Forcing myself to keep going

[[Luna]]

She doesn’t. She’s very wrapped up with losing my dad. She talks about him obsessively and like he’s still here, it can be very draining when you’re trying to process your own grief.

[Pi.R^2]

That does sound draining and whilst it's important that she's able to process her grief in whatever way she needs to, it doesn't sound like that will actually be helpful for her long term, and also she needs to be aware that you are grieving too and that the way she deals with it affects you. Is there anyone who could communicate with her on your behalf to gently make her aware of why you're struggle to talk to her?

Thinking of you and I'm sorry that things are so hard.

[[Luna]]

My mum is having grief counselling and her counsellor seems to think she doesn’t need help processing her grief which seems insane to me. I don’t think she’s giving him the full picture.
My mum won’t take it well if she knew my feelings and it will just cause more stress which I don’t have the energy for.

Thank you guys for your support, really means a lot.

I’m dreading today. I feel sick.

[one_step_closer]

How has today been? I hope you have managed ok and are getting some time to recover.

[[Luna]]

I’m having quite a hard morning. I’m out by myself and I’ve had a few objects talking to me. This morning one of our Halloween decorations told me to kill myself.
I’m feeling a bit paranoid, worried about being followed. It’s making feel really, really anxious.

[one_step_closer]

No wonder you're feeling anxious with all of those distressing thoughts etc. Do you know how you might be able to ease your anxiety even a tiny bit? Do you have things you need to be doing that you can focus on?

[[Luna]]

I’m with a friend. I’m having really bad urges to self harm.

[Auror.]

Could you let your friend know you are struggling or at least try to use being with them as a distraction? That does sound scary. I hope the urges pass soon for you.

[[Luna]]

This is slipping out of my control and I don’t know what to do

[one_step_closer]

Who knows what is going on for you at the moment?

[[Luna]]

Sorry about yesterday. Had a triggering conversation with my friend which made me spiral a bit when I was already struggling.
My head is very scrambled. Today is a trauma anniversary. Feeling fragile.

[one_step_closer]

What will you be doing today?

[[Luna]]

Just been indoors with my wife. We did some arty stuff which was nice.
I feel mentally and physically exhausted. I’ve managed to not self harm today though so I guess that’s a positive.

[Auror.]

I'm glad you had a nice day and managed to stay safe. That is definitely a positive.

[one_step_closer]

I'm really glad you managed not to self harm and had a nice day with your wife. I hope you can have more days like that and the exhaustion starts to lift.

[[Luna]]

I’m really scared.
Things are spiralling and I’m struggling to cope. I can’t think straight and I don’t know what to do.

[one_step_closer]

Have you spoken to anyone about what is happening? Please reach out, you are allowed support.

[[Luna]]

I spoke to my therapist on wednesday, I can’t remember what I said really. My thoughts are jumbled at the moment. It’s hard to think.
My therapist asked my wife to have a chat and they talked about me, I was in the room but I couldn’t really take in what was going on. I can’t remember what was said properly. She wants me to see the GP, I have an appointment for tomorrow.

Something bad is going to happen. I’m going to die. There are people watching me outside and they tell me things. They say I’m going to die soon. I’m scared.

[one_step_closer]

I hope you can talk to the GP and get some support.

[[Luna]]

The GP saw me this morning. She’s increased my Quetiapine and prescribed some diazepam. I have an appointment on Monday.

Occupational health for my new job called and they said can’t say I’m fit to work right now. I feel a bit relieved but so frustrated with myself.