Adult - "Intoxication." *Love Story, Triggering SI*

[PrincessVegeta_x]

This is a story I've been writing for a while. I'm currently writing a novel, but this is not it (since I'm intending to get it published, I'm keeping it a secret). It's just one of my side projects, something I'm working on right now. I have no intention of making this into a novel, it's just a little thing I wanted to write. It has the adult label and the warning about self-injury because of content in later chapters (self-injury comes up a little bit in the first chapter though), but I thought I'd add the label now since the other chapters are going to be up quite soon.

Enjoy it.


INTOXICATION

CHAPTER ONE


Daniel
The first time I saw her, sitting in the corner of the room with scared eyes, I was intoxicated by her presence. She was obviously scared, and I wanted nothing more than to go over and help her – to go over and kiss her, even. It was impossible, though. I was known around the school to be the kid who only cared about himself.


I really wanted to talk to her, to prove to everybody else that I was capable of another emotion than just selfishness. It bugged me, this label – the label of selfishness. I knew it wasn’t fair for my peer group to look at me, be too scared to discover the real me, and slap an invisible false label onto my head.


I watched her, this girl who provoked these strange emotions in me – emotions I’d never experienced before, but knew – as she got talking to somebody called Benjamin.


Benjamin. I’d never liked him. It wasn’t prejudice or anything, he just wasn’t the kind of person I wanted to associate with. He was too kind for his own good. Nobody could be that happy, that kind, that optimistic. At least, not all the time.


Nobody human.


He wanted to help, and I respected him for that. It was a new term at school, and every new term he always helped all the new students. I never had a problem, not usually, but today I felt intense anger towards him as he struck up a conversation with the girl I had my eye on.


She was just so beautiful. Her skin was white, almost pale, and her gorgeous blonde hair shined as she shook her head. Her eyes were the most amazing colour… the deep blue of the ocean. I could tell how she walked, how graceful her steps were, without her even moving an inch. It was so obvious. She looked at me, for a fraction of a second, and managed to smile awkwardly. Her white teeth shined in the light.


A shiver ran through my body. How could anybody be so perfect? I couldn’t believe it. It just wasn’t possible. Nobody could be that beautiful, that perfect… yet here was the proof. She was right in front of me. I wanted her, I wanted her so badly. I wanted her to love me too. This was insane. I’d only just met her. We hadn’t even talked. I didn’t know her name. Yet… I was in love with her.

Rebecca
I was standing in the lunchroom, eyes scanning around wildly. I was really scared. Then again, I was always terrified on the first day at a new school. It was always the way.


I didn’t really understand why my dad had sent me here. There had been an incident, if you could really call it that, at my old school. Ravenwood High. It was all Georgina's fault. Stupid cow. She was my best friend, and she convinced me to trash the staffroom. Stupid idea. Some friend she was.

I remember that conversation with my dad, the day he told me that I was going have to go to a new school. I remember the tears, my body moving up and down from crying a lot, the blade I'd wanted to run across my arm when I was in my room, the fact that I didn't manage to hurt myself because my hands were shaking too much.

*****

I was cooking the dinner. I always cooked dinner at our house, ever since my mum left. I could say that my dad was a bad cook, but that'd be an understatement. He could just about cook beans on toast, but even then he overcooked the beans until they were dry and burnt the toast.

For the first couple of days after my mum left with James, the decorator, to pursue a new life in Hawaii, my dad attempted to cook. He soon gave up, but I took on the responsibility despite being reluctant to do so. I soon began to enjoy cooking.

Tonight, I was cooking salmon for him. I'd eaten already. I didn't have a big appetite nowadays.

"Becca?" he called, as soon as he'd hung up his coat and put his keys onto the hook I'd bought for him. He always lost his keys, and often ended up being late for work because he was looking for them.

"I'm in the kitchen," I called back, happiness evident in my voice. I loved it when he came home - I was genuinely interested in his day, and I loved him so much. He was the best dad ever.

He came in and sat down at the table. He looked calm, but I also sensed that there was something important that he wanted to discuss with me. I felt suddenly sick. He stared at me for a while, working up the courage to say something. Finally, he spoke. "Becca, I've been on the phone with Mrs Winters today."

I swallowed. "Really? What did she say?" I knew already. I knew it was about the vandalism, the crime I'd committed today, thanks to my ex best friend Georgina.

"Now, I know you're responsible, Becca. You're so grown up for your age, you know how to behave. I couldn't believe it when Mrs Winters told me, Becca. Why did you do it?" His eyes, black, empty, looked directly into mine.

I swallowed again, the second time in a minute. I didn't know how to tell him. "Dad... it was stupid, an error of judgement. I know I shouldn't have done it. I don't know what to say to you. You're not mad at me, are you? Please, don't be mad."

His body gave nothing away. Normally, he would be fidgeting if he was mad or upset. Nothing. I hated him sometimes, despite loving him, because of this. He wasn't very easy to read. It made me feel sad that I couldn't read minds, because maybe then I would be able to finally understand what he was really thinking.

"I'm not mad, not really. I'm just disappointed."

I frowned. "Why are you disappointed, dad? It was my mistake, I should deal with the consequences. Forget about it."

He turned to me, flicked the knob on the stove so the heat was turned down, and took my hands in his. "Listen, sweetheart. Mrs Winters doesn't want you to stay at Ravenwood anymore. She hasn't expelled you, but she's not ever so keen for you to come back. She said vandalism was a serious criminal offence, and that it would cost a lot of money to repair the damage. I'm going to have to pay for the repairs, Becca. I'm not upset about that. Money is not an issue for us, you know that."

He paused, and I nodded.

"Mrs Winters and I decided that it would be best if you went to another school for a while, just to see if you'd fit in better there. She knows you were a dedicated student, that you listened in class and cared about the quality of your work, and she believes that you would be able to succeed and make friends at any school... just not hers."

I couldn't believe it. I'd tried hard. I'd gone into school even when I didn't want to, tried so hard to be the perfect student. I had good grades, I was likable, I tried hard with my homework. One stupid... one silly... one horrible error and everything I'd worked so hard for had been taken away from me.

I burst into tears, and my dad held me in his arms. My body shook. I just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid. My whole life was falling apart slowly. First my mum leaving, and now this. I was so stupid.

*****

I was alone, so terribly alone. I was sitting at a table in the lunchroom, toying with my food, unable to even think about eating it. I was nervous, obviously.

I looked up then, and noticed a guy walking slowly towards me. He had a smile on his face, which made me relax a little bit. I looked at him, looked at his short black hair and his green eyes. His arm extended as he walked, and he shook my hand.

"Benjamin Andre," he said, introducing himself as my thoughts and my eyes were elsewhere... stuck on the amazingly gorgeous guy on the other side of the room, just for a second, before my eyes looked away.

"Hello," I whispered.

"You're a new student, aren't you? You're nervous. Don't worry. I'll show you around," Benjamin whispered back.

"Thank you. Are you in your last year?" I asked, curious.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm eighteen. You?" He seemed to be really interested about me, something I didn't really understand when it came to guys. From my experience, they seemed to only care about themselves.

"I'm eighteen too," I told him, focusing again on the guy in the corner of the room. He was amazingly beautiful. I suddenly felt intense emotion, that I hadn't felt since I fell in love with Paul.

I knew what was happening. This was just like my first day at Ravenwood, all over again. What a sense of deja vu. It was ridiculous. Paul was the guy who caught my attention at Ravenwood, now it was this guy. What on earth was his name?

A bell rang, loud and clear. Benjamin mumbled something about being late for class, and ran out of the room. I kept my eyes on the mysterious guy who was making me fall in love with him, ever so slowly. I blinked, just for a second, and he was gone.