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Old 17-11-2019, 08:34 PM   #221
one_step_closer
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That's good. Do you think seeing what your sister has done will help you to reach out for support from your CPN?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 18-11-2019, 06:43 PM   #222
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Yes I think it helps. I texted my CPN and I've got an appointment on Thursday. I'm going to tell him about the SH/suicide thoughts but that the anxiety is better most days. I need to talk about my eating too.



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Old 18-11-2019, 07:02 PM   #223
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Well done. That's a good plan, will you be doing your usual writing things to discuss?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 18-11-2019, 07:20 PM   #224
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Yeah, it's much less anxiety-provoking that way.



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Old 19-11-2019, 03:12 PM   #225
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N saw the psych today. Basically she just has to be patient.



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Old 19-11-2019, 06:30 PM   #226
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It's difficult to be patient when you're distressed but I can understand that meds need some time to get to work. Does she have other support?

How are you? Have you prepared anything for your appointment on Thursday yet?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 19-11-2019, 06:50 PM   #227
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They're going to refer her to these people who take you out places.

I haven't started my note but I will write something tonight or tomorrow



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Old 19-11-2019, 08:48 PM   #228
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I counted my calories today and thought it was loads so I am relieved it was what it was. How do you stay in control regardless of numbers?



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Old 20-11-2019, 04:43 AM   #229
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I'll delete this if it makes you uncomfortable, but this was something I've seen posted on another website and thought you might find helpful. I didn't write it.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Screen Shot 2019-11-19 at 10.26.25 PM.jpg (34.8 KB, 17 views)



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 20-11-2019, 10:06 AM   #230
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Wow, thanks for that, I will try to think about it. That was really hard to read.



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Old 20-11-2019, 08:01 PM   #231
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You can also think about it like with self harm - often when you first start self harming, people do it to feel in control. But as you've commented before, self harm urges often can come out of nowhere very strongly, and make you feel out of control. It can seem like an addiction for people, and not something they feel like they have power over. Eating is much the same, only the other thing that comes with restricting is the physical impact that it has on your brain.

I know for me, when my ed was really bad, it was literally impossible for me to think clearly. I couldn't even focus on schoolwork, which was something I loved because my brain did not have fuel. It sucks, and it becomes this really horrible cycle of making bad decisions (i.e. not eating) because you don't have the ability to think clearly, but then not eating actually making it worse. It's not fun.

Like I said I can delete any of this if you find it upsetting, but I don't think it's fair to you for us to try to condone using restriction as a means of control. I absolutely understand needing ways to cope, but if you only move from self harm to restriction, then that's not really you coping any better or safer. Coping in healthy ways means taking care of your body and your brain. I hope you can talk to you CPN about things.



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Old 22-11-2019, 02:53 PM   #232
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My CPN wants me to add lucozade to my fluid in take. To not just swap it for something else. I'm worried about the calories.



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Old 22-11-2019, 10:20 PM   #233
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Camden has very wise words.

Did your CPN explain their rationale for wanting you to add in lucozade?



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It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 23-11-2019, 10:31 AM   #234
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Yeah it was because my blood pressure was low when I stood up.



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Old 23-11-2019, 08:57 PM   #235
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I was brave and had ice cream after dinner but now I'm regretting it.



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Old 24-11-2019, 11:25 AM   #236
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How are you feeling now? You've eaten things and regretted it before and it's turned out ok, right?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 24-11-2019, 09:07 PM   #237
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I had to undereat today because of yesterday.



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Old 25-11-2019, 11:40 AM   #238
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I'm sorry to hear that. Things about eating seem to be a big factor in your life right now.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-11-2019, 05:13 PM   #239
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Yeah they are. I don't know why. I'm drinking lucozade every day as my CPN told me but I can't help thinking of all the calories. I feel out of control.



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Old 25-11-2019, 07:15 PM   #240
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I'm glad you're drinking the Lucozade, it must be so difficult if you have so many conflicting feelings. What does out of control feel like? What does out of control mean to you? I think you are taking some good control to manage your physical health better but I understand it might not feel that way to you.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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