Triggering (SI) - i stopped....talking.

ashleighbean · 05-04-2008, 10:29 PM

i have been dragged back into my stage of not talking to anyone about how i am feeling.
i am being dragged back into cutting more and more.

*fake smiles, like always*
no one knows how badly i hurt.

behindblueyes · 05-04-2008, 11:19 PM

*hugs tight*

I know what you feel like. Try writing it all down... you dont actually have to speak but you can get the thoughts out of your head.

Take care
PM me if you need anything
x Kate

WhenWillThisEnd · 06-04-2008, 12:06 AM

Im sorry that ur hurting so badly. im not going to lie im in the same phase right now. ive pushed away so many people and hurt so many people. so ive decided that in order to keep the people i still have. i have to go back to pretending to be ok infront of them. But when i get home, and im alone, it all comes crashing down. I just want u to know that your not alone. hang in there ***hugs***

completely_gone · 06-04-2008, 01:15 AM

Hi There,

Thanks for writing. I am sorry to hear that things are not going so well for you right now. I do want to remind you that you are not alone in this, that the people here at RYL have some awareness to how much pain and hurt that you are going through, well at least I know that I do. Reach out to us if you can let us know what is bothering you etc. The more we know the more we can try to be of assistance and support.

I am wondering what you mean by saying that you are being "dragged" back...To me that sounds like you have given that negative mindset that lives in all of us more control than it should have. What is going on for you that is easier to not talk about it? I think it's good that you can identify that you are closing up, perhaps you can ask someone that you trust to question you when you say things "are fine".

What sort of supports do you have around you, do you have people that know what is going on? Do you think you could confide in someone? What about professional support -sometimes working through this stuff is the best way to get it to a more manageable level. What do you think about this?

Well, I hope this finds you doing okay, and remember that we are always here. Please take good care of yourself. Be safe and well.

Stay Strong,
Always,

Ashleigh

xthexasylumxchildx · 06-04-2008, 01:56 AM

*hugs* i am sorry you're hurting real bad. i feel the same way sometimes... i have to make everyone seem like i am happy but really behind that smile i am always depressed... i remember that i even stopped talking at all for 1 whole week because i had pretty much given up on explaining to people.

but i think that one thing that could help would be to either write about how your feeling or draw.. or just get a hobby... sometimes this helps... for example i love DRAWINg and although my drawings aren't always appropriate they explain how i am feeling this also goes for my writing.maybe you should try this.

you can always pm me if you'd like.

(((hugs)))

paola

idontwantnomorescars · 06-04-2008, 04:22 AM

i know that feeling i went through this many times but all i can say is no matter how hard it is to speak up you really need to even if its not verbally. i'm sure there are heaps of people who want to help you they just dont know how much you're hurting.

Wonderland. · 06-04-2008, 02:53 PM

i can really relate to how your feeling as i am there right now.
*hugs*
if you cant speak to the people around you then you can open up to us on here. there are plenty off people on here who want to help you and wont judge you and will actually listen and understand.
pm me if you like.
: )

ashleighbean · 07-04-2008, 03:39 AM

i am still not talking. i just dont want to.
i kinda am giving up.
i feel like i have been complaining about everything and saying i will try and never do, and now i dont even see why i should try..so i just dont want to talk.

sorry.

thanks for the support.
(i mean talk to ppl here at home...not RYL..i will keep you updated...i like people on here alot more than i like the people at home)

Collateral*Damage · 07-04-2008, 07:57 AM

you may think you're aren't talking but you are. it doesn't matter whether you talk to people at home or here -- it's still talking. keep fighting the urge to be silent and don't give up. we're listening!

madamoiselle · 08-04-2008, 04:35 AM

Your case is so like mine. I have decided not to seek help anymore because nobody really gives a damn about how I really feel. But I find coming here and talking to people here really really makes my day. I may not talk and seek help but at least I am giving help to those who need it. That satisfies me in a weird way but hey, it counts for something!

Bring me 2 life · 08-04-2008, 05:53 AM

Hey hun.

I know how you feel - all of my life I have pushed people away and smiled to make them think things were fine, when in reality they were the opposite..
I think that it made things easier - knowing that no1 knew my business and knowing that no1 could judge me.. but in reality it made things harder emotionally.. as I desperately wanted someone to talk to but couldn't find the words to do so..

If you can't find the words to talk to someone, you could try writing down how you're feeling and give it to them.. or if you dont want to let anyone in.. you could write it down and then burn the paper or something.. so that you're releasing some of those feelings..

Atleast you are talking on here.. its a big step and you are letting some of those emotions go..

Mel
xoxo

[peanut] · 08-04-2008, 10:50 AM

Hey there sweets,
Its good to reach out, even on here.
We are all here to support you and im pretty sure most of us can relate to you.
Dont give up hun. We all need to keep fighting - even though its hard you dont have to go at it alone.

Keep posting on here hun, let it out. Even if you arent physically speaking your still talking and thats good.

Take care,

xx katie xx

ashleighbean · 09-04-2008, 04:13 AM

i am still here. for those who wanted to no.
still not physically taklking =/

Stellata · 09-04-2008, 07:36 AM

It sounds like you're feeling pretty depressed right now.

What would you say, if you could? How would you like people to respond?

Rhill · 09-04-2008, 10:36 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling so terribly :(, I haven't been able to sleep for the past few weeks, sleep well anyways, I hope you get into feeling better and I'm probably not much help but if you need someone to talk things over with PM me and I'll help in anyway that I can.

ashleighbean · 09-04-2008, 11:02 PM

stellata: the thing is i dont no what to say anymore. i really dont. i guess i would try to make them understand all the crap i am dealing with.
i want them to not judge me anymore, and actually listen.