, he will still be recovering.

Sending those things and meeting him doesn't make you dirty or anything like this. Don't be so hard on yourself; you liked him and you were hoping that things would work out. Unfortunately in situations like this it is hard to know how the other person feels and what they're thinking.

It is worth noting that perhaps looking at dating someone from work isn't the best idea; I mean take a look at how he was cheated on by this woman with people from work - try to look outside of work to meet someone if you can.

Just try to give yourself a break about this, it's not your fault, and try to learn from it.

Take care,

x x x