Just checking in....
Itís been a very long while since Iíve been on RYL. Itís really humbling to see the Virtual Psych Ward stickied to the Veterans Board. I hope that my stupid idea helped someone.
Life has been pretty good. I finally met a woman who I proposed to and she said yes :)
I have also finally found what works to keep me sane and level. Itís a mix of working out several times a week and low level dose of meds. Iím still being followed by a psych but itís pretty much only for maintenance.
Iíve had my ups and downs over the years but I havenít SIíd in 13+ years. Iíve wanted to at times but I havenít fallen back into that. Iíve explained the scars to my fiancť and she fully accepted and is very supportive of me.
Hereís the real reason why Iím here... my fiancť has cancer and has been fighting it for 3 years(when I met her, she was in remission). She has gone through several chemo treatments and is now doing clinical trials. Sheís the strongest woman I know and is always positive. Sheís been keeping up with running and working through pretty much all her treatments. Her strength and positive attitude is amazing.
But now, sheís having a harder time with it now and the treatments are wearing her down. She hasnít been able to run or workout in quite a while. This was something that is really important to her and is really bothering her (and me)that she canít do those activities anymore. Iím pretty much always positive with her but inside, Iím terrified. Thoughts of the cancer winning keep creeping in my head and I'm having a harder and harder time fending those thoughts. Iím scared for what will happen to her and Iím scared with what will happen to me. Iím questioning wether Iíd be able to survive through something like the cancer taking her away...
Itís funny though, sheís able to ease pretty much all my anxiety and makes me forget about it when Iím with her.
I still hold hope that the treatments work to cure her and that she can resume her favourite activities. In the meantime, I stay supportive and help her plan the wedding. A day that we both look forward to.
I keep working out and run to keep myself sane. She recognizes the good it does for me and encourages me to continue with it.
All this made me think of my old support system and I felt that maybe I should reconnect. I was glad to see that my alias was still available.